• sarah@healingeyes.org

help I’m drowning in the darkness and lured by my past

help I’m drowning in the darkness and lured by my past

Help…help…I’m sinking and the darkness has found its way in through the evil that remains at the school I have been placed in. Thought to be gone after a leader there was removed but it seems there lingers still a presence very real. Unwelcome outsiders and a feeling of irritation weighed heavy on my heart. Angry feelings creeped in and ideas of quitting snaked their way into my thoughts. Words came out of me of complaint and fear, not wanting to continue placed on my heart. 

This week has been beyond difficult and nights ended in tears of agony. Why ever did I come to this place .. A place where I am unwanted. What was God teaching me? And perhaps what battle was I losing as my mission was under attack by an invisible foe. 

Is spiritual warfare truly real? I am a sceptic to be honest. But perhaps I should consider the possibility that I am wrong … That evil is more powerful  and sneakier than I gave it credit for. 

Cut off from the world …limited internet and phone. No where to turn but within for help.  

A miracle in sight? A glimpse I think … A crack of light shining in that I cling to. A child named Faith on the other side of the barb wire fence says hi and smiles. I force a smile back as I feel darkness still has a hold on me. I cross over to her and a bit of lightness appears and then another child smiles and another and another. Soon I am sitting in the grass surrounded by kids quietly studying each other. Than a choir of kids begin practicing a song and the heavy darkness lifts more. 

A miracle? A hand stretched out to rescue me? These children I was hidden from for days. It had felt like a prison and the adults there were keeping me from the kids I came to see. But somehow a crack in the wire pulled me out and I see hope. 

The sun was shining again and on that field in the grass I sat with a sea of smiling faces. In the distance I saw a small girl dressed in pink hiding behind a tree. She peaked around at the other kids but quickly hid again. I smiled at her and tried to motion her over but she didn’t budge. I felt compelled to keep trying. I felt silly for caring so I let my fear of looking odd go and walked awkwardly over to her. Her eyes were big and shiny, her clothes dirty, but her shy demeanor related to me. She didn’t speak but it didn’t matter. I rubbed her back and told her how beautiful and loved she was. Maybe that was all she needed … To be seen at least. 

Is that what we all feel? Do we hide behind trees hoping someone will see us? Are we all tattered and bruised from life and afraid to see light on the other side? Afraid to step out and risk everything…I admit I am. I’m terrified of this transition and of where I will land. I am a stranger in a land I don’t want to be in. Can I turn away from a small girl in pink hiding behind a tree…can I ever be who I was before the death of my soulmate? Or am I forever changed? Part of me wishes to go back to my old life but than I think I would lose more than I could gain if I would just look forward than behind. 

Healing Eyes
Healing Eyes

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