• sarah@healingeyes.org

Lost Dreams

Lost Dreams

For the first time I am realizing I have no dreams left. All the dreams me and Andy had together are now gone.


We dreamt of having a bigger house and a large garage for all our cars.

We dreamt of having kids.

We dreamt of getting better jobs.

We dreamt of growing old together.

We dreamt of having a cabin in the wood in the U.P. together.

We dreamt of retiring together.

We put all our hopes and dreams on a life together forever.



It’s gone…

Just like that there is nothing left of that dream.


I am sitting in a beautiful little condo by the Caribbean sean. The wind is blowing, the waves are crashing on the rocks literally feet below my deck…and I am sad..I am crying and clutching Andy’s wallet. His wallet untouched from the final day in the hospital. When I took his final belongings with me and his body went to a room I never saw. His sweatshirt he was wearing is now covering my laptop to keep the salt from ruining my computer. If Andy was here he would be going crazy about the effect of salt on electronics.


My dreams are gone… lost in the wind that now beats on the windows. Will I ever get it back? Will I ever dream of a life that doesn’t involve Andy? Right now it feels too soon and somewhat like betraying him to think I should live and dream with out him. Though I go to bed tonight and close my eyes I pray I dream of Andy and he smiles at me one more time. I feel his loving embrace and his eskimo kiss on my nose. If that were to happen I would wake smiling, knowing he is at peace and that I should be too. That is a fairy tale though. Life is far from a fairy tale.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

2 Comments so far

PTPosted on  1:23 am - May 24, 2014

love, hugs, prayers and strengths from a random stranger who is navigating her own challenges with cancer. One day, you will slowly start to heal, Sarah. In the meantime, may simple dreams and blessings creep slowly back into your heart xxx http://www.pinktankscuba.com

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