• sarah@healingeyes.org

Author Archives: Healing Eyes

seasons go bye

Sept and October have gone by.. we had 3 birthmothers review our profile.
that means 3 no’s but at least 3 looked.
They keep telling us this is the time of year when things pick up but the year is going by with no call in sight.
Here comes 2012 and we will have to renew our homestudy for another year of waiting and not knowing. Adoptive parents don’t get the luxury of knowing when it can happen. Can’t really plan for the unknown… when/if the call comes it will all just happen, let’s hope we haven’t gone loopy by then:)

http://life.familyeducation.com/adoption/adoptive-parents/45795.html

http://adoptionsbygladney.com/html/whatsnew/art_aa_enews11_08.html

Healing Eyes

different ways of finding a birthmother

Question: What is the difference between a “designated” and “matched” adoption?Answer: A designated adoption is a situation where an adoptive family and birth parent find each other through mutual friends, family, pastor, advertising, etc. They often have a common contact who has introduced them without the assistance of the agency. This is also often called a private adoption.

A matched adoption is a situation where a birth parent selects the adoptive family from looking at agency profiles. She can look at the profiles on the web site, or she can request profiles that specifically meet her requests.

Adoption Associates, Inc. works with families pursing both of these types of adoptions.

Healing Eyes

what if sniffles

Ask me again in another month how the wait goes..

Ask me again in another week how the progress goes..

Ask me again tomorrow if we should still adopt..

Anyone going thru adoption, or who has gone thru adoption knows this second guessing. At one time you have questioned everything.

Every day I mumble this poem to myself, it is what keeps me hoping that maybe some day we could have it happen to us:

The Gift of Life I didn’t give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so. For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn’t give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. — Unknown
Healing Eyes

Money money

Holy cow we are so close to $10,000!!!!!

we are at $9,477 for the adoption!

Just wow 🙂

Our Fundraising Website

Healing Eyes

A bumpy weekend

Today I received my first negative comment on one my blogs on Adoption. It was a comment about my last post on our Profile Shown at last. It seems my quick sentence about the limitations on our openness for ethnicity and drug use was taken the wrong way and read too deeply, sooo to clarify….

When you first go to an agency you are asked a ton of questions on your level of openness to drug use, ethnicity, religion, ect.. During those initial months they ask you to check yes or no on a long list of things that anyone would find both uncomfortable and difficult decisions to make in such a short time. We are open to most bi-racial adoption as well as Caucasian (many families that go to the agency only are open to Caucasian, I do not look down on them because i an understand why they chose that path), we are however limiting ourselves on drug use because we aren’t able to deal with possible serious health conditions. Once you check that ‘bi-racial’ box the agency dives deeper into what race you are open to, and then you are required to take a class on bi-racial adoption. In this class we listened to 2 very different adoptees tell there story of being raised in a bi-racial family.

The hard part now is to wait, knowing that the decisions made then will decide what birthmother we get shown to. Once you are shown and then denied it is a joyous and bittersweet experience. It is human nature to second guess ones decisions. I am by no means a political gal, or an expert on diversity in the home….but we are adopting and every couple at the agency is looking for the same thing we are, a family.

Comments are great, both positive and negative, they show that there is a curiosity on how adoption works.

Healing Eyes

Adoption Profile shown at last

What to do when given the news that your profile was shown twice in July.

Option 1: Be happy and excited that the agency is showing our profile to birthmothers

Option 2: Take it as a sign of progress and that more birthmothers are coming to the agency

Option 3: Our limitations on what we checked on our Level of Openness form, the type of drug use isn’t holding us back from having our Profile shown.

Option 4: Two birthmothers didn’t like our profile and so we aren’t good enough to be parents.

Well the obvious answer would be option 1-3. But there is that nagging option 4 that pulls at my pessimistic side. I’m screaming ‘Pick us’!!!!
It’s ok..more time to save money and be prepared for ‘the call’.

We still need help fundraising, visit our site or pass it along.
http://eyecreatesolutions.com/adoption/Adoption_Site/Fundraiser.html

Healing Eyes

Training to succeed

I’m in training right now.

Training my body to go long distances…to persevere even though my mind says stop. After the 20 mile mark my head starts to say enough…the 30 mile marker mind says keep going…the 50 mile mark and it’s slamming on the brakes in my head. Once I get to 66 miles my mind is playing all kinds of tricks on me, the adrenaline is lessening and the tears kick in. Who knows what happens at 100 miles!

Every ride I push a little harder and every day I succeed. It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you put your mind to it. The brain is a muscle just like my legs and the only way to make my goal is to try.

So how can I use this strength in my day to day struggles with Adoption and coming to grips with never having a biological child? Easy enough, just train. Day by day I’ll tell myself it’s ok, Don’t let go of the loss but let the loss make me stronger, use what I have gone thru to know tomorrow is another day, each day brings me closer and closer to the Daugher or Son I will love. It’s all in the mind, let it teach the heart to love someone not of your blood… and the healing will come.

Healing Eyes

International adoption on the decline?

I stumbled on an article about the drop in international adoption. When we first started out we first looked at international adoption because it seemed the ‘sure thing’.  Now it seems that some countries are closing there doors. Or stricter rules are now in place contrary to 10 years ago.

We also thought like many others starting out in adoption that international takes the birthmother out of the picture. We thought maybe you can adopt a healthy infant, but now it seems children are older and may have some mental difficulties from being in institutional care. It just shows adoption isn’t an easy path either way you choose, it’s one that comes with risk, financial burden, stress, and uncertainty on both domestic and international.

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/parenting-family/story/2011/07/Drop-in-international-adoptions-sparks-debate/49630702/1

I liked the quote at the end of this article the best:

“It takes a commitment to a child, whether you know who that child is today, or you don’t. The commitment is unbelievably important.”

Healing Eyes

No news is good news… right?

When you are waiting to adopt your caseworker will give you monthly updates. When we first started out I heard from someone else going thru it that she opted out of these updates. I didn’t understand then why someone wouldn’t want to be updated regularly, any news is good news I thought. I regret saying that to her now, since I think it hurt, the waiting time really is agonizing. When I found out she had been matched up with a birth mother I said, “how long did you wait”, she replied 9 months. I said, “oh wow how fast”. Again something I wish I could take back, as I noticed her face couldn’t hide the months of pain it endured during the loooong wait.

What didn’t sink in until waiting for 4 months was that those monthly updates are just reminders of how long you have been waiting and how no progress is being made and that it may never happen.

ah ha!

Please don’t send me news of NO news Miss Caseworker.
I enjoy going day by day oblivious to the facts and statistics on how many birth mothers the agency is working with and then comparing that to the large amount of waiting families. So that by the end of the email our prospects look dim and I second guess all the choices we made when filling out the ‘openness’ form for our birth mother.

Healing Eyes

Cautiously pessimistic

With every day that goes by and every minute that ticks by you build a wall to keep yourself from getting too hopeful. Nothing is certain. There are no promises or 100% guarantee. Every day is a cautious step towards letting yourself hope and believe.

I never have been one to be Optimistic. Years have taught me patience and perseverance but not so much optimism. Call me the perpetual pessimist. It doesn’t really offend me because I’m not in denial:)

I tip toe thru the dreams of having a family, I don’t let my imagination grow too much. I do let myself believe it can happen someday .. no one can predict the future since its always changing. Here’s hoping those fortune cookies do come true!

Healing Eyes