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Author Archives: Healing Eyes

The Dollars and $ense of Family Building

The second most popular question people ask is…
‘How much does it cost?’

Since I am now farther into the adoption process and have been learning as I go, I now like to answer that with a ‘Can you put a price on love’ ?
If you go to an agencies website they usually won’t list out the fees, typically you need to contact them and ask for information mailed to you or ask for a one-on-one meeting. Once you get the final numbers you basically go into shock and stare blindly into space while rocking back and forth. “They want how much to adopt?” “How is that possible?” and yet lots of families find the money and babies find forever homes, and we all live happily ever after.

If your looking to adopt there are resources (I’m told). My agency lists them all out online at http://www.adoptionassociates.net/resources/adoption_funding/
The federal tax credit is Awesome, as long as it keeps getting renewed by the president. Their is one Credit Union in the United states that does Adoption loans, as long as you have a religion. Contact your local banks and you may be able to qualify for a personal loan for a portion of it.

The #1 way to fund adoption:
SAVE the money and swallow your pride and ask family and friends for help. Make it very convenient for others to donate, we set up a website and have a thermometer to track our final Goal. our website

Links to more bloggers who talk about the Dollars and $ents of family building:

Healing Eyes

the longest wait of our lives

i have realized that waiting is harder than you can ever imagine. Waiting for a sure thing is something different than this, we are waiting for a ‘kinda sure thing’, the timeline is open for variation, the end result can come with ease or with lots of trials.
I saw a pregnant lady today at the video store and thought ah how lucky she is, then i saw her in her car lighting up a cigarette. My thought of her turned to anger as I couldn’t believe how little she cared for the life growing inside her.
Things like this can spiral your emotions in a instant to negative thoughts. what if our birthmother never shows up because we were too strict in our health choices, what if it takes years and years before the right birthmother chooses us that has not smoked or drank during her pregnancy.
If anyone has adopted that went thru this same anguish…..their has to be hope out there right?
It’s a long journey with lots of unknowns, little control over anything, and once again we are powerless in building a family.
All we can do is wait, save money, slowly bring the nursery together, and hope we meet an amazing birthmother that loves her child so much that she chose life and chose us to be the parents.

Healing Eyes


I love you hope….you will never be forgotten

Healing Eyes

Event on Saturday

A friend sent me this link…
Join Focus on the Family on May 21, 2011 at Resurrection Life Church. You’ll hear more about the kids who are waiting, the process of adoption from foster care and ways to support adoptive families.


Healing Eyes

Speedbump..What the Heck?

The alarm went off at 5:30am, as it started to sink in that I was going to ride my bike I started swearing profusely to myself. What was I thinking? How did I think this was a great idea yesterday? I laid back down, said some more bad words and then got up.
<b>I CAN DO IT!</b> It’s only 12 miles!

Brrrrr.. the cold air hit me, I turned back around since I forgot my Gloves! (thought about giving up but I CAN DO THIS)…

5 miles go by.. no problem, not many cars and and only one car came too close for comfort. 3 other bikers were out and one followed me quite a ways…Yes its the First day off Bike to work week and I’m not alone!

It’s about 35ish degrees out and there is literally frost on the front of my bike! My warm water is now Ice Water.
What idiot thought it would be a great idea to put a speed bump on the Thornapple Trail? Seriously? A SpeedBump?!!?! and even better didn’t mark it in bright yellow! I do not remember that being there last year.
Sadly I didn’t see my friend Charles this morning…Charles the Deer that is…I hope he made it thru the winter.  The bunnies were still hopping around, Fred and Phil.
I made it though! The pyramid looming in the horizon and the sun rising, too bad I have to work now:)

Committing to biking and then following thru is a lot like my life right now, I am committed to Adopting and no matter how hard it is or how much I swear…<b>I CAN DO IT!</b>

Healing Eyes

Caution..handle with care

Myth 1: the Birthmothers obviously doesn’t care about her child or she wouldn’t have given him away.
Myth 2: secrecy in every phase of the adoption process is necessary to protect all parties
Myth 3: both the Birthmothers and fathers will forget about their unwanted child
Myth 4: adopt and then you’ll get pregnant

Myth 1 FALSE. the Birthmothers wanted what she couldn’t provide at the time-love, care, and security from two parents in a normal home situation is just one example.

