• sarah@healingeyes.org

Moving on but not budging in my heart

Moving on but not budging in my heart

With each piece of furniture, clothing, fork, spoon, video game, lamp, and computer I say goodbye to what me and Andy built. We built a home full of love, sharing, sadness, pain, illness, but above all it was Me and Andy. I packed each item into little boxes that would move with me, the items that ranked high enough to move to a 2 bedroom apartment. The other items went to the far right, stacked high with each pile that would eventually make its final destination to Goodwill. Some day another ‘Andy’ type thrift shopper will happen upon each item and smile, purchase, and then run out to his or her significant other and share the joy of finding a piece of treasure at a low low price.

The house is quiet now..no more voices..no more snuggles under the covers..but most important..no more cancer lurking in the shadows. Cancer will follow me wherever I go, the memories hang heavy on my heart. Andy lived a great life..I must hold on to that and pray the good memories will outweigh the final year of sickness and pain.

In my apartment I have a room of stuff ready for the second round of downsizing. My goal is to get down to clothing and bare necessities of living. In truth one person doesn’t need a lot but for some reason we crave stuff. It can’t fill the void left after losing a soulmate. I must remember that as I give up more of myself.

Today starts a new day.. a day where I now sign away my house, complete with death certificate in hand. I am sure tears will be shed and my final goodbye to a house filled with memories. In my mind and heart I have packed those memories up already and they go wherever I go.

What to do when one door closes? Step out into the unknown and follow something greater than me, breathe in each day with a purpose, remember the loss and use it to my advantage. God gave me Pain as a gift and I will never forget that..thru suffering we appreciate life and the blessings just waiting to be opened.

Bring it on God! I am empty, broken, and moldable!

 

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Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

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