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Author Archives: Healing Eyes

Tale of a hermit crab


Anyone can be used to create change. Someone dies and then a new path appears. Conversations with unlikely people reveal a truth about human nature. On a beach in the caribbean discussing losing loved ones and then being thrown into a different path of self discovery.

Holding a conversation with a teacher while a small girl uses me as ghoul in a game of tag. She clings to my arm and waist saying, ‘save me’. Then I say, ‘from what?’  Somehow I became the ‘safe zone’. A girl that keeps to herself and now two days in a row she is clinging, hugging, smiling at me. I ignore her and she keeps coming back. Another boy is gone, off to Canada with his dad and his half sister is left behind sucking a lollipop. I think how is she going to walk home without her more sane brother. Yet she smiles, it’s normal for people to come and go.

A girl yells out for me and squeezes me, says I am her favorite person, that she only comes because of me. She doesn’t like sleeping at home so she stays at her grandma’s…she has forgotten what her house is like. She brought a hermit crab in an empty water bottle and pulled her out, said her name was ‘Miss Sarah’.

A boy who doesn’t listen to authority and is stubborn every time smiles and shrugs at me at the same time. He won’t make bracelets because there are too many kids, then later he comes up and hands me one that was fallen on the ground. He’s a quiet thinker, patient, and silent. A shy mouse too stubborn to come out but really inquisitive to his surroundings.

Two kids gone…don’t know what happened to them, a brother and a sister. The girl was energetic and hyper while the brother was withdrawn and sad.

The boys from the catholic school always there first and so intelligent. Well mannered and dependable to help out. My little helpers. I explain to the one small one I have a plan and I need your help. I want to make as many rubber band bracelets as possible to bring to Africa, can you kids help me. He runs off saying, Miss Sarah is here and we need to make bracelets for kids in Africa. Like wildfire it spreads and by the end of the afternoon I now have about 70 bracelets made and no more rubber bands.

God put a whisper in my heart to ask those with the LEAST to help out with my Africa mission. They will want to help and they will gain the most from helping. Do it. So I step out of my comfort zone and listen and this afternoon the kids crowded around me asking what is a missionary, where are you going, will you come back?

It’s the time of giving and the kids understood. It was so cute and refreshing to have them join in my mission. They thought it was cool that they could make something for a kid in Africa. One kid said be sure to tell them there names so the kids knew who made each bracelet.

I repeated the words Africa and missionary so many times today I might actually be fooled into believing this is for real.

Top it all of with the conversation with the teacher about going to Africa and how she thought that was amazing. That she thought I was doing something good and that even here in St. Croix she saw the difference with the kids. An outside perspective finally, affirmation of a job well done. So many lonely days and nights for these kids but she gave me the hope that I can keep going on. That it’s not crazy. She wants to live vicariously through my journey, to meet someone who actually is going to GO she said was awesome. I told her when I first met her I didn’t like kids…she remembered that and laughed as we both noticed the little girl clinging to me since I had unexpectedly become ghoul in a game of tag. I hugged the girl and let my shield down…finally I let me shield down and let myself love again. I’m not retarded with kids…I’m not poison to them…I can be a ‘mother’. Ahhh I’m crying as I just remembered what Johan told me today, he said…’Miss Sarah, you are my mother’. I asked him what he meant, that maybe he meant to say he liked his mother or his mother said something. But no he said, “Miss Sarah you are my mother’. This boy hugs me every day from behind and I casually say Hi Johan. Every time I see him. He even listens to me when I tell him no. The kids listen to me and I am so soft in my speech.

We went through over 1,000 rubber bands today in less than 2 hours. I am now out! If that’s not like the fisherman story where Jesus filled there nets with an overwhelming amount of fish…I didn’t expect to run out of rubber bands today…these kids amaze me!

What am I to do? I need more rubber bands ASAP:)

and I’m falling in love with kids I will eventually have to say goodbye to. and what about Africa…I will fall in love there too… my heart will just have to handle it… Period!

Healing Eyes

Be Patient amidst the storm

With trepidation I went to the boys and girls club. I hadn’t been there for weeks since I was off island and there was so many days of no school before I left. I walk in and there is just one boy there so far and he sees me and smiles, he asked me why I hadn’t been there for weeks. He really stressed the ‘weeks’ part, he had been counting. Another of the boys found me and asked why I hadn’t been there for so long. The boy said his dad was gone too and that everyone was leaving him lately, he listed me high in the list of people missing. The first boy ran and told the other couple kids there, screaming Miss Sarah is back. One of the girls came running out screaming Miss Sarah and hugged me.

Perhaps I was missed. I still was so scared to go today since the staff doesn’t really like me. My fear was overwhelming me of not being accepted. Silly me, if the kids missed me than that’s enough to make it worth it. Why do we complicate things in our adult like brains?

