• sarah@healingeyes.org

Author Archives: Healing Eyes

Presented with a challenge

Since the Lighthouse after school program unexpectedly closed down for a week I can now devote more energy at the other club and God put some inspiration into my heart at around 2am on Thursday. Filled with excitement by the time 7am rolled around I had a plan, 5 devotional type crafts for 5 days at the boys and girls club.

Thursday : Honor your Parents
Friday: Tell the Truth
Monday: Forgiveness
Tuesday: Decisions
Wednesday: Sheep

Then have the kids present each craft every day and share what they learned. One boy was scared to be on stage but I told him I also fear public speaking and if I can do it he can too. He fell on his butt from running up the stair and all the kids laughed but he survived and even said a word or two. When we worked on the second craft today he just kept talking about how scared he was but he said it all with a smile on his face.  I suppose as frustrating as it is with all the screaming and chaos of lack of rules at the club it’s worth it for 20 minutes of one on one time with some kids craving attention. If I can keep tackling a small group at a time than perhaps something will rub off on the kids.

Little J’noy worries me, he has taken to being depressed much more and I tried to ask him why but he just won’t say. It was nice to see him perk up a bit on the stage when he showed his craft, I think maybe he smiled. (he’s on the left in both photos.

 

Healing Eyes

Kids are teaching me about love

“Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child, burst into song, shout for joy. You who never were in labor, because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband.” Isaiah 54

Your tent will open wide and the children will love you. Even as yesterday when Carla asked why all the kids love me. Shout for joy, you who never bore a child, because more are the children of a desolate woman than of her who has a husband. How beautiful to see the meaning behind those words after years upon years of them sitting in a little book waiting for one day to be read.

Burst into song – remember no more the reproach of your widowhood! Love the children beyond what you have known in the past. For the past is just that.

Give song to me again…even if it is all a mystery as to why things happen as they did. Why so many years of being childless…so that I could live now for each child needing love amidst their suffering.

Bring it on!

Healing Eyes

Simple blessings amidst suffering

Life teaches us more than what we find in textbooks. Our greatest teacher of obedience is through suffering. From great loss, such as death of a loved one, to our daily failures we suffer over and over. Each time we learn something new about ourselves and how we react will be a witness to others.

I have no jeep. On an island that means I have to wait for the new radiator to be shipped over and then hope the post office will release them in a timely manner. There is no loaner car from the local dealer. There is only waiting. Waiting on the kindness of others and waiting on the mechanic. Good news I have raised $325 towards my new radiator, half way there.

This has forced me to again be still and have patience. Lots of time to read and listen…be guided to act and to wait on things. This experience again reminds me that I am not in control. I am at the whim of my invisible friend. Yesterday at the club I felt so small and useless with the kids yelling and not being able to reach each kid to help with homework. Little J’noy speaks so softly and is trying so hard to be noticed but the other kids over power him. J’shaun (I call him ‘J’) is my smart kid. I saw him working on his homework while the other kids were running around like monkeys. We sat down at a picnic table and worked through his alphabetizing and math (of which my math sucks). He wanted to get the homework down before power hour I think because it’s so loud during that hour of homework time that he can’t think. I don’t blame him, its pretty impossible to really get anything done during that time. Later I had J’shaun help with the other kids by pointing to the misbehaving ones and he would tell that kid to come over to me. He’s really a great helper. It’s shocking that during summer camp he was actually loud and misbehaving but now he is polite and kind.

Little happy feet got a big hug from me before I left, I picked her up and swung her around. She said she loved me and I said I would be back on Friday. ‘See you on Friday she yelled’.

Almost forgot the cutest part of the day. I shared photos of my day at the beach with Olaf the snowman from the movie Frozen. The kids found that quite humorous that I made Olaf’s dream come true.

I dare say I am in danger of falling in love with all these kids.

Healing Eyes

Ah crap…not my Jeep!!!

2pm and it’s time to volunteer at the Boys and Girls club…so…I get in my Jeep and head out… but wait…something bad is about to happen eek!

After driving down the road the Jeep started to make a noise!

While turning around to bring the Jeep to the mechanic I stalled at a red light and begged for the jeep to start.. it did.. but … then a few miles down it stalled while going down a hill. The brakes got soft and I had to use the handbrake to come to a stop on the side of the road next to some guys cleaning cars.

Hand Smack!!!

Smoke coming out of the engine and a clanging sound. One of the guys comes up and we talk, I was only a mile away from the mechanic and thankfully the guy offered to pull me with a rope. Another guy volunteered to steer and I went along for the ride.

