• sarah@healingeyes.org

Lose it all to Gain life?

Lose it all to Gain life?

One more possession gone.

One more piece of me taken away.

I asked him his story before he took my iMac away. He was a college student studying music..he was a drummer but now wants to produce music. His little macbook Pro laptop wasn’t cutting it and it was time to upgrade to a faster, sleeker machine. He searched all over the place and the prices were high and then he found my craigslist post. One iMac for sale at an amazing price.

It helps to know the story of the person that buys my ‘stuff’. In some ways it lessens the pain when you know what it will be used for and what good can come from letting go something precious. The iMac was just a computer but it was also something Andy loved. He was my Mac guy! He was THE Mac guy! He was so happy when we purchased that computer a year ago with my bonus check. Although he never really did use it much but it was the idea of owning a 27″ slim iMac that really made his day.  I will take comfort in knowing that a college student will be getting more use out of it than Andy did….that it will be editing and recording music just like Andy used to do. At his job he had a sound lab where he helped students record music…he even let me use the room to have conference calls from when I took him to work when he was going thru treatments. What an odd world we live in, where one minute you are alive and struggling thru cancer and then the next I am moving away to an island and getting rid of all my possessions.

I truly own nothing of value anymore! I have clothes and a bed (the bed isn’t really mine though, it’s my parents).  Who am I? What is God up to?! How will I ever survive this crazy new lifestyle when all I have known is collecting stuff and living for a paycheck.

I am staring at the cash I just got my my iMac and thinking, “Man that’s nice but it’s just cash…it’s not going to bring Andy back and it’s not going to bring my joy. It could pay rent though, or maybe buy me a laptop when I need one”.

Why do we put so much value in material things? They are fleeting…

“It is impossible for you to have a need that I cannot meet. After all, I created you and everything that is. The world is still at My beck and call, though it often appears otherwise. Do not be fooled by appearances. Things that are visible are brief and fleeting, while things that are invisible are everlasting.”

Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

In a little over a week I am flying away, one way ticket to St. Croix! This Sunday I am telling my story to a video camera in my extremely empty apartment. A year ago I was with Andy just finishing up Chemotherapy and dreading the months of unknown re occurrence of cancer…not knowing if he was to live or die or when. Tomorrow I will wake up and wonder again what my future holds because that’s just what I do… constantly worry about tomorrow and paralyzed to live for today. Oh what release to live and truly understand happiness. Is it possible to live with little and gain more than my mind can ever imagine?

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

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