• sarah@healingeyes.org

Author Archives: Healing Eyes

International adoption on the decline?

I stumbled on an article about the drop in international adoption. When we first started out we first looked at international adoption because it seemed the ‘sure thing’.  Now it seems that some countries are closing there doors. Or stricter rules are now in place contrary to 10 years ago.

We also thought like many others starting out in adoption that international takes the birthmother out of the picture. We thought maybe you can adopt a healthy infant, but now it seems children are older and may have some mental difficulties from being in institutional care. It just shows adoption isn’t an easy path either way you choose, it’s one that comes with risk, financial burden, stress, and uncertainty on both domestic and international.


I liked the quote at the end of this article the best:

“It takes a commitment to a child, whether you know who that child is today, or you don’t. The commitment is unbelievably important.”

Healing Eyes

No news is good news… right?

When you are waiting to adopt your caseworker will give you monthly updates. When we first started out I heard from someone else going thru it that she opted out of these updates. I didn’t understand then why someone wouldn’t want to be updated regularly, any news is good news I thought. I regret saying that to her now, since I think it hurt, the waiting time really is agonizing. When I found out she had been matched up with a birth mother I said, “how long did you wait”, she replied 9 months. I said, “oh wow how fast”. Again something I wish I could take back, as I noticed her face couldn’t hide the months of pain it endured during the loooong wait.

What didn’t sink in until waiting for 4 months was that those monthly updates are just reminders of how long you have been waiting and how no progress is being made and that it may never happen.

ah ha!

Please don’t send me news of NO news Miss Caseworker.
I enjoy going day by day oblivious to the facts and statistics on how many birth mothers the agency is working with and then comparing that to the large amount of waiting families. So that by the end of the email our prospects look dim and I second guess all the choices we made when filling out the ‘openness’ form for our birth mother.

Healing Eyes

Cautiously pessimistic

With every day that goes by and every minute that ticks by you build a wall to keep yourself from getting too hopeful. Nothing is certain. There are no promises or 100% guarantee. Every day is a cautious step towards letting yourself hope and believe.

I never have been one to be Optimistic. Years have taught me patience and perseverance but not so much optimism. Call me the perpetual pessimist. It doesn’t really offend me because I’m not in denial:)

I tip toe thru the dreams of having a family, I don’t let my imagination grow too much. I do let myself believe it can happen someday .. no one can predict the future since its always changing. Here’s hoping those fortune cookies do come true!

Healing Eyes

1..2…3…4 tell me that it’s our turn yet

Not to count but it’s hard when you get a bill every month from the agency that counts for you. 4 months with our profile active. I guess looking back that seems fast. From the first day we lost our first baby to the difficult months that followed …and finally to choosing adoption. We have come a loooooong way and have many miles to travel yet.
One day at a time, one hour, one minute of every day brings us closer to meeting our child.

Hang on to the hope … for anyone else in the same journey as us.

Healing Eyes

oh the spinning

from the moment you go down the road towards adoption there is a feeling of loss on both parties involved. The hope is that out of the loss can spring some good for the parents and the little child in the center of it all.
Some people turn to adoption as a way to just grow there already existing family. while others, like us, choose adoption because growing a family the ‘traditional’ way escapes them. Coming to terms with this is a part of the process.
There is a book I love to turn back to called ‘Dear Birthmother’ by Kathleen Silber & Phylis Speedlin. Our agency required it as reading and although at the beginning we groaned when we heard there was reading assignments it turned out to be a very positive homework assignment.
I find myself re-reading passages to remind myself I am not alone.

“When they completed the home study process and their “Birthmother letter”, they were thrilled and relieved. They could simply look forward to the baby’s arrival. This waiting period, however, also proved difficult. Marisa found herself waiting daily for the phone to ring. They soon began to wonder if they would ever get their call. Once more they were reminded that their destiny was out of their control.”

“Society, in addition, does not assist the adoptive couple in preparing for their role change to parenthood. Even family members and friends may not provide approving support to the adoptive couple. This can be partly explained because the couple shows no outward signs that they will soon be parents. More significant, however, is in the general lack of understanding of adoption….individual reactions will vary to a couple’s decisions to adopt…’birthmother will reclaim her child’, ‘Gee you are really special to adopt someone else’s child’, ‘You’re so lucky–adopting is the easy way of having a child'”.

