• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: health

All Moved In

After a week I am now in my new apartment. It was quite an accomplishment! 10pm Uganda time we moved in under the veil of darkness – and it wasn’t easy. Unfortunately, the bed wasn’t complete yet, so some guys were sawing and hammering for an hour… Everything is slow here!
My mosquito net is the wrong size (too small) so I am now half under it with pillows holding it down, and the varnish on the bed frame is giving me a headache. However, I am happy to say I have a lot of steel between me and the outside, as well as, steel padlocks on my steel doors and I am bolted in snug as a bug in jail. I have many many keys and feel like I am in Alcatraz prison.
My shower was nice even though the design is quite bizarre:)

Today in the village we looked for land and had some good luck..
I also found one of my kids was sick so since I have a car still we took her right to the clinic immediately! Had I not had the car she wouldn’t have made it to the clinic because it is too far. We found out she has malaria. So she now has medicine and I pray she heals quickly. It’s so amazing how in America such a thing as this trip to a clinic is taken for granted. Here the distance and cost for transport prevents many from getting to a clinic. If God hadn’t put Healing Eyes in touch with this village than each child we help wouldn’t know compassion.
This makes me smile and justifies the insane heat, lonely nights, steel cage, and absence of meals.

Goodnight to all and remember today as you rest your head on your pillow that a little girl is in a grass hut feeling a bit better knowing God is caring for her thru our prayers and Action taken to be here in Africa

Sarah

nikki

All is well

Do we all seek a new start to life? Just as the day rises each day to bring a new day, we must also think of it as a chance for a new life. Each new day is a chance to try again, to fight again, to endure, and to make a difference. From the smalls to the bigs…size doesn’t matter as long as you are seeking. With Andy dying I have been looking at it all wrong. I am consumed by grief and sadness and reliving of each moment before and as he died. Revisiting that hospital in my mind and going thru the corridors of pain and regret. This cycle is slowly killing my heart and bringing me down.

This morning I flipped open my bible to Philippians 3:12 and it said:

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take HOLD of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”

My goal is set and I can’t let anything take my eyes off that. I have to strive on even if it seems IMPOSSIBLE. Just like cancer can seem to be impossible sometimes during all those endless chemo treatments. Endless days and nights watching your loved one wither before you. The person you once knew disappears and is replaced by a person in pain. A person fighting for life with each breath and step throughout the day. Never give up hope.

1 Corinthians 13:10-12

“but when completeness comes, what is in the past disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child…For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully even as I am fully known.”

1 Timothy 6:12

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses”


 

I made the choice when I sold my stuff and let my dogs go to another family. I made the decision when I told my bosses I had to go and I didn’t know what the reason was other than a voice said “Go”. Being passive is not in my blood, I don’t want to just sit back while others do things for a bigger purpose. I want to actively participate and make clarity out of all that pain and grief. I will tell my heart to beat again, I will not sit back and let life pass me by. Just as I am competitive and biking and kayaking, I push my body to the limits to bike faster and run raster…so shall I push my heart to feel more, to hurt more, and to endure more trials. This is the beginning of a new day. This is a beginning of a new chapter. This is my New Start to a new life just as Paul referred to Saul starting his new journey once his eyes were opened and the scales fell from his eyes.

I was blind but now I see!

I was in a pit of grief but now I see a light!

I saw death, I held death, I had great loss but now it’s time to step out and continue what I started.

Listen to me for a I tell you the truth. Even in your pain I am with you and will never leave you.
Enjoy this day for tomorrow your job starts.

Can you trust me?

“death has died and All is Well”

Healing Eyes

Working with kids can help mend old wounds.

Andy and I struggled to have kids of our own for several years… dare I say our entire marriage was shadowed by never being able to. I think looking back it might have slowly eroded that child like self in each of us. We had lots of fun together but we desperately wanted to share our love with another mini version of us. When that couldn’t happen we thought treatments could solve the problem. When that didn’t work we turned to adoption. But as our story unfolded that wasn’t to be either. The main thing I am starting to realize is that over the many years I hardened my heart to being around kids…it was such a huge part of Andy’s and mine dream that never came true that we buried the pain over the years. Better to avoid the pain and find other fun things to do or buy. It worked for us…we made it work.