Myth 2 False. Openness in a adoption is both healthy and healing for everyone involved. It’s easy to just take the role of parent and forget the Birthmothers but lifting the secrecy and being open with your child is a very positive experience. Exchange of letters and photos thru ought the years is therapeutic and far different from previously popular closed adoptions.

Myth 3 False. They will never forget their child. They will always be a part of the child’s life and it shouldn’t be feared or denied. It was love that brought the baby to life and love will always be shared by everyone in the adoption triad.

Myth 4 False. The only reason why this myth continues on is because these are the only stories you hear about. No one likes to spread the stories about how someone adopted and then it didn’t happen, it doesn’t give that “miracle” effect.

If you adopt you have to do it for the right reasons and not what others say.

Let’s be honest…I used to think some myths were true.
To create change one first has to be open to learn.

For more insight check out thus book: (have tissues handy)
Dear Birthmothers by Kathleen silber & phylis speedlin

Healing Eyes

Stamp of approval.. certified Awesome?

The question I get a lot is ‘where are you in the process’.

Good thing I kept a personal blog back when we started all of this, so now I have a real date to put to the journey, it was November 6, 2010 when we decided to look for an agency and get our feet wet in adoption. There wasn’t a Big Sign or an Epiphany that said ‘let’s adopt’…that took years of back and forth decision making and working thru what we thought a family was.

Then came the home study. Which IS as nerve racking as most people make it out to be. Several meetings followed where you marriage, home, extended family, childhood, education are all scrutinized. Letters of recommendation are provided from friends, family, employers (yes my wonderful supervisor even had to say I was certifiable). To anyone looking for marriage counseling, try a home study, it’s quite therapeutic and eye opening, it’s like falling in love with your husband all over again.

On February 4, 2011 we got the true STAMP OF APPROVAL from the State of Michigan when the final background check cleared (which took longer than usual because someone in Michigan thought it was OK to take a vacation on our paperwork). The email from my caseworker even said ‘certified’. That’s awesome!

……….and now I literally have a 10-15 page document with signatures on it that tells the story of who we are, what’s going on in our heads, and why the agency says we could be good parents.

3 months and 7 days later we wait for ‘the call’ cue dramatic music

Healing Eyes

People ask what?

The number 1 question everyone asks me is
How long of a wait is it?

On average thru Adoption Associates its a 12-18 month wait for domestic adoption.
A lot of factors can effect this wait time. Such as, a birth mother picks you right away and all of a sudden you are scrambling to get ready. Or you can wait past 18 months and begin to get discouraged since it seems no one likes your profile. These are two extremes but we hope we will fall nicely in the middle and wait just long enough to raise the money, go thru the psychological preparations for a child, and then get ‘the call’.

As for International adoption I know China can take past 5 years for a healthy child, however, if you are open to Special Needs/minor medical conditions, then the wait is much faster. Their is a great need for families open to take on this responsibility. A great resource for International adoption is Holt International. http://www.holtinternational.org/hifamilies/
They have great Webinairs you can sit in on to learn the basics. I believe D.A. Blodgett works with them.

Healing Eyes


Our family’s like a patchwork quilt,
With kindness gently sewn.
Each piece is an original,
With beauty of its own.
With threads of warmth and happiness,
It’s tightly stitched together.
To last in love throughout the years,
Our family is forever.

Author unknown

Healing Eyes

Mother’s Day is fast approaching.. mixed feelings

For many people mother’s day is a day to look forward to. For others it is a mixed blessing holiday. On one side you love your own mother and want to celebrate but on the flip side its a reminder of what isn’t in your life. For some it even reminds you of a lost child. On mother’s day this year I am going to take a moment of silence to remember a life lost but not forgotten.

Here’s an interesting story I found while checking my newsfeed on Facebook last night.


“Adoptive Families, the award-winning national adoption magazine, is the leading adoption information source for families before, during, and after adoption.”

Healing Eyes