• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: fear

Street performering in Africa

Sick again this morning on day whatever in Africa. My stomach feels twisted and angry this morning. I am starting to think it correlates with the days I go to Mugomari school (the evil feeling one). Once on the way there my stomach calms and I pray for strength to not fall off the motorbike this morning on the dirt roads. These roads are indescribably rough. The closer to the school (about 30 min ride) the kids start appearing on the road from nearby schools. They light up and cheer me on. So that helps. 

Once my foot steps onto the school grounds behind the iron gate I instantly feel like bolting. No one greets me and I walk across the long lawn to the staff room. I smile and shake hands and then start to figure how do I get into the classrooms. If I don’t work fast I’ll be stuck in a chair staring at the walls. Soooo with my trusted ukulele in hand I leave and head to a classroom. I end up with some kids and sing for them and they laugh at me while I try to dance. It’s funny to see a white girl dance. So this is good…I am not letting the darkness keep me down. 


I try to get some students to teach graphic design too and only can get 4 kids brave enough to try. It was not a success. There isn’t much need for me at this school at least structurally. The staff don’t know how to interact and the kids are usually in a lesson so the need for a tutor is pointless. But personally these kids need attention and some joy in there life. 

I again ended up walking over to the primary school where it is brighter. I see kids in the distance in some sort of orientation or presentation. So I walk across the field, alone, to some kids and ask how they are. That’s all it takes here and I have a huge gathering. Soon I am ushered to another area where a speaker is talking, it turns out to be an assembly for exam results with 7 local schools. I sit down with the kids and listen. 

Then…the speaker calls me up!! I end up hanging out awards and congratulating kids who are top of the classes. 

The land is split by a bar wire fence and its night and day between the two schools. But I survived and I think I made some smiles along the way. 

Oh the best part was waiting outside the gate for my ride. Some village kids saw me and so I pull my ukulele out and start playing for them. Got them singing Somewhere over the rainbow. The adults on the street laughed at me but its ok…I just own my oddness at this point. Is it that odd to see a sole mazungoo on a back road in Africa in front of a school just start singing with kids? Maybe but I like to think it wasn’t me but someone else (God) who gave me the courage to street perform. 

Healing Eyes

Piki piki

Hello all from Africa….still !
It has been a trying few days of patience opportunities and lack of freedom I am accustomed to in caring for myself back home. Thankfully I think things are smoothing out as my tutor companion who is 21 is playing the role of daughter to our host and I get the freedom I am used to (to a point). 

Today I took a piki to kwirini school. I was driven by car to a gas station where we negotiated a price for a piki piki and then I was solo for the day. Hallelujah! Piki piki is the way to travel. At the school I sat in a class in history and the teacher disappeared and I was invited by the kids to teach english. No text books by the way. Soooo I pulled out my book called Wind in the willows and made up a lesson on English literature. The kids read out loud and I explained words. One boy named Alvin was quite a comedian. Then I shocked them by insisting they right a short story of there own and be creative. They just need to use 3 of the new words and the characters are a mongoose and a hen. They aren’t used to a mazungoo giving assignment. I prefer to challenge them instead of just entertain them. 

Then at lunch time I snuck in to a secret spot some Girls go for lunch and shared my lunch. Soon the new piki piki driver arrived and the kids laughed at me on a motor bike. I’ll say this driver was far faster than the other and I feared a little bit as we went down the mountain. 

As we drove I realized something. I am most content and at peace when I am alone and fending for myself. Thrown into a classroom to perform while little brown eyes stare at me for direction. That is my element… That’s where God is leading me. The country is beautiful and the roads are awful but if I am are free i can finally see little waterfalls cascading down the sides of the road…and little kids screaming mazungoo as I pass by on a motor bike. 

Health wise my works are getting slowly better. I’ll be on meds for a month. My lungs r a but icky so prayer they don’t worsen would be good. But I am well and still alive!

Have a blessed day! 

Healing Eyes

Can fear drive faith?

I would like everyone to take a moment of silence and see life through a different lens for 5 minutes. If you were told to just blindly trust something you can’t see in hopes that you would still eat and have shelter but you didn’t know how, would you feel comfortable doing that? Would it be easy to just say ‘ok’ and have no anxiety or fear about it? What if you had under two months to get a large sum of money together in order to spend time with orphans suffering in a far off land? But you believed it was possible and knew up until the final hour you would be provided for….(periodically you would freak out and run but generally speaking you would hold steady).

Today I just saw it come true…the promise was kept…and I have nothing to worry about in regards to finances for this mission because the Post Carrier just dropped off the final miracle on my final day to get the money all together. I drove to one church and found a check placed under a rock and then I came home and saw the postal carrier depositing the other check in my mailbox earlier than expected. So YES, I now truly have the entire funds needed and promised to me back when I decided to Believe it’s possible and Asked for help from others.

A friend asked me today, “Wouldn’t it seem like it should get easier the more you go?” “Yet it seems it only gets bigger and scarier the more you decide to follow”. Why is that?

I might be wrong but I think it is because…

If we don’t fear relinquishing control how can we grow perseverance.
If we never fear than wouldn’t it be too easy to give things up for God. And then how would we grow in trust?
If we are supposed to turn over anxiety and fear to God then how can we if we don’t have it to begin with?
If it gets easier the more we trust than how can we learn from suffering, if we never feel it because we numbly go along trusting God because we know he knows best. But then later we can reflect and learn and grow from knowing why we were afraid at the time but that then allows us to connect with each other in the common fear of fear.
Those who don’t believe in Gods love will think us dumb sheep who do what the master says to do and hence think we are stupid. When they are hurting and think they must be alone since Christians make it look so fake and unreal because they think we are without worry and real fear.
Even if we do as the ‘boss’ says to do but show our weakness of fear than we are in effect showing to others we are too weak and can’t do it alone. But since we show it we than prove Gods message to rely on him even when we are weak and scared. Be scared but still go!! Because that’s how he proves the plan all along.
If I ever lose fear and tears when going I might start to think I’m in control and don’t need God because it’s no big deal each time I go.
Kind of like a catch 22! Give fear over but still requires to show it?
Healing Eyes

The mind can be a prison to our thoughts

I feel trapped …

between my way of control and my invisible friend’s version of life.

I feel trapped between the world’s way of living and my invisible friend’s way of living in the world.

I feel trapped by my willingness to go and the uncertainty placed before me of ‘norms’ of this life.

Fear of putting too much of what I have to live on into an unthinkable direction in life. In the ‘Widow’s Offering‘ it doesn’t mention the fear she must have felt as she put the last very small copper coins into the offering. Will I resort to that? Will my days dwindle down to the last 2 pennies I have left from Andy be put towards living beyond what we comprehend as ‘Ok standard of living’…

I came to this island to heal a year ago..I met many different people. Learned I could love again. Learned to love me as Sarah only. Found meaning in life again…had many adventures. Now my next adventure begins and I must give up things, people, and safety to travel far and see the worst mankind has to offer. Send a widow to the wolves more prepared for trials to build a life once shattered by loss. “Sing barren Woman! More are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband.”

Fundraising Goal for Kenya Tutoring and Exploratory Mission Trip..only $377 to go by May 19!!!

The goal of this upcoming trip is to Tutor orphans but also seek out where I will land next…is it the land this other organization had donated to them by the government? Is that where the Home for Neglected kids is to be built? Is this another step closer to serving long term in Africa? Who knows…BUT it’s a step to take!!!

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Healing Eyes