• sarah@healingeyes.org

cancer

Hope and Joy

….perhaps I need to make a sign that says Pain and Suffering.

Beauty and pride….Plain and humble

….perhaps I need to learn the lessen of … KNOW IDEA.

Progress in Africa is slow but really encouraging because they are doing the work and I am not. They have the tools to clean wounds and a car to travel to the village. Maybe that is what God wants right now while Sarah heals from cancer. It just seems too darn ironic that I would get cancer when that was what started this non-profit.

Patience and pain go hand and hand. This is a blog and a business but I have to share last night I was in incredible pain all night and found no comfort until I took a few more pills. Yet we are told to pray to God for peace and relief. Where was he last night? Watching and letting me experience suffering because that is just what I have to do right now.

Right now my new husband of 5 weeks must sit back and helplessly watch me cry in pain with no power at all to fix it. What an intense stress to put on a new marriage but we are relying on God in the middle of it. He is the only one that can see past all this Pain to where the healing lies.

Healing Eyes….Letting go of the pain and seeing past it in order to allow the Healing to begin or in my case continue. So I have to put my words where my mouth is, or do as I say and not say as I do? Seeing past beauty of what I was to the beauty that is ahead and the future of the mission in Africa where when I go back I can connect more with those in physical pain. I have known the emotional side but now I will have learned another lessen of pain….both are awful and I feel such sympathy for anyone going through cancer and grief.

Let go….and find yourself.

See past the pain…is my Hope and Joy

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Healing Eyes

pain revealed

We never post the sad photos on Facebook…. Only the happy ones because seeing pain hurts.

Cancer kicked off this non profit and cancer is refreshing the pain behind it. Yet compassion is the real Heart behind it all.

I am experiencing the other side of cancer as the patient. I now feel the sadness that my first husband felt as he took pain killers to numb the physical pain. He disappeared while he was alive and hid his grieving from me until he could no more. His story was different than mine, my cancer was caught early and didn’t spread to the other organs. What scares me is the pain is similar…. Did I show him enough Grace during it all?

Compassion for those we see suffering. Even in a world where social media hides the real images of life. The real view of living is through tear strained eyes with moments of laughter. Choosing to let joy overcome the sadness.

Yea ok I lost a part of me and now I lay on my back for hours in pain but other people I know also are losing more. Losing a chance to learn that people do care and that human nature doesn’t have to stay evil from birth. To teach a child as they grow about the basics of morals and helping others.

Be the salt of the earth! Make a difference, stand out.

Show real photos of life and let others see what is hiding behind a veil of smiles.

We still have many kids who want to learn. One is deaf and we are looking for $35 a month for a year to keep him in school.

Charles my new deaf boy who I need support to place him a nearby school for the deaf in June. If you have a heart for the deaf please visit our Donate page.

Charles my new deaf boy who I need support to place him a nearby school for the deaf in June. If you have a heart for the deaf please visit our Donate page.

Another child is so smart with much potential but has no one to support him. $35 a month for a year can touch his life.

Simon Pushing the wheel barrel

Simon Pushing the wheel barrel

All the monthly donations go towards keeping the 32 kids school fees paid, feeding 32 of them, development for the new land, medicine, hiv testing…. And supporting those who keep this mission alive.

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Thank you

Sarah…. Founder

Healing Eyes

What to do with this all?

Reality sets in that this is for real and the finality of it all is a heavy burden. This blog has come a long way since I started it for when my first husband and I wanted to adopt. Then it shifted to Cancer. Then it shifted to Grief. Then it shifted to a Non-Profit to help others. Now I don’t know what to make of it because I can’t quite shift it back to cancer and grief! That wouldn’t be very professional since it a website to learn about the work we are doing in Eastern Uganda.

Healing Eyes is about helping those in pain see past their pain and once they do their eyes will open and the healing can begin. It’s the meaning behind the name! We are working with a village in Uganda to set up a small school and clinic to help widows and orphans in a community. 200+ kids need help….

Now we have run into a little bump along the road and gives us a left turn back to cancer. Why? It makes no sense and yet I have to try and spin it in a positive faith based fuzzy happy feeling in order to cope. God can use all of this for his good. Ok…..why does it hurt so much to admit now I have cancer and I will never have a child of my own.

Yes, I have 200+ kids in Africa. Yes I can have surgery to remove the tumor. Yes its curable. Ok….but that’s all Science and logic speaking. Our hearts don’t work that way. The heart feels innumerable amounts of pain when diagnosed with a terrible disease like cancer. Put any words around it you like and its still Cancer.

So everyone from the first days of this blog that watched it start with hope to be dashed by death and then to be reborn again. I don’t know what to say other than its an eventful journey at least and you’ll never know what happens next.

Healing Eyes is not ending but will somehow turn all this around to show God’s handiwork and somehow see past the pain for healing to begin.