Towards the end I was just playing with a couple small girls that wanted to color and so we worked on a Hello Kitty someone mailed me. Every moment is an opportunity to teach them manners and how to share it seems. Then we had to clean up afterwards and the one girl decided to misbehave for me and threw a pencil in the garbage on purpose. I told her that hurt my feelings and she ran off and sulked in a corner. I coaxed her out and taught her about forgiveness….that I wasn’t mad at her but just sad she didn’t listen to me. Eventually she liked me again and wanted hugs and kisses. While this mini drama was unfolding one of the staff members was yelling at everyone and just a general mood of pain fell on the place. Hard to explain unless you have been there but its odd how one person can create a feeling of fear in the building. At that moment I realized a bit why I was there and so singled out….I am rather quiet and soft spoken and work under the radar of others. The kids find me and I smile and help them, so as long as I can keep that perspective I’ll survive.

Slow and steady…Patient and Calm…amidst the storms of life.

photo (13)


Healing Eyes


1. It takes 7 times to land an idea.

2. It takes 7 times explaining an idea

3. It takes 7x to get peoples attention

4. It takes 7x to not be forgotten

5. It takes 7x to irritate people with persistence

6. It takes 7x to sound repetitive

7. It takes 7x to make an idea stick!

So does it take 7 times of wanting to give up before giving up on giving up?

What’s are the clear steps to take?

  • Work with kids
  • Create a non-profit for neglected kids and/or those in Pain
  • Go to Africa
  • Share stories of loss and hope

How are you doing this?

I was asked while in Michigan how are you surviving and what support do you have. Well if I don’t share than no on will know how to get involved.

  • Using my saving account to Serve
  • Couple individuals give on PayPal
  • Care packages of food and crafts are given periodically
  • Occasional anonymous donations on my blog
  • First speaking gig at a church

How can you help?

  • Share my blog
  • Tell your churches and/or friends I am raising support
  • Invite me to Speak at your church or group
    (Dec 21, Jan 4th I’m in Michigan and FREE)
  • PRAY for doors to open in an unusual ways
  • Care packages (food and/or crafts)
  • Donate $20 if your heart is led to

But really what are you doing on that island?

Well I am doing crafts with kids and helping with homework and trying to figure out ways to go where more pain is. Simple explanation. I am writing about it and then people around the world can chime in and watch as God transforms something awful into something beautiful. Death of a spouse and soulmate into a life forever changed and scarred but not beaten down. I got a ukulele in the mail today for one of my girls. That seemed like an impossible request but a stranger in the U.S. bought it and shipped it. I didn’t like kids and now I am filling my suitcase with crafts for kids instead of clothes for myself. Squirreling away granola bars and snacks in my luggage so I can eat cheaply in order to stretch my money out as far as I can. Finding a box of pine cones for a craft to make turkeys at my doorstep from friends in Michigan. People taking time to do the smallest things to make others smile.


Is Africa a GO and what about St. Croix?!?

Yes…Yes…it is!!!
January 5-22, 2015 through Loving One By One
I will be walking alongside other Ugandans and missionaries helping children and the sick. Stay tune for ways YOU can PARTICIPATE. I am going to try and bring a luggage full of supplies once I know what to bring for those in need. As always donations to support the ground costs of me going is welcome, its tax deductible and checks can be made out to Loving One By One…contact me for more info.

After that short trip I will come back to St. Croix and finish the school year. Then I am going to serve in Africa somehow .. someday.. I am going to live on the edge. I am going to serve in the extreme. Well I hope so.

Healing Eyes

Wanna build a snowman?

Flying over the ocean and over the horizon is MY island. It felt different returning again. This time it will be for 4 weeks and then Christmas break. How do I feel?

  • Exhausted
  • Mediocre
  • Sad

But I have a new friend for Olaf, it’s Christmas Olaf! My boyfriend’s attempt to encourage me to not be a Christmas Scrooge and give xmas spirit a chance. I still say BaHumBug but maybe slightly kinda excited to see what it could be like to enjoy it again. 1 year after Andy died…Smile for Andy’s sake.

Christmas Olaf to try and make me like Xmas

Christmas Olaf to try and make me like Xmas

I am back to my solitude and ‘faith‘ journey. While in Michigan I was blessed to talk at Gaines Church, also met with some friends from Ada Bible Church while eating PANERA. Met with my board members to talk about fundraising and laugh about how crazy it is to be starting a non-profit. Hired my lawyer to write my Bylaws. Lastly, bought some kids supplies for the..well..kids of course. First trip where I bought stuff for others and not me. All in all it was a successful trip ministry wise.

