• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: bike

No bike for you

For some reason I’m missing Michigan so much tonight. Perhaps it’s missing Andy. This wound won’t scab over. It seems to keep breaking open over and over this week. I can’t seem to shake the feeling of aloneness.
I am in my room by the sea and tomorrow the only friends near me are moving away for a month.
Another friend is leaving island completely and The pastor’s wife is gone for undetermined amount of time.
It seems God is isolating me for some part of his plan.

I almost bought a plane ticket to Michigan a minute ago but I stopped and prayed. I flipped my bible open and it landed on:

Psalm 78:36-38 KJV
[36] Nevertheless they did flatter him with their mouth, and they lied unto him with their tongues. [37] For their heart was not right with him, neither were they stedfast in his covenant.

The footnote explained this to mean again and again the people of Israel said they would do something but there heart wouldn’t do the same. God was patient even though they kept going back on there word. So I’m on st croix and I said I would but my heart has to be also. I can’t let Michigan keep pulling my heart back. As much as I miss Andy. There is a bike ride Saturday back home for cancer. I rode it last year for Andy while he was alive and I thought I could just fly back and ride it. I almost bought the ticket. Alas my life is not my own and God says no. I have to let Andy go this time. I want to ride for Andy and relive that memory but I don’t think God wants me to.

Instead…solitude and writing are my assignment. I must write. God commands and I must listen. It really sucks when you can’t have what you want.

Another night crying myself to sleep. Grief sucks!!!!

Healing Eyes