• sarah@healingeyes.org

Control is just a word

Control is just a word

My life is not my own…it never was.. 

It can take us our entire life to realize that but when it finally sinks in and you accept it than doors can open. Doors you never imagined in your life!

It’s snowing back here in Michigan..a record snow fall. I like to think that Andy has some part behind that. I look outside my window and I see the snow fall and the tree branches collect it ever so softly. Winter is just another extreme of God’s beauty. Yes it’s cold but doesn’t it just make you feel more alive! It’s Gods natural blanket on the earth which in the Spring will bring new life.

My journey to St. Croix and my renewed faith in something larger than myself is now my oxygen. I breathe in and exhale but it’s not my lungs or my will behind it..God is keeping me alive and teaching me each day that it’s ok to smile and see beauty all around. I read a book while in St. Croix that analyzed Psalm 23 (The Lord is my shepherd). This book touched me in a way that only God could have predestined so perfectly. Placing me in the right place and the right time to just read a book perchance I learn something. My heart cried when I read the part about .. “It is not a death bed, it is sleeping in Jesus’s arms. It is sweet to die in Jesus..”
That night andy died he looked peaceful as he took his last breaths, he was truly falling asleep ever so gently in Jesus’s arms.

Psalm 23:3 ‘He restores my soul’  Restores vitality, vigor, strength..

I went to St. Croix not knowing what to expect but I returned knowing God wanted to woe me over and remind me of his love. He wanted me to fall in love all over again with him.

It isn’t easy grieving..the tears will take your breath away and punch you right in the gut without any warning. It’s like living on ice, you never know when it will crack beneath your weight. I kept Andy’s wallet the same as he left it, he has old receipts, his license, credit cards, business cards, a spare key, random passwords. He was here one day and then gone the next. A life permanently on pause. My life is now full of lonely moments and memories that haunt me. If pain and empathy is my gift from God than I sure hope I can put it to use because right now it’s overwhelming and deafening to my heart.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

1 Comment so far

troyPosted on  3:02 am - Feb 20, 2014

What a beautiful journey you are on and the Book of Sarah is getting better with each new sentence, paragraph, page and chapter!

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