• sarah@healingeyes.org

Author Archives: Healing Eyes

Passing time

Went kitchen tile shopping…check.
Bought penguin air humidifier…check.
Bought queen mattress finally…check.
Bought huge bottle of hand sanitizer…check.
Took plenty of calming meds…check.
Andy still breathing…check.

Phew seems another day almost past without melting down. So yes it is possible to have a day go by without the ground crumbling.

Now I just need lots of yarn…a mountain of yarn to get lost in…. Let the cancer hat assembly line begin. Goal, to have 1 hat to bring each time we visit the cancer center…maybe that can cheer up others going thru the same misery as us.

Healing Eyes

cancer sucks

As with everything in our Life we are now turned down a path we did not choose. We had hoped for a ‘normal’ family..We had hoped for ‘family thru adoption’…We now are on the path of healing.

Cancer has unexpectedly knocked on our door and ripped us to pieces. Now once again we must pick up the pieces of our very public lives and beat cancer.  It’s true I guess that some couples are forced to take the path less traveled…I say that path isn’t really that pretty and totally overrated.

As we have many people wanting to know updates and show support and concern for Andy I am going to just do updates here so that i can retain some ‘normal’ in my life and not have a nervous breakdown.

Andy has stomach cancer…its not pretty..its not early stage..and its potentially curable…
We are in the doctors hands right now. Chemo started today and will continue for the next 9 weeks. Then we hope and pray and beg for the tumor to have shrunk.

then we get the final news about what is to become of the stomach.. I wont go there now because somethings need to be taken with small bites.

Then we do more chemo.

That is the suggested plan for us and that is what we are stuck with..for better or for worse we will get thru this because that’s just what Andy and I do. We survive.

What we need now is prayer, the knowledge that if we call in need of help that someone will pick up. So far we have received so much encouragement and help, and its been great.

Luckily as I write this I am doped up on some numbing meds that will keep me sane ..

I dont like long blogs…so i will end it here.. and on this note.. “our kitchen countertop showed up today at least”

Healing Eyes

Hope blossomed


Healing Eyes

How high can you Jump

We step outside to get our mail and what do we see.. not good news thats for sure. why would you ever get good news in the mail at the end of the day?!

The IRS wants more information about our adoption credit we filed for. Alright, not sure how much more detail I can provide when nothing has happend, i thought to myself.  

I just finished the paperwork and dotting my i’s… I went to mr mailman and shipped it out today, fingers crossed i didn’t screw it up and they will accept our return.  Adoption credit is nice in words and as incentive to adopt but it’s definitely not an easy thing to claim.. oh well, the best things in life don’t come easy.  And in our case, that is amplified by about a million since hoop after hoop we jump to keep up with the game we are stuck in.

Healing Eyes


Our new caseworker just reviewed or profile and says we have a stable flourishing marriage relationship and we know how to have fun. We should be patient for a birth mother to connect with us.

ah sigh..I know she’s right.

Healing Eyes

Adoption Credit

It’s tax time and that means HEADACHE for trying to figure out what to claim on your taxes.

Holy crap! i knew it would be a pain to figure out but 4 hours later we did it! we claimed our first expenses from 2010, which wasn’t much but hey it was something and at least it was the full refund. In 2011 the tax credit just goes as a credit and not cash back and then in 2012 it goes away:(

Help convince congress to reinstate the tax incentive and check out this petition for change.  I never have been political or even a petitioner type of signer but this really hits hard for us and numerous other prospective Adoptive parents. Without this tax credit many can’t even adopt or won’t even try, for us we still will make it happen but it will squeeze us harder come bill day.



oh.. and turbo tax rocks! the commercials are true, they really do have live chat and with real CPA tax experts:)

Healing Eyes

Year One check

Almost 12 months this Feb 4th.

uggg what a crappy milestone.  But our caseworker will say now you have more  hope because you put the initial 12 months in. Tell that to my nerves and ever fading hopes of having a family. Our homestudy should be renewed by now, all the paperwork has made its way back to the office. Now its just another renewal fee and we can check that off our to do list.

We are closer to our first goal financially at least, then it will be on to raising the second half we will need for all the extra fees that come along.

How does any adopting hopefuls ever stay positive thru all of this?!

thinking of ending this blog…..

Healing Eyes


Can you imagine waiting for something that may never come?
Can you imagine someone else in control of your dreams?

We can!

Our caseworker says after a year in many couples feel more hopeful. I snickered to myself, how silly that sounded. More like after a year many couples feel beat up, defeated, drained, and unmotivated. But somehow I don’t think a caseworker would say that. Not when they want couples to think there is hope and to hang on longer and longer, waiting and waiting.

We’ll see is all I could say. We’ll see if we can allow ourselves to be hopeful..

To anyone waiting to adopt I say hang in there! We are! We’ve made it many many many years hanging in there, what’s another year of holding our breaths!

Can you imagine making the decision to let go of a dream?

Healing Eyes



The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

We asked for signs
the signs were sent:
the birth betrayed
the marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
of every government —
signs for all to see.

I can’t run no more
with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
say their prayers out loud.
But they’ve summoned, they’ve summoned up
a thundercloud
and they’re going to hear from me.

Ring the bells that still can ring …

You can add up the parts
but you won’t have the sum
You can strike up the march,
there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
That’s how the light gets in.
That’s how the light gets in.

Healing Eyes

its not all bunnies and rainbows

It’s been almost 2 months since our caseworker last emailed us with news. She only talks to us when our profile is shown or if there is some event to attend. Quite depressing to hear any news but is also just as hard to hear bad news. I honestly can’t blog only happy news, there just isn’t enough happy news with adoption. We have not yet experienced the happy parts that can come with adopting. I read about and hear about the ‘good parts of adoption’. Its a way to build a family, but really is screwed up in a way. We are asking a complete stranger to call us up and give us her child, this is a woman that we most likely would never have hung out with, someone who is not in our small social bubble, a woman that i could only slightly relate to in that we both have lost a child. To go thru the steps of offering your child to a strange couple who can not have there own has to be the hardest choice. So how can i sit here and say hurry up and pick us already. It’s not my place to rush, but our hearts still wait, for a bit longer, since how long can one truly wait in limbo between the repetitive motions of the day and the unknown hope of tomorrow.

… It’s not a fair situation for anyone, and yet here we are. How can we expect a stranger to ask us to do such a life changing thing? when you pass a stranger on the street you may never know if they are contemplating something like this. It could be the lady in front of you at a grocery store, she may not even be showing yet, she could be struggling with such a difficult decision and you would never know. No one wears a sign that yells it out. If you know someone struggling, give them support and encouragement, don’t force them either way, give them time and space because its a decision that can be made and unmade at any point, but always should be in the best interest of the child that has no voice, the child that everyone involved loves even if life gets in the way.

The year 2012 is like last year, nothing more and nothing less, hopes will not be raised or lowered but hold steady until …


Healing Eyes