• sarah@healingeyes.org

Miracles

Miracles

Why has God sent me to St. Croix after the biggest traumatic event of my life?

God knows ha …

Seriously, getting on the plane to come here was one of the hardest things to do. Planning a funeral a day after Andy died was just a step I had to do and it was structured, check I can do that. Crying with Andy day after day while struggling with Cancer, Check I can do that (mostly, that really wears a soul down). Now listen to God when he is screaming to get my attention and try and show me a side to life that can be happy, not so good at that one. Why is that? Am I that against trying to smile and be happy that I fight it so much? Yup I think I am that messed up.

Even if I fall sometimes God is there to slap me in the face and say, ‘Sarah come on it’s ok to live’. Try it for an hour each day and then a bit more as time goes by and maybe, just maybe you’ll get used to it.

Today I had a birthday cake that I wasn’t expecting. My birthday is the 15th and I am dreading it. Two reasons: first one without Andy and its right after Valentine’s day. Did I cry when I got sung to and tried to blow the candles out, Yes yes I did. Did it make me think of how Andy and my friend back home used to do Cake off’s on birthdays, Yes yes it did. Do I need to just suck it up and be ok with enjoying a birthday, Yes yes I do. But I also need to cut myself some slack because it’s ok to grieve and cry. The 15th of Feb will be 2 months from Dec 15th, that’s a pretty big deal.

Back to what God has in mind for this trip. I think he wanted to crack open my heart and stretch me a bit. Learn how to give up my daily baths in exchange for cold showers in order to appreciate the water he gives me back home. Appreciate electricity since we really do take it for granted back home. Appreciate the kindness of others is far up the list of what to take home with me. Let people be nice and accept it as a good thing is another thing to accept as ok. Slow down and just enjoy the day and watch as it enfolds…its amazing how unexpected a day will be when you don’t force it into something it shouldn’t be. Meaning that if you ‘Let it be’ than God can work his ideas for the day in. For instance, Saturday I asked God to Bless Me, not someone else but ME. Give me an opportunity or something to just be blessed. So what happens, I’m walking on this beautiful beach on the West end with tourists and locals.. The fisherman down the beach interested me the most because they had no fishing poles but just wheels of fishing line. Now that’s cool, I wonder if I have the guts to just say Hi. Ok I pass one guy and chicken out, then another and the chance disappears. On my walk back I decide ok just Say HI and don’t be shy. The first guy I say, “What you catching?” and he says “To eat”. I smile and clarify, “Did you catch anything?” .. and so our conversation begins, he has several fish in his bucket and he’s so friendly and he asks if I am on vacation. I say yea kinda on vacation but also helping out at Lighthouse Missions. He says I should come back again and vacation here.. I smile and say Yah 🙂  Anyways I continue down the beach and talk to each fisherman and look at there fish and we all smile. It was something out of my comfort zone but I found it nice to just Talk to strangers about fish. Later we went miles away to a spot to hike and who do we see? The first fisherman in his truck and he recognizes us.. such a small island I guess. It’s just neat how God works in building relationships, even if they are small ones, it’s nice to connect in life. Most of the time we are too busy are stuck in our own bubbles to just say, Hi.

That’s it.. not a super exciting story but it’s just one way God is trying to open my mind to.

A friend sent me this song and it sums up how falling isn’t always so bad because it shows our strength thru faith in God. We are all stronger than we know and should never give up no matter how dark it gets in our hearts.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

1 Comment so far

troyPosted on  2:12 am - Feb 10, 2014

You are getting there….keep breathing girl!

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