• sarah@healingeyes.org

Torn between two worlds of Need

Torn between two worlds of Need

A transition between what has helped me move through grief and find the new person in me that I never knew existed to the person I used to be. The need to gain closure on who I was with Andy and what Andy meant to me while being pulled by new faces in Africa. So many faces that I don’t know what to do with when viewed in its enormity of the cause. If I step back and look at just the ONE child and the need to Go again to find that One smile amongst thousands of faces. When here on St, Croix I have seen those smiles and formed a love for these kids that I have grown attached to. The looming goodbye is wearing at me and I fear it’s the wrong choice. I know I have to go and it’s already laid out for me, just some small things like selling the Jeep and a mini refrigerator before packing again. However, today I saw the girls again and one girl in particular hugged me so tight. I will miss her the most and a week from now I will cry tears on that plane as I leave this life behind. It seems I am crying a lot on planes these days! I never knew I could like kids and even handle more than an hour with them. That I was capable of being loved and now I am saying goodbye to it. Why open my heart to something to say goodbye? Today I shared Africa with the kids and explained the need there. That many kids have no water or food and are starving…that they have nothing and make only $1 a day sometimes. The kids were rather quiet during this and I think they felt my pain of going and the pain I felt for those kids on the other side of the world. It’s a bit frustrating when I see kids understand more clearly what suffering is and show more interest in Africa than adults. Is it that curiosity that as adults we lose? Lost in our own problems and stresses of life that curiosity has no place? On a strange coincidence we had cake at the Lighthouse and my birthday is Sunday. I like to think the ‘Sarah Lee’ cake was for me but it was only a coincidence. Today I told the kids I was leaving and it made me sad. I find it a strange coincidence that a homework assignment about predicates summed up the afternoon. (see number 4 and 5 in the photo) photo 3   I happily handed out the donations from the church back in Michigan to the girls. They really like getting spoiled and I think the boys class is jealous.

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

3 Comments so far

KevinPosted on  3:52 pm - Feb 13, 2015

There are no coincidences there. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your open heart with us. You are a living trophy of God’s grace and what God can do with a life surrendered.

EZPosted on  7:57 pm - Feb 13, 2015

I used to believe that people can be concerned over the various sufferings of children, but it’s not until one has their own that they can have a truly visceral pain over the mere thought of a suffering child You, Sarah, clearly show me that being a parent isn’t necessary at all to have that sensitivity. It is both blessing and burden. Godspeed to you in this new chapter and response to His leading.

    Healing EyesPosted on  9:31 pm - Feb 13, 2015

    Thank you. It’s encouraging to read this as most of the time I feel alone in this journey. But the kids really opened my heart past my own pain. This next transition will be hard but I hope worth it. Nothing is impossible !

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