Healing Eyes

Hello Cancer…Here we go again

Suffering opens doors and answers prayers for expanding our network of people to share Healing Eyes ministry with. In life we are faced with challenges that come unexpectedly and I believe it’s these trials that amplify our weaknesses and allow God to further his agenda…when we let him. As with the founding of Healing Eyes name, looking past the pain in our lives to let the healing begin, we are faced with another challenge that will truly show God’s hand at work. Sarah (I) am facing an impactful new journey that I NEVER saw coming. Over 2 years ago I watched my husband go through cancer and eventually pass away. It was my hope that the awful ‘C’ word would be gone from my life, however, God has a different plan in mind. Cancer is back and this time it’s attacking my body.

Should I be scared? Yes the world tells me I should be. No God says Stop that.

Should I give up and concentrate on myself? Yes the world tells me I should. God says child I have you covered.

Should I question God about allowing this to happen? Sure why can’t I! God wants to hear me complain.

But…the deeper question is what NEW Opportunities is this part of the story going to open up. Its rather exciting to imagine what can happen next. By living day by day I never know what tomorrow brings and as I journey farther down cancer and experience it as the patient this time I know I’ll gain a new perspective on suffering . Just as the man ‘Job’ went through great suffering in his life I embrace the amazement that God thinks I am strong enough to take on this challenge. I mean WOW, God thinks I am actually strong enough to face this challenge and not lose faith and even continue helping my orphans and widows in Africa. When it seems to be too much for one person I know I am on the right track.

So I say, Bring it on Devil, Bring it on Cancer, Bring the suffering on and we will show you what God is made of! Healing Eyes ministry is going to grow this year in ways never imagined, we are going to IMPACT lives and heal hearts in ways God only can. I am not trying to play a Christian optimistic spin on all this but truly I am just in awe of what God can do when I pray for him to EXPAND my territory. How he chose to do that is a bit alarming but HEY who am I to question his methods. Pain really is the most POWERFUL tool to wake people up and see through Healing Eyes! Stop judging each other, stop living up to certain criteria of others, but LIVE…TRULY LIVE FOR TODAY and take each PAIN filled breathe to step out on faith and watch God work in your life today.

We need you to help our kids in eastern Uganda and We need you to understand the vision before us. It’s not through just one that we will move mountains…it takes each of us one-by-one saying Yes and joining us today. We invite you to reach out to  us and learn more in person or over the phone or even email.

Because I am just DYING to share the good news and overwhelming story happening in my life today and the need of orphans and widows dying for you to know them.

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Healing Eyes

Sometimes photos are enough

 

 

 

 

 

Healing Eyes

Abundance with little

I am truly blessed! Living an abundant life of simplicity. I just finished a delicious dinner of chicken and mac & cheese with a corn on the cob, I totally splurged! After a few hours at the Boys and Girls Club I needed it though. Today I was with 7th and 8th graders trying to teach them about computers for the Digital Literacy Program. Exhausting and rewarding. At one point while on my knees talking to one of the boys and going through his answers on the computer. The talk turned from computers to a pep talk about believing in himself. He kept saying ‘I’m dumb, I am stupid’. I told him if he keeps saying that it will become true and he needs to say ‘I am smart’ over and over again.  He basically was a disruption the entire time by goofing off but I am not giving up on him yet.

Before class started I pulled my ukulele out. I debated heavily on if I should bring it or not but I gave into my potential embarrassment and brought it anyways. A little girl was playing outside by herself and so I asked God that if he wanted me to show it to her that he make the first move. Soooo he did… the girl came over to me and asked me if she could play on the computers and I said no.. but I have something cool to show you. It turned out her dad has musical tendency and she likes the guitar so I showed her some chords on the uke and she was doing C and A chords in no time. Then other girls started to show up and I taught them a bit while talking about life and how my husband died and that I don’t have kids (yes the girls started that conversation with their questions).


 

This week I chose to start reprogramming how I think. When I start to feel insecure I remember this:

“Now you are my friend, since I have told you everything the Father told me.  You didn’t choose me, I chose you.”
John 15:15-16

When I start to doubt and think what I am doing is crazy I remember this:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. Prov 3:5-8

And when I am clouded by my own problems and end up blind to what’s around me, I think of this:

Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you.  Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that is where the action is.  See things from His perspective. Col 3:2 

Enough Scripture talk! I have ran 3 times this week and I got free French Toast twice! What more do I need?! Free breakfast, good conversation, and exercise to clear my thoughts.

Healing Eyes

Heart of Stone

Heart of Stone.

Healing Eyes

Sick but not beaten

Yesterday I attended an all Black church downtown with my two friends. It was a rememberable time, more so because of the sermon. The music was a bit repetitive but it was loud and full of life which was a nice change.
The sermon was about giving up everything if God commands it. Letting go of precious belongings, enjoyable past times, and acting instead of just listening.

A commitment to Christ is proven during crisis. How we act under pressure speaks to our faith in the unseeable.

