• sarah@healingeyes.org

Choking back tears of being hated

Choking back tears of being hated

Today I was at the boys and girls club of America and it was the first time I actually almost lost it and broke down in tears. It was starting off good, I had the handful of kids working on a craft about ‘Decisions’ and teaching them how to make the right choices in life. One little girl said she couldn’t do that craft because it had a bible verse on it and her mother doesn’t believe in that church stuff. So I dismissed her to not cause trouble.

Each day I bring my own personal crayons in since they don’t have many there and I ask them to treat them nicely and take one crayon at a time. Today I had some troublemakers and they wouldn’t listen and slowly the crayons ended up everywhere. I used it as an example of choices in life, they could choose to be nice or they can choose to be naughty and there are consequences. The crayons were put away.

Then it got bad…a group of teenagers came out to sit on a picnic table and I told them they needed to go back to their classroom since it still was Homework hour and they gave me some snotty remarks and then turned around. Few minutes later they come back out and say another teacher said it was ok to come out. Smack right on my face, I try to enforce rules that the club has and I am side swiped by another adult. It’s so frustrating to be not liked and to be treated badly. I am giving my time for free for these kids and I get nothing in return except evil looks and mockery. The teenagers than continued to be noisy and were laughing at me while I tried to keep the handful of younger kids under control. That was when all the crayon madness started and I was ready to give up. Everything was falling apart, except one boy who usually is naughty was being so nice and that encouraged me a bit.

Earlier one little girl made a comment that this was my part time job. I explained to her that I don’t get paid to be there; I actually just volunteer because of I love them. She exclaimed, “That’s impossible”, several times. Another girl said, “But Miss Sarah you have to have a job for money, it’s impossible”. I told them God said to come and take care of the kids and I listened.

Now I feel like it is all for nothing…what a waste of my time to keep giving to these kids when the staff members there don’t back me up.

My jeep was fixed yesterday but now the check engine light is on so it appears I have to bring it back tomorrow. Either way I at least could drive myself back home after my terrible experience with the kids today.
I flipped open my bible with tears in my eyes to try and see what to do and I saw this:

Blessed are you who hunger now, For you will be satisfied

Blessed are you who weep now, For you will laugh

Blessed are you when people hate you

When they exclude you and insult you

And reject your name as evil

Because of the Son of Man

Luke 6:21-22

I have a choice.. I can either swallow my Pride and go back tomorrow and take the verbal abuse for the younger kids. Or I can choose to give up. Is little Happy Feet, J’noy, Davi, Angel, Samaje, and Dilani worth it?

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1 Comment so far

journeyofjoyPosted on  2:30 pm - Nov 3, 2014

I am so proud of you and what you’re doing! May God grant you the grace to continue His work. You ARE making a difference. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are…” (Hebrews 4:15)

– Marlene –

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