• sarah@healingeyes.org

Re-learning what I forgot

Re-learning what I forgot

It’s becoming ever clear that each morning I have to RE-LEARN how to live without my husband. For instance, 13 years of my life I had legs but one day they started to decay from disease and then the doctors amputated them. I wake up in a dark place and with shock therapy am being told to learn to walk on prosthetics.

God is teaching me quite painfully how to re-learn everything I once did with Andy. Even breakfast is an opportunity to miss my legs.

I had eggs in the fridge but NO bread. A simple solution is to buy bread but it’s sooo far away and I have no motivation to get it. But I did it anyways and bought some carrots and bananas. So $16 later I can have an egg sandwich and some snacks for the week.
Lesson of the morning it’s easy to make an egg sandwich but it’s not easy to repeat it each morning. Just like it seems easy to walk around on your legs, you might take for granted, but when you have them but cut them off see how you approach each morning.

Last night I chose to fall asleep naturally (which took a long time) and my reward was dreams of Andy. Now that isn’t really a good thing since when you wake you realize, Damn I’m on an island still and Andy isn’t here. Then later in the night I hear him calling my name over and over, “Sarah, Sarah, Sarah”. It sounded so real that I tried to look around my room for him but he wasn’t there. A cold chill went through my heart since I again realized I am an amputee.

So now I have to learn to make it through another day and tonight the dreams will creep back in and taunt me with memories long gone. In the morning I’ll have to decide again whether it’s worth it to try and wobble around or dive back down to the darkness of grief, waiting to see what person wakes up.

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Cranberries, carrots, bananas Yay

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12 Grain Bread! Yes Healthier

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

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