• sarah@healingeyes.org

Thank you to a long lost friend

Thank you to a long lost friend

I’m trying to think of something inspiring to say. What can you say when all is lost and only grief fills the gaps?

I got an inspiring email (and donation woot woot) from an old friend of Andy’s (and mine) this morning. I think it was around 2am. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage from others to reach out and connect after so many years. (it can go both ways). I cried over and over when I read the letter. It’s always nice to read others perspective of Andy’s and mine relationship. Especially when its from one of Andy’s childhood friends and someone who knew us before we married and was in our wedding. Oh Andy…you are so missed by many. You were an amazing guy and the best soulmate I could ask for. If I am doomed to wander this earth with your soul haunting me I would ask for no other. She said when Andy first mentioned me to her that he was ‘electric’. I can just imagine that green hair skinny 19 year old saying he met this gimpy girl at college. He had no filter you see. Some people think before they speak but not my Andy…he spoke straight from his heart and was so amazing. Cancer may have took that Andy away in the end but I remember that Andy, I feel in love with that Andy.

I am faced with many decisions on this island and what options to say no to. I will explore each one but I also can’t let some distract me from my mission. The main mission is to grieve and be reborn. To rediscover who I am after a long marriage that ended so painfully. How do other support such a mission?

With words
With memories of Andy
With encouragement
With patience

For the ‘God’ mission? Well that is a mystery. I guess in order to keep doing what God says to do I need to have a body that functions and that requires food and shelter. Seems easy enough to support that. Now for me to not give up hope and doubt every decision I make..that will be a true test of perseverance.

I persevere because I must. I persevere because if I don’t who will? I’ve been avoiding the one thing that’s clear and that is I am to write. To write more than a blog.. to write Andy’s story and mine. Perhaps someone out there going thru cancer needs that. So give me the words God, guide my mind and heart to speak the truth about what pain and doubt is. How a disease can rob you of both and leave chaos in its wake.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

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