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My Jeep was coasting down the hill and I was led, quite literally, to two guys named, Jesus and Jacob who pulled me to the mechanic with a tattered piece of string. Nice guys at least, they also do mechanic work so maybe they’ll be cheaper if the engine is savable. I decided to hug Jesus, I mean why not he saved me $75 for a tow truck (he kissed me on the cheek, he didn’t speak much english). I told them my name, Sarah, and they laughed, another biblical name from the bible. At least I can laugh about the fact that now I have no car.

I was going to say Pray it was seized up but I just got a call. Its the radiator and all the hoses and whistles to go with it. So now I am out $610 to fix it.

Would it be bad to put the donate button on this post for anyone that wants to help an island gal out who just wants to help the kids since God said to sell everything and move to an island to mentor to kids ?  I could really use a miracle right about now 🙁

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Healing Eyes

Answering the call again

After much back and forth on prayer with God and perhaps some stubbornness. I have taken the next leap of faith in what he is asking me to do. First though yesterday I heard a bible story about Gideon and him asking God to give him a sign..something about making the morning dew not appear on a wool fleece and that would be a sign that the request was from God. Then he didn’t believe it when God did it and he said alright make everything else dry and just the wool fleece damp. So it took a couple tries for Gideon to believe what God was telling him to do.

I haven’t been laying a wool fleece outside my door (although I wonder if that would work in modern days hmm) but I have been putting off what God said to do and asking for signs. This morning I sat down on my porch and prayed that if he wanted me to pull the trigger and dish out the money to start the paperwork for forming a business and the non profit status that he would make it clear to me right away to do it. So then as I’m sitting outside I get a call from the ‘legal people’ wanting to answer all my questions I was procrastinating on. In my mind I still think this is a ludicrous plan and seriously impossible to accomplish, I mean the logistics are maddening on how to pull this off, and the fees are large. But I can’t refuse a blatant phone call after praying about what to do….so there you have it. I pushed the button and awaiting to hear if the business name “Healing Eyes, Inc.” is approved and then await the IRS to approve my tax exempt request which will take months I’m told.

Why the name, Healing Eyes? Well…

“Healing eyes comes from what we cannot see. Most often through life we can allow pain to imprison our minds and guide us numbly through life. God promises to be our light in times of trouble and our loving Shepard if only we surrender what is precious to us. Pain can cause blindness but it also can be a gift from God if we hand it over… Let go to breathe.”

“Through brokenness is pain. After the blindness of pain is lifted we can see with new eyes. Without loss it’s harder to truly know joy.”

“I reached the end of self by losing everything! Being set free at last!”

 

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Healing Eyes

Traveling Pink Ukulele spotted by the kids

First day bringing the traveling Pink Uke to the Lighthouse…again it seems the kids love it. How can something so small get so much attention… I suppose similar to how ‘Little Genesis’ gets so much looks. It’s true that great things come in little packages.

The little girl named Genesis is new this year to the program. Yes she is as tiny as she seems and if you call her ‘Little’ she says, “No I’m a big lady”. So cute.

Kids Concert Series 🙂

Healing Eyes

How to keep going…

The Kids

Another month almost done and once again I wonder how long I am supposed to be on this island and doing what I am doing. It is really hard seeing how it will work when I am paying my bills with faith. I can’t let myself be led by money…I did that before in old job. This time I want to be led by my heart. The boys and girls club today was challenging as always and very hot. The structure is still very chaotic there and most of the time the kids are in charge. I wasn’t feeling very well but I dragged myself in and come homework time I pulled up a chair and just sat in the middle of the room. Different tactic this time a passive aggressive (mainly out of the fact I was hurting and needed to sit down) teaching style might work. At first it appeared to work, I sat in the chair and did the clapping technique to get the kids to repeat the pattern I clapped which then got there mouths to shut. The kids would come to me for help so I could not get up and down. In theory it worked but after awhile with all the other older kids coming in and out of the room it fell apart. On the upside one of the parents came in and told his kid to listen to me, that was a great feeling to see my efforts did matter. The dad said to let him know whenever his son misbehaved.

It all feels hopeless by the end of the day. The kids have incomplete sentences, spelling, math issues, and A.D.D. on self inflicted sugar comas. One little girl I think is dyslexic and she’s a sweety but then her mother called afterwards and yelled at the director since she said we didn’t help her child with homework. Sigh…endless battles it seems are to come.