For my journey as a ‘widow’ I am going to start not calling myself that so much and instead consider that as a ‘time’ in my life that got me to this point. Yes it defined me for a bit but now, I have to move on while still loving the memories of Andy. I need to try living and finding happiness. So I did that by dating my boyfriend and talking about life and stuff and giggling and being silly together. Attempted being care free a bit and to NOT feel guilty for smiling. Built a snowman, although a very small and pathetic one, still a snowman! Small steps towards seeing what happiness can be after death.

Two very small ones...but I tried. It was cold!!

Two very small ones…but I tried. It was cold!!


Last but not least.. A friend is selling Poinsettias for Christmas and some of the money goes towards helping my mission out. Currently I am volunteering at Lighthouse Missions and planning a trip to Africa in January for 2 weeks. Money raised will help me fund this life of mine. Sorry, only available to Michigan folks. If your interested this is more info Poinsettia Sale 2014

Healing Eyes

Moving on…can’t stay

It’s hard sometimes when occasionally I miss ‘normalcy’ and privacy. A bit of a life left behind 11 months and 3 days ago. A life long gone and when the snow falls outside I see glimpses of what was. When the snow would fall and the puppies would frolic in the fresh snow while Andy and I chased after each other in our backyard. Gone forever. It’s easy to see others and envy what they have but then in turn they envy what you have. Why is that?

The Snow falls heavy today and back on the island the sun shines bright. Soon I’ll go back to life there and share more stories of the kids and plans ahead. While back here in Michigan the snow will fall on the life I once had, the ground he used to walk on, the air he used to breathe. Gone now but not forgotten. It will be ok because the snow makes things fresh and new.

photo (7)

I go back with more readers and hopefully more direction after my first public speaking gig at Gaines Church. Draining reliving the past and saying it out loud for all to hear in person. This can’t be a solitary mission..I need others to come along and walk alongside sharing what they can to make a difference. To spread the ‘flavor’ of love to those in need. Share kindness and love to the littlest ones on a far off island in the sun so that someday when they grow old they can remember what it means to love amidst suffering.

In a month and a half I will see lives in another world and perhaps see a glimpse of what is next after St. Croix. What stories I’ll have to tell then…and what opportunities others can have to help a little smile far away. Keep going…Keep trying…even if it is seems impossible.

Healing Eyes

Release The Fear

Healing Eyes

In The Blink of an Eye

In a blink my life changes from busyness to peace. It’s easy to fight the gift of peace after a storm.
I must sloooow down!
Andy is gone, in a blink my life changed. Embrace it!

Healing Eyes

Timing is everything

Tomorrow I fly back to Michigan for two weeks reprieve from my solitude. Visiting friends and family. Someone very close to me who I dare admit I’m dating … eek!

Can a widow date? I guess so but it’s scarey. I still feel married and attached To memories of Andy. To live in the now and not in the past. Soooo hard. One day at a time.

Today at the lighthouse the kids were loving.

One of my girl’s was in a super good mood and showed up with a huge smile. She had brought back the journal I gave her the other day after taking her home from the beach. She was sad and scared to be home alone and so I gave her my journal and told her to write about today and draw pictures in it. Instead of just watching TV. It was all I could think of as a last-minute idea to cheer her up. At the same time my heart hurt for having to leave her alone at her house.

When she showed me first thing that journal and said she wrote in it I was so uplifted. The story she wrote in it made tears fill my eyes. She wrote about our day at the beach and about how she had so much fun. The first sentence read, “miss Sarah was so nice”.

I told her I was Proud of her even though she was embarrassed to have me read it. Her whole face was so different today. It’s amazing how a day at the beach outside of a structured program could make such a difference.  Timing is everything.

She was sad I was leaving for two weeks and said I have to come back. I told her I had to go in order to try and raise support to keep helping her. That I am trying to live by sharing my story and get donations. She listened intently. I figure I’ll be honest with her and let her know how I am able to live here…good real life example of living beyond normal. I am concerned about fundraising as i have been unsuccessful so far but more doors are opening sooo I’m hopeful.

Continued prayer needed for support and opportunities to serve.

Healing Eyes

Why ??


My therapist told me, “that ‘was’ your life and now you can either live in the past or keep letting it ruin your present and future”. Ugh!!! I cry for other widows today.
Stuck in my own grief thinking I am alone but so many other woman out there are suffering today. Anyone that prays…take a moment and think of all the broken hearts out there..all the lost dreams and lost lives…the lost hugs of a soul mate…forever gone. Pray for peace in their hearts, that today will be a day to NOT cry but smile at the memories of the past. Looking forward to the future and what life can be like with the second attempt at living. Let them not be consumed by the darkness that creeps in at night when we realize no more is their love waiting for them. Instead they can smile knowing the pain is gone from their bodies, they are free from this world and experiencing a life we can only dream of.

Healing Eyes

Finding A Passion and Purpose by Kim Trumbo

Healing Eyes