• sarah@healingeyes.org

dusty

dusty

It’s so surreal looking back at the past 7 months of our life.

I get asked questions sometimes,
“What’s the game plan, Whats the next steps, What happens when its over and you can be happy again”?

I smile and my mind goes blank because there is no answer really. Cancer is something that can never be answered or fixed ultimately.  Doctors can remove the tumor and prescribe medicine, they can’t erase the damage. I struggle with thinking of ways to explain that to others without sounding uncaring or utterly depressing. All I can say is it never will really ‘end’, this is the part in our several months of treatments and surgeries that I think will be the hardest and most challenging.  When the dust settles usually you just clean up and move on. When our dust settles we just look at that dust and try and think, ok now how can we live with this dust in our lives, the dust lingering in our lungs, and its presence hovering over us like a murky cloud of unknowns.

This week I think will be our last scans for awhile now. It already feels like the nurses and doctors are ready to push us aside for others in treatment. We are ‘without any detectable disease’.. that’s how one doctor put it when I asked, “so what do we tell people, does andy have cancer?” It’s a way to say we may have disease but its not visible to the human eye ‘yet’. So you just wait it out and see if any of that murky dust falls again and then we’ll sweep it up and live another day.

It’s hard writing this blog now.. I can’t write what I don’t know .. then again no one can really write there future down and expect it to come true. For all we know the dust could blow away and this will be are only brush with detectable disease. But how does one brush away the emotional damage caused, those memories of long nights in the hospital, of chemotherapy treatments, the fear that they could come back. I suppose we just try to not think of it, try live a new normal life, go easy on ourselves and breathe a sigh of relief that we made it this far together.

We do start some much needed physical therapy next week, getting a free membership to a health club where Andy get’s some cancer well fit classes free of charge. It will be good to get out of the house and doing something together that’s not hospital related. I love exercising, I love my Andy, so that equals good times.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

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