• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tears of change

Tears of change

God has turned my tears into tiny crystals of hope. Each day is a blessing waiting to be opened. Each hour of the day is a test of faith. Each minute of the day is a test of my strength. What have I learned from this? Well, I am weak and I have no control over my life. My life is not my own, I have been pursued by God relentlessly. His patience and perseverance is amazing! How he never gave up on me years ago is shocking. When you allow your eyes to be opened and your heart to be touched, then be ready for astounding things to happen. From the smallest interaction with a stranger to an intimate conversation with a friend miles and miles away (cough cough St. Croix:))
I have faltered over the year.. I have tried to do everything..I have tried to be independent.. I have tried to live my life. Silly Sarah, God wants to take that control away. What a relief to let go of control and open my heart to something more. Not to say that makes everything peachy keen but at least it’s a step in the right direction. Yesterday I was a mess as the snow consumed my house and roof, the rain flooded by apartment, and my spirits were low. This morning I cried out for a blessing and strength to live today. He answered my prayer with the tiniest details in mind. It’s amazing how he moves people around on the world called life. Even just an interaction with another person going thru their day can be a blessing if you allow yourself to open up. Let the walls down and share your story..share your pain.. share you mistakes…God wants to love ME of all people. Ha!

 

This morning at Degage Ministries I served breakfast for the homeless..people in need of a bit of food and love. I saw Andy serving toast (my 88 year old version of what I like to think would have been Andy had he lived). Once again Andy made sure I took time to EAT a breakfast haha. I shared my plans with the other volunteers there, I shared my story of St. Croix and Lighthouse Missions on the island, I shared my heart.. ME opening up my heart to others in order to touch there’s thru God. I prayed this morning, God use me today to speak for you…use my voice..just use me for something because I am awake. What does God do? Well he said, “OK, sarah let’s get to business and talk to people”…  I even prayed in front of a group of people for the morning breakfast, lol, ME..little ole me.

 

Song after song on the radio God is talking to me..the verses of each one touch me and I cry out enough, enough

Take me apart.. I give all of me for all you are.. here I am … TAKE ME APART and rebuild me into something glorious!

Break open the stars.. to save those who cry out his name! Thru the winds and waves of pain. During cancer the pain is overwhelming. During death the pain is overwhelming. How can we ever expect to hear God when pain is just throbbing thru every part of our veins. My gift from God is PAIN, but that’s ok, we all have gifts and skills to give so why not let God turn that around for something better. Our sins, our pain can all be turned around for good once we say, “Why not!?”  While Andy was in the hospital leading up to his death I asked, “Andy should we pray?” he said, “Why not? It couldn’t hurt”.  OH ANDY…I love you, your stubbornness, your forgiveness, your unconditional love even when I disappointed you. Today I listened to a song called “Oh My Dear” By tenth Avenue North. It was as if you were talking to me and saying how much you loved me. My love, my otherself..you are amazing even thru death.

“Oh my dear.. I will wait for you… Grace tonight will pull us thru.. Until the tears have left your eyes..until the fear to sleep at night.. until the demons that you are scared of disappear inside.. Until this guilt begins to crack and the weight falls from your back. Oh my dear..i’ll keep you in your arms tonight..

I miss your arms Andy.. You understood me so well. There is no way any of us can understand why you had to suffer for so long or why you had to leave us so young. I know that you are finally sleeping..ever so peacefully in Jesus’s arms. God pursued you and won you over in the end. The angels rejoiced the day you said, “Why not?” Love me from afar, love me forever, love me thru the storms of life I will face without you.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

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