• sarah@healingeyes.org

oh the spinning

oh the spinning

from the moment you go down the road towards adoption there is a feeling of loss on both parties involved. The hope is that out of the loss can spring some good for the parents and the little child in the center of it all.
Some people turn to adoption as a way to just grow there already existing family. while others, like us, choose adoption because growing a family the ‘traditional’ way escapes them. Coming to terms with this is a part of the process.
There is a book I love to turn back to called ‘Dear Birthmother’ by Kathleen Silber & Phylis Speedlin. Our agency required it as reading and although at the beginning we groaned when we heard there was reading assignments it turned out to be a very positive homework assignment.
I find myself re-reading passages to remind myself I am not alone.

“When they completed the home study process and their “Birthmother letter”, they were thrilled and relieved. They could simply look forward to the baby’s arrival. This waiting period, however, also proved difficult. Marisa found herself waiting daily for the phone to ring. They soon began to wonder if they would ever get their call. Once more they were reminded that their destiny was out of their control.”

“Society, in addition, does not assist the adoptive couple in preparing for their role change to parenthood. Even family members and friends may not provide approving support to the adoptive couple. This can be partly explained because the couple shows no outward signs that they will soon be parents. More significant, however, is in the general lack of understanding of adoption….individual reactions will vary to a couple’s decisions to adopt…’birthmother will reclaim her child’, ‘Gee you are really special to adopt someone else’s child’, ‘You’re so lucky–adopting is the easy way of having a child'”.

The reel spins in my head that the wait is painful, what if the birthmother never chooses us, or what if the birthmothers doesn’t like us when we meet. Stopping the spinning is a daily battle all adoptive parents ‘to be’ go thru. It’s a common bond we can hold on to…there is an end in sight and it is oh so beautiful.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

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