• sarah@healingeyes.org

My friend sleeps now. But no rest comes to me.. He was an insomniac and I think he has passed it on to me. I close my eyes and visions begin.. visions of the past. I try to hold on to the good memories, the laughs and the hugs. The cancer creeps back in.

Last night I swore Andy was holding me, I felt his arms around me and his breath on my cheek. My mind plays tricks on me or is it possible that a love so strong continues even in death? I live in between the spirit world and the earth. My mind tells me I must move on and heal, learn to love life. The spirit has other plans for me and leaves me restless. What will tonight bring?

On Andy’s last day I remember fondly his eyes..those tired eyes. When they finally closed and his breath slowed I could feel the life leave his body. This vivid moment stays with me, I can’t shake it. Some people will never feel or experience it and I say, ‘Thank God,’ because it is not for the weak. I am not a strong person…me and Andy have been tested.. but this last step is me alone. 

Can I resurface from the darkness enfolding me. It engulfs my heart and squeezes it beyond belief. To have faith in a bigger purpose, now that’s something that will take time for me to accept. God ripped Andy from this world too soon…

..

There is a silence where hath been no sound,
   There is a silence where no sound may be,
   In the cold grave—under the deep deep sea,
Or in the wide desert where no life is found,
Which hath been mute, and still must sleep profound;
   No voice is hush’d—no life treads silently,
   But clouds and cloudy shadows wander free,
That never spoke, over the idle ground:
But in green ruins, in the desolate walls
   Of antique palaces, where Man hath been,
Though the dun fox, or wild hyena, calls,
   And owls, that flit continually between,
Shriek to the echo, and the low winds moan,
There the true Silence is, self-conscious and alone.

~Thomas Hood..

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

1 Comment so far

kdmo83Posted on  3:04 am - Dec 29, 2013

I just lost my husband of over 30 years on Dec. 15th from cancer. We have 3 children 27-24 and 15. I am so sorry for your loss. I also started a blog during his fight that we thought we would win a few years. But our diagnoses was Nov. 8th and I lost him Dec. 15th. So sorry for your loss and I feel your pain also. No that someone out there has lived it with you.

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