So now what?

Andy is gone and I am alone to pick up the pieces. All that brokenness can be put to work it seems. God has found a way to weasel his way in and light a match inside my heart. It’s a very slow burn but it takes time to change…to change a way of thinking and living..to change perspective on life…

I am starting to look past my own pain and misery by helping others. I don’t know how much of a difference it is but maybe it’s the small stuff that works. We are used to always thinking we have to ‘do’ something and it has to be noticeable to mean it’s working, that we are impacting the world. What if it’s the tiny moments that over time snow ball into something more?

My afternoon was a happy one. Yes, I said it, I was happy. I started by making some mother’s day cards for the kids to color for their moms. Looking past my own heart ache of Mother’s day I succumbed to printing and unjamming a printer over and over to make 10 cards. Later I realized there was a copy machine that made it way easier to duplicate the cards. This coming Mother’s day would have been 4 years since our baby Hope miscarried. She had a wee little heart beat that just gave out unexpectedly in a very painful day before Mother’s day. Sadly Andy never got to hear the heart beat since he missed the doctor’s appointment but he was so happy to hear me share the experience. That day she died Andy and I grieved together.. I’ll never forget the look on Andy’s face when it happened. He tried to go into work that day while I was passed out on the couch but he turned right back around to be with me. That day killed a piece of our hearts…a piece that Andy never really got over until he died, his final words were he would take care of Hope in heaven.

I think it’s a small thing to hang out with the girls while they color and do there homework. I told one of the girl’s I would be up in a minute after I hung out with the 2 older girls. When I got upstairs she had been waiting to pick her colors for her card until I arrived. I was a bit surprised she was waiting for me and very glad I followed thru on my promise. So odd that a kid would want to hang out with me! When we finished coloring we took photos together and the two girls giggled and fought over who was in the picture. Adorable really.

One of the girl’s back downstairs was finishing up her card and when I saw the colors she picked I smiled. She colored just like I would have by alternating colors and outlining the teddy bear…very artistic. But she was shy and thought it was ugly but I assured her it was Amazing.

Gracia coloring her butterfly

Gracia and Perla

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but today was enough to know that coming back to the island was a good idea. If I were to die tomorrow I would feel good about listening to the voice in my head that said “Go”.

Helping with Homework

Helping with Homework

Healing Eyes

My name is Inigo Montoya and you killed my father..

I read ‘Princess Bride’ to Andy as a bedtime story now. Our life is a lot like the cliffs of insanity, we have climbed them before and nearly fallen off but with a quick jab of the fist into the rock we climbed above the loss of life and dreams we held so tight to.
Now the story replays as we climb the cliffs of insanity once more. This time the cliffs are higher and more dangerous. The chance of falling ever more devastating than loss of life we never knew.

  • Fezzik the giant is like the huge tumor that was big and dumb inside Andy’s tummy, we smashed that out with a rock.

Inconceivable..

  • The Sicilian thinks he is so wise and can predict everything, plan each day, scheme and plot, and nothing can go wrong and yet the Man in Black gains on him.

Inconceivable… I dont think that word means what you think it means.

  • Princess buttercup has lost true love and vows to never love again..she doesn’t know that true love is still trying to save her.
  • The man in black is delayed in the pit of despair while his true love is to marry another
  • Miracle Max asks what is there to live for? Too bluff, Truuue love…there is no greater thing than TRUE LOVE!

Our story is of True love, it can’t be broken by loss of a child, or of a dream to adopt, its inconceivable to separate Andy’s heart from mine. We started with a diagnosis of cancer, which then turned into surgery, and now it is ‘living with cancer’. Even though the next few months will still be more treatment with unknown results, cancer will always be there, it will forever be our cliffs of insanