• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: gastric bypass

Don’t feel what others say you should

The problem with public blogs is that once you share it you can’t unshare it. So that means you start to censor yourself to protect those reading. It’s hard when you want to be brutally honest and reach out to other cancer survivors that you know need that reassurance and feeling of not being alone. You aren’t alone!! What you feel is normal and far too raw to ever put into words for others to understand. Don’t feel bad when others just don’t get it or don’t know how to react to your anxiety, stress, silence, isolation, I could go on and on.

It’s interesting ..doctors don’t say “cured” anymore. Gives a false sense of comfort I guess.
No sign of disease, no detectable disease…what the hell does that do for our state of mind.

Wait another 4 months and do more scans ..

Ok…so that means we will try to enjoy summer and not think about that scan. Oh wait, no we also have to figure out how to fricken eat again. Since chemo andy is struggling to get his calories in. Figuring out the balance of portion and type of food. Oh and also let’s try and maintain that we are surviving and functioning in public while hoping this nightmare ends. Oh and the poor pups, they only feel the pain 24 hrs a day, they are gaining weight and becoming so depressed. My little yoshi is a pain sponge, he is taking it so hard.

Up side we are at home and not in the hospital yet…maybe this weekend we will sleep all day and night and forget for a moment the unspoken and unwanted guest that won’t ever leave.

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Healing Eyes

Lay down for this

Update on andy….he’s spunky and then he’s tired. But good news and progress is he has for the first time since the total gastric bypass surgery in November 2012 slept the majority of the night laying flat! Flat on his back without the big pillow behind him to prop himself up! Yes this is good news finally!!
Of course who knows if we can repeat it every night but one night is a start at least.

Now to just conquer the nauseau, dizziness, cracking feet and hands, drowsiness, and overall side effects from fricken chemotherapy!

Healing Eyes

Try less

“Some days it’s not worth chewing thru the restraints”

My favorite sign read that today. On a day where it does feel pointless to fight the inevitable.
Andy started new pain meds the other day.
I wonder how many other 33 year olds there are out there with cancer .. And out of those which have lost there stomach .. And out of those had lymph nodes infected .. And out of those live in Michigan .. And out of those are married .. And out of those are childless .. And out of those have a wife that loves them.

Infinite what ifs…

Some days, hours, and minutes of the day it’s not worth chewing thru our restraints.

Tomorrow we travel to Ohio. A road trip before chemo next week. My expectations are low as to not expect too much from the trip. Never expect a lot that way you can always be pleasantly surprised..ha.

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ER room

After an enjoyable morning with a friend I come back home to find andy in the same spot bent over in pain still. He can’t eat or drink from his chemo on Thursday.
He is getting worse…
So this leads us to a drive to the emergency room. On the drive over Andy is trying to vomit but he can’t because cancer took his fucking stomach out.
So just coughing and gagging. I try hard not to cry or scream while driving.

We arrive… We immediately are rushed to a room because of his condition and that he has no immune system from chemotherapy.

Now we wait after they gave him an iv (thru his handy dandy port) with pain and nausea meds. This knocks him out.
Great for him but I still have to wait.
So sleepy and getting hungry since I have now missed dinner. But I can’t complain because Andy hasn’t eaten either and he has no stomach… So… My issued are minimal in comparison.
This is just the beginning of round 2 so it won’t get better, this is our normal. Hospitals and doctors and nurses all asking the same thing over and over.

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