It’s hard only being at that club 2 days a week since the rules I enforce aren’t consistent with other when I am not there so the kids are confused and the staff are frustrated. Sadly, I am so little amongst all those kids and I look like a pushover. Which I don’t quite get since I think I am putting a pretty serious face on. Strangely even though this club is so stressful I love it there more than Lighthouse. Perhaps its the challenge I get from the chaos or that some of the kids I have gotten to love from summer camp.

There was one boy who used to be well behaved but sadly I think he is trying out the ‘misbehaving’ method to get attention. I had to suspend him from the computer lab for the week for playing games. All those kids know the rules but they push it…funny enough when they see me in the lab they know they shouldn’t play games and vacate fast. I asked the boy later that afternoon why he was misbehaving when he used to be so good, I told him it made me sad to see him try and get attention that way and that he shouldn’t reach to those methods to get attention. I even tried telling him he’s a good boy and I don’t like punishing him when I know he better than that.


 

Showtime back in Michigan .. Watch

This Sunday I was blessed to have my story shared at a church in Michigan, a friend took some photos while in the congregation. Who knows what is next but I will have faith somehow I’ll eat each day and have a roof over my head. It takes time to grow.

Biggest needs are prayer for perseverance, and networking with churches to raise support to walk along with these children.

 

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Healing Eyes

Faithfulness

After sharing my story with a church back in April, before moving to St. Croix to help out at Lighthouse Mission, my story was made live for others to see this past Sunday. I watched it from a friend’s house and shed a few tears as the person who introduced it shared how he remembered helping paint my house while Andy was sick. Before putting our house on the market a group of volunteers came over and painted it the Blue I had wanted for years. Andy lay inside exhausted from Chemo treatments while the house got a makeover. For some reason that part made me cry the most, it was nice that he remembered that bit of help he did for us.

Watch Now

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Healing Eyes

Pink ukulele brings joy

I had a brilliant blog entry all typed up and then the internet dropped and I lost the whole thing. Another part of island life to get used to…free wifi means compromise, but then again I think its much slower than the states anyways.

Today was a fulfilling day at the Boys and Girls Club, although quite frustrating with the Junior high kids. They seem to have no respect and consider me a bother to deal with. Alas, I did get two of the young ladies to listen to me and I think they remembered some of the computer skills I taught them. After the abuse from the older kids was done I got to grab my pink ukulele and searched for Angel who asked to play it again.

Outside the kids quickly swarmed around me to play the ukulele. We ended up having a cute sing along to the ‘Let it Go’ song from Frozen. It’s amazing how many words they know from the song but how little they remember about word comprehension and math. Oh well, a downfall of not enough adults to give them one on one attention with their homework it seems. Some days its me and 20 some 3rd and 4th graders in a small room with picnic tables, needless to say its a lot of yelling and not so much concentrating. Slowly we’ll get there.

I let each kid have a turn with the ukulele and taught them a few notes and how to strum. They really were drawn to it and it was a great encouragement after the older kids put me through the ringer. After I gave all my love and attention to them I drove home to my little apartment by the water. It’s a beautiful view but at night its lonely and dark. When I got home my stomach started to grumble and I realized it was the dreaded time of night where I have to figure out what to make. One thing about gastric cancer is the repercussions it takes on the ones left behind. Andy lost his stomach and ultimately his life but in the process food now has a stigma with me. It seems I have some post traumatic symptoms to work through on dinner time. I remember when I set up Andy’s feed tubings through his gut and how he hated not being allowed to eat real food, so I would eat in another room and away from his gaze. Months later when he was eating small amounts of food there was one evening where we were eating subs. I had a 7 inch sub and he only was allowed a couple inches to slowly eat. We both broke down crying and I had to tuck my sandwich away so not to make him upset and later that night I silently finished it so not to hurt him more. Gastric cancer took a lot away from us and changed me forever…food is not a pleasant affair and lots of food brings back memories of Andy losing his favorite thing while he was ‘alive’. Somehow I’ll have to work through this one but it’s going to take a lot of work since we take food for granted.

Healing Eyes

Technical Changes aloof

Upcoming changes are in the making as I transition my blog further into my ministry tool to reach others. My heart has been heavy over the past weeks with deciding what changes to make. This morning you will notice some small tweaks to the naming of the site and at some point the url will be changing from sarahandycancer.com to a new exciting one. In a way its a shedding of the story that got me to where I am and a start to a new one.

So stay tuned and don’t fear the url will re-direct to the new one and you shouldn’t see any interruption in posts (unless you use the RSS feed and then you might have to redirect it for those tech saavy readers).

Healing Eyes