• sarah@healingeyes.org

Why cancer doesn’t stop ruining your life after removal

Why cancer doesn’t stop ruining your life after removal

When cancer is first found it will change everything, I mean everything in your life. It doesn’t matter what stage or what kind because it doesn’t discriminate. As it secretly burrowed it’s way into your blood stream it will continue to eak it’s way into every single minute of the day. If this sounds sad, complainy, whiney, or morbid than stop reading. If you came to this blog to find fuzzy rainbows of hope and half truths than go no farther. I only speak what’s real and share the hard parts of cancer that most can’t swallow.

It’s been almost 12 months since Andy was diagnosed. It’s been 8 months since the major surgery. It’s been 4 months since the last rounds of chemo.
His last ct scan in April showed pulmonary embolism which resulted in a hospital stay.

The impending follow up ct scan is now quickly approaching. Since people think the months between ct scans are a break. A reprieve from cancer. Time to catch your breathe. Each scan and year that passes are supposed to be milestones. None of that is true.. Like I said, cancer is always there and never far from your thoughts and fears.

I desperately hope the scans show nothing and we can wake up from this nightmare. The day after the scans we will feel no different, no magical weight will lift from our hearts. It will just be another passing trial of our patience and strength of love for each other.
I still will go to bed each night and see the wear and tear on Andy’s body. The exhaustion in his eyes as he fights to stay strong. With each day he gets stronger then next day could knock him down again. It’s the ebb and flow of cancer.
We hate cancer. We hate what it has done to our life. We hate how it never goes away.
I do not hate how strong we are, or that no matter the outcomes our love will always win.
Cancer is many things.. It takes so very much away.. But it can’t take away the one thing precious, the only thing that reacts the opposite to cancers vile poison. Cancer strengthens love.. It reveals what love is.

It is the hardest thing to watch your love suffer during and after cancer and all the times in between.

Powerless to help.. While begging for peace.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

2 Comments so far

NotDownOrOutPosted on  1:08 pm - Jul 24, 2013

Sarah, your love and support of Andy is always inspiring. I think you are right about what cancer means in someone’s life. But I have great hope that you and Andy will endure the challenges and find new events to celebrate. You certainly have “earned” (even by the perverse standards of “normal” associated with cancer) through courage, strength, and compassion better days!

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