• sarah@healingeyes.org

My precious

My precious

After all the hustle and bustle died down and my traveling across the globe has lessened I finally made myself sleep in Me and Andy’s bed. I can’t describe the pain that caused, the gut wretching feeling of death that came with it. Alone!
I slept pretty good though (but maybe the few drinks I had prior to sleeping and it being 2am might have played a role)…

This morning at 10:45 a.m. Andy gave me back something precious.. something I thought lost forever. I happened upon his yellow backpack. The hospital backpack that always followed with on our trips to the ER, surgeries, Chemotherapy… I went thru each pocket and found little pieces of andy. His favorite volkswagon tshirt, his underwear, power adapter.. but then in the very last pocket I saw his nintendo DS and under that was his the gold band. Our Wedding band that he couldn’t remember where he put it.. he searched everywhere for it, I searched all over the house for it last week. Now its here, on my right thumb, its scuffed and perfect! Thank you Andy so much for showing me where it was.

It’s just a ring but it was our bond. I forgot once how important that bond was.. The pain was so intense, I watched you die over and over again this year. I wanted to breathe, I needed to breathe for the both of us to survive…until the very end. My love, my other self, you have left me now and with that my heart is gone. I will never EVER take this ring off. I treasure our memories before Cancer.

SCREW CANCER! SCREW DEATH!

But never.. ever…will I stop loving you, even as imperfect as I am. You and me forever in heaven.

“There is a calm in my heart…
    There is a scream inside my soul as you were ripped away…
time heals all..
but time will not heal the gaping hole in my heart from your passing..”

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

2 Comments so far

Yellow Mum BlogPosted on  7:35 am - Jan 17, 2014

I read this with tears rolling down my face. I found my Mum’s bag after she had died and found little bits of her inside it – shopping lists, safety pins, pens etc.

    SarahAndyLivePosted on  12:36 pm - Jan 17, 2014

    Thanks. It’s amazing how even thru death a soul can still reach out to us when we need it most.. And sometimes when we are too blinded by pain we forget it’s OK to live.

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