Ugh..am I living that life! Faith that I’ll be taken care of. Faith that giving up my material items will produce more than I can imagine. I miss biking and kayaking…I miss my job. I loved my job but it was something I had to let go of. I want to see what will happen and where I’ll be led to next. It’s kinda exciting not knowing what to expect each day.

Andy is gone and I mourn.
The puppies are not in my care and I weep for there companionship.
My house is gone and I miss the memories long gone.
My bike is far from me and I miss those long miles on straight trails.
My career is upside down and I miss the challenge it brought.
My body is weak from being sick since yesterday but it’s only temporary. A reminder that these bodies are temporary. We walk a cursed earth and we look around to acquire wealth and prosperity and a part of our souls are always longing for more.
In the end we die with nothing…Solomon wrote: everything is meaningless under the sun…what was done was done before.

Maybe we are in a constant loop of repetitiveness. There will always be poor and sick to care for. Enjoy food and wine. Love everyone and care for one another. Survive this earth until the true living begins.
Preparation for eternity … The gifts acquired here should come with us..and they aren’t stuff bought at a store.
Gift of compassion
Gift of love
Gift of serving
Gifts of suffering
Gifts of a child’s innocence..that perhaps can awaken in us what was long suppressed…eyes for the beauty all around and taking time to see, truly see!

I tried the giving in the offering plate at church. My last $5 dollar bill in my wallet. Had to walk all the way to the front of the church, in front of strangers to give it. The sermon also talked of the 2 widows in the bible. God provided for them at there darkest moments and they had faith. So the last time I gave I got care packages from a long lost friend in Michigan.
This time, last night, I got my favorite dinner from a new friend !! Chicken, potatoes and green beans!!! I love trusting.

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Healing Eyes

Blessings and goodbyes

Today was it. The last day with my job in Michigan. I’m a bit stunned still but after tonight it’s gonna be ok. I’ve gone all in and am now unemployed but with a purpose. To serve kids and find myself in the process. I’ve been given the gift of time and I need to embrace it.

After I said my last good bye than my night began. My friend came over to work on vbs for next week. We ended up making too many little booklets since my math appears to still suck.
Then I walked back with her to her home and pet my new puppy friend on the way.
I haven’t been eating too well since I don’t cook and I am trying to save money by eating cheap. But I got to eat my first goat meat! Yup a little goat! Tasted like meat lol.
Had some plantain too and passion fruit! Then left with a blender and two bottles of fresh passion fruit!
What a great gift from God. He said go to the island. So I listened. He said stay on the island I am trying to listen. He said let go of the job that you love and submit. I finally agreed. Result is I got a home cooked meal and great company.
Little by little I’m shedding my grief and finding that Sarah beneath.
Little by little I give in to that voice and a blessing appears.
Little by little my faith grows and I feel safer.

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Healing Eyes

Perseverance

In an effort to learn the island and try and fit in as best as I can with islanders I had my friend Stephan take me around on the West side. Being that he is ex-marine and has a reputation on the street it was a fun day. I saw some other sides of my friend that you never would guess existed if you just looked at his appearance. One being that he loves espresso and he can get one for free by flirting with the espresso maker. Let’s just say the espresso maker was not a girl and that Stephan can really blend in with any crowd. Regretfully I did not capture much of these moments with my camera since I wanted to kinda not look like a tourist. Although wearing bright pink and short shorts kinda makes me stick out next to a black dude.

I started my day not knowing what to do and also feeling very sorry for myself. Another night missing Andy and crying, I’m not sure what is up with this week but the wound seems wide open again.

When I first came to the island I met Stephan at the lighthouse and for some reason God was saying that he was to be my guide if I were to come back. I don’t know what for exactly but as I talked more with Stephan today I learned he has an interesting skill. He was trained to gather information on areas before troops were sent in. So this means he automatically will scope out an area and figure out where is the bad spots and what are safe. If somehow he can teach me how to do that, who knows what God will use that for, wherever I land after this island.

I am being trained for something. For now I am supposed to write and share my story. Figure out how to not let grief consume me and figure out how to get Sarah back.

Andy would be proud of me today. I jumped off the pier with some others encouragement. That was fun! I may stick out like a sore thumb but for some reason it doesn’t really feel all that awkward being so different here. All the others on the pier counted down for me to jump..1..2..3..Go! Oh who am I? I do not recognize this person in front of the mirror. Faintly she reminds me of college Sarah, fearless and curious.

Good news! I had my poo tested and I have no parasites! Yay! Ok yea gross…but I guess that’s needed for a health card, which I need to get tomorrow as well as my police record. Thank God I had someone with me when I went to the police station today to fill the paperwork out. Tomorrow I drive all the way back to the West side to get my report and hopefully there is not blemishes on it, haha.


 

“Pain is weakness leaving the body” –Stephan

 

Romans 5:3-5

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope.

Healing Eyes