• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: chemotherapy

Pieces of a dream lost


August 2012 our life changed forever. September 2012 we put adoption on hold for what might be infinitely. November 26, 2012 Andy lost his stomach and our life changed forever. January 2013 chemotherapy started again and won’t end until march 2013. Today we are in pieces.. Our hearts are bruised.. Our dreams fading.. Cancer survivors in the world you went thru a similar journey.. You woke up one day and screamed in horror as the diagnosis was read. You live each day of treatment feeling no end in sight. You heard others give there empty encouragement as most people don’t know what the pain is like. You know what I know, that every day is a surprise. I only am a caregiver.. I look silently from the sidelines while Andy struggles to move, to breathe, to smile. I only know the emotional pain.. Bring torn to pieces rip by rip. There is no happy without agony. There are no words that can fix… Which makes this blog pointless.

Healing Eyes

Chemo bald




Round 2 chemotherapy. Getting ready for Thursday fallout of hair. Last time it fell out was after the 2nd chemo day so we r ready this time.

Healing Eyes

Post E.R. update

What’s there to say for an update….I am clueless.. Nothing much happens when you are on Chemo.

Andy got home from the ER the same night and we got his nausea under control, his pain under control, and we went to bed.

Next morning we woke up and Andy felt icky again (not as severe). This round of chemo is far far far worse than prior to surgery.
Why you may ask? “I don’t really know.” “Perhaps because he has no stomach?” … “maybe….”

All I know is that its a lonely path for a caregiver. He hurts and I hurt, he sleeps and I sleep, he wakes and I wake…you get the picture.

My Andy is in what I like to call ‘in-between’ life. He is not living and he is not dying, he is ‘in-betweening’. But he’ll come back, it just takes time and rest, and a whole lot of medications.



Healing Eyes

Round 2 ‘i think’

What’s the story dude!

Well yesterday we met with the Oncologist (who i just noticed is pregnant so thats delightful to have to see while going over the misery to come with chemo). I think Karma has a big bullseye on our foreheads and is just throwing everything all at once at it to see how much you can break a person.

We talked about the chemo plan, which really means we just stared at each other and said, ‘yup andy feels like poo still, yup he still isn’t holding his weight, and oh yea yup he has to do the same chemo regiment as prior to surgery’.  The only thing different is we are trying for the chemo pill so that he doesn’t have to be reunited with Philipé the pump again…mixed feelings on that one since we know what the side effects are like on that, we dont know what the pill will do to him.

We now wait for nurse Katie to call us and set up the game plan which most likely will start next week thursday. The sooner the better we say! Let’s get this shit over with and then get Andy back to work before he goes crazy from watching the Maury show.

None of this means we will ever be rid of cancer or live happily ever after. Lets get chemo done and then get on with the 3 month checkups for any reoccurrence of cancer somewhere else…then I guess we will go from there. YES ever the optimistic I am!

Healing Eyes