• sarah@healingeyes.org

An incurable disease

An incurable disease

No sign of disease is not the same as cured.

No sign of disease gives hope to an impossible situation.

Borrowed time to live another day and perhaps many many more. A sink hole fell beneath our feet but it didn’t cave in.
Four simple words, ‘no sign of disease’, a chance to think farther ahead of the next doctor appointment or scan. We have 4 more wonderful months to appreciate the memories yet to come.

Hopeful to not under appreciate what this gift has been. Almost a year ago the doctor said, large mass found, on that day we fell into that sink hole…it has taken that long to see the light of tomorrow again. If someone had asked me last year if I thought we would make it, I would have shaken my head in disbelief and whispered no. No…cancer always means the end. How can anyone survive it.

I’m not going to say we have survived it because that would mean its over and it was all for nothing. No we haven’t survived it or beaten it… We have learned to live thru it, to not give up, to keep some sanity, and to never give up on each other. Everyone loses hope and feels sorry for the bad that comes in their lives. I have felt that way, still do some days. But then I remember what i saw when andy was going thru chemo… I saw him suffer and still try to stay alive…he was so weak but he pulled thru, he endured those long days of treatment and tried to smile for me.
If we made it past those long days to be where we are now than I don’t want to squander that gift, I don’t want to rationalize what happened or why it had to be. To do that would let cancer pull me down.

There are others out there learning they have cancer….there are caregivers realizing they will never be the same….only those who make it into this elite group will see what we see. The world in a different light. Not a bright and fuzzy light but a real, difficult, unique point of view. Wake up tomorrow knowing its going to suck…it’s going to hurt…and you may not want to try….but remember life sucks for a reason. We just don’t know what that reason is. Just like doctors don’t know what cancer really is or how to fix, predict, or prevent it.

Maybe that’s because it’s the one illness we should never understand. If everyone lived charmed lives what a dull and uneventful existence that would be. I do wish they knew where or if the cancer would appear next … Wait no I don’t because knowing your future doesn’t make that future any easier to face.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

2 Comments so far

Cancer CurmudgeonPosted on  12:17 am - Aug 11, 2013

Last paragraph…awesome.
I wish now, though, life had remained dull for me

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