• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: doubt

Now what do I do … Island to Deep freeze

There is doubt in decisions made by anyone. It is natural to do One thing and then Doubt it was the correct one. Maybe life is made up of those decisions and doubts but maybe there is always that lingering One true truth. That one thing that as much as we want it to not be the right decision because of the outright impossibility of it actually coming true. So we put up stable walls and security around us to live each day safely but at the same time limit ourselves from living largely. How can we live abundantly but also safely? It’s not possible because no matter what fate can tear those walls down and leave you far from safe and far from a feeling of stability.

What can I do? I am building up some security and stability in order to be in a place that can hopefully raise funds to do what Healing Eyes wants to do in Africa. At the same time it’s going to be a temptation to stay where its clean, safe, convenient, and you can have electricity 24 hours a day with a simple flip of the switch. When the power goes out here you know it will come back on soon but in other areas of the world it can be days.

This blog has been a journey from a personal story to adopt domestically…to cancer…to missionary..and now it’s Healing Eyes. A Non-Profit raising money to bring compassion and empathy back to the children of Africa, to help neglected and impoverished children by not just helping but building relationships and teaching what love is by DOING it. How can I keep sight on that while living in a place completely opposite to the living conditions there? How can I share with others what it’s like there to gain supporters to join? I guess I can’t. But maybe my invisible friend has some sneaky plan to show me how small I really am in this plan.

Rough plan for the next 6 months:

  • Raise money to fund another trip to Africa.
  • Build up the compassion and relationship fund.
  • Meet with the new CPA.
  • Sponsor education for a handful of kids in Africa.
Healing Eyes

Heart strings pulled

I’m on my way to see my dogs after 5 months apart. The second hardest thing to do after Andy died. I fear seeing them will break my heart again. But I miss them…they remind me of Andy and I need that. I need a piece of Andy back.
It’s a 2 week break before any after school program starts back up on the island. What if this is the time to go back to what I left behind and start over again.
Give up the island story and go back stateside.
My heart feels some peace in the states. Would I be giving up if I returned? Can two dogs be the straw that breaks my journey…

Am I not human to have doubts?!
Doubting my decisions. Second guessing every action I take.
Andy knew me well..he knew I regretted choices I made.

To hold my dogs for 2 days and say goodbye again. For how long this time do I go? Will my dogs understand me going away again?

I need prayer to know if I am to continue on. To give the island more time. To let my dogs down again.
I don’t have it all figured out … I am a wanderer looking for answers amidst grief.

Healing Eyes