The reel spins in my head that the wait is painful, what if the birthmother never chooses us, or what if the birthmothers doesn’t like us when we meet. Stopping the spinning is a daily battle all adoptive parents ‘to be’ go thru. It’s a common bond we can hold on to…there is an end in sight and it is oh so beautiful.

Healing Eyes

the hardest choices don’t come easy

we all have choices to make and they all have consequences.
Some are harder than others, yesterday I met two strong birthmothers that made the ultimate decision that would forever change there lives.
Our agency uses the term ‘woman in crisis’, now I never quite understood that phrase very well. Until last night when i heard stories of crisis and the choices made to get thru it.

One woman contacted the agency very early on and knew adoption was the right choice for her, she laid out a pros and cons list and prayed hard about what to do. People around her gave her advice and some suggested just get an abortion or tough it out. She had 4 kids, was a single mom, and was struggling, it wasn’t fair to the unborn baby to be born into such a situation. She doesn’t regret her decision and she was happy for her child who had 2 loving parents. Since it was a semi-open adoption she kept in contact and some day if the child wants to meet her he can.

The second woman was drastically different. It wasn’t until the last month before she contacted the agency when a private adoption fell thru. It was a whirlwind of emotions but thru it all she knew this was the right decision and regrets nothing. She chose a family that had no children so that her daughter would be the center of the universe. At that time she couldn’t provide all that was needed and selflessly choice life thru adoption.

Until you can hear these stories in person it can’t quite have the full effect. Tears were shared and even some laughter. Both sides thought the others were so gracious and giving. Adoptive parents are so grateful for this gift of life and the birthmothers are so grateful they opened there arms to a child that had no voice. There is a common bond in adoption, crisis.

We all have choices in life, adoption isn’t easy on either side, being able to look thru a birthmother’s eyes is awakening.

Healing Eyes


How much is too much information? In today’s social media craze, tweet this and blog that, it seems anything goes. With adoption you walk a fine line between privacy and exposure. On the one hand you want to tell your story and get the word out – but – on the other you want to hide and just let the agency take over the search.

Adoption is a positive and exciting time for those ‘hoping to adopt’. For birthmothers its a difficult and painful decision that does not come lightly. That is why its a fine line when advertising, “Hey we want to adopt, Pick Us!”

Agencies, blogs, websites, forums all suggest that sharing your adoption journey is a great way to reach out to a birthmother searching for a family in her time of need.  It’s deciding what to withhold and what to share that each couple has to decide on. Resources I found helpful.

We are open to adopt – our arms are wide open.. by telling our story and networking perhaps we can meet that special mother out there looking for us too.

Our profile to share with anyone searching

Healing Eyes

Books to read

While waiting you start researching…you join blogs, facebook pages, support groups. Try to keep your mind busy as you wait, preparing your home and your mind for the dramatic change that can come at any minute.

These are just a few books I have found while killing time.

1. Kelsey Stewart wrote the book “The Best For You” in her perspective as a Birth Mother telling her child why she chose adoption.

2. God Found Us You (HarperBlessing​s) by Lisa Tawn Bergren (Hardcover)

3. Over the Moon: An Adoption Tale by Karen Katz (Paperback)

4. My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families by Zoe Francesca (Diary)

5. You Are My Wish Come True by Marianne Richmond (Hardcover)

6. Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born [Paperback] Jamie Lee Curtis (Author), Laura Cornell (Illustrator)
I particularly like this ones since I bought it, it has a cute dog in the story and shows the excitement of ‘the call’.

Healing Eyes


Adoption Network

Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn’t grow under my heart – but in it

Healing Eyes


I got my first hand me down piece of baby furniture. It’s an odd feeling when I usually was the one looking in as others got their free baby stuff. Am I almost part of the ‘in’ crowd now?

The free baby bassinet is still sitting in the trunk of the Mazda. It’s like there is an invisible barrier holding it there. I mean it’s only a bassinet! Not everyone can understand my trepidation in bringing it into the house. It’s about a 10 foot walk from the door to the car and yet I know once I go and grab it I will feel like an imposter. Who is this crazy lady carrying a ‘baby’ item into the house. Where’s the Kid? should she be getting her hopes up like that? Get the call first and then start collecting the baby garb.

It really is a nice bassinet, once i get the guts to carry it in I know it will go nicely tucked away from sight until we get ‘the call’….

Healing Eyes