• sarah@healingeyes.org

Why Me

Why Me

Time to process

Time to think

Time to heal

and time to Grieve.

Everyone goes at a different pace and process.. I have always jumped ahead and rushed going thru life. I have learned its not so bad to step back and breathe for a moment…let God show the way and magically this whole new path opens up.

I have realized that Andy and I had a lot of ‘material things’. Some of them were toys, electronics, games, cars, car parts, clothes, furniture, printers, so much STUFF! Now some stuff is nice to have, and some toys are fun to play for sure. Andy loved collecting video games and systems, maybe just because he knew how much i LOVED playing them. Either way, the basement is full of STUFF and today I purged.

Andy loved Goodwill. I mean LOVED Goodwill. He would rummage around for rare video games, rollerblades, anything that looked cool. So it seemed fitting that a lot of the things he collected over the years should go back to there home, Goodwill. So far i’ve done 3 loads today and it was hard but felt kinda good to unload that burden of ‘things’. I still have several more loads of stuff that could go but I am stopping to breathe and digest what I just let go. Pieces of Andy gone. Forever. It makes me smile though to think that another ‘Andy’ type person will be going to Goodwill in a week and find that super awesome Nintendo Game, or another Dreamcast for his/her collection. That makes it worth it to Let Go of ‘things’.

The other day I read this daily inspirational quote..soon after I got a phone call. Saint Mary’s Lacks Cancer center was finally calling me back about volunteering. Cool. I stopped and then something happened. So today I go there to try out for playing the piano in the lobby.

The other other day I read a daily inspirational quote…soon after I picked up the phone and called a lady in St. Croix Virgin Islands (I had been procrastinating on making the call). After sharing my life story and Andy’s pain and suffering over the year I now have a new path. My tickets are bought and I’m going to do my first mission trip. Ok that sounds very odd coming from me. A person who for the last 13 years stopped going to church, stopped reading, stopped praying, stopped LISTENING. Now I am not a completely different person, I still have my doubts about what I am about to do..It scares me to think I could become some ‘mission’ girl. ME? Screwed up Sarah who now is a widow, has two needy dogs, a house, and so much pain pushing down on a tiny little heart. Completely broken into pieces, world turned upside down, no soulmate, and defeated Sarah…

Today I slowly begin to breathe again.. tomorrow I might stop again.. but Andy is NOT in pain anymore, so that has to be enough for now.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

1 Comment so far

troyPosted on  8:28 pm - Jan 14, 2014

Every bit of this makes total sense to me! Keep breathing one breath at at time. This is all part of your book of life. Sarah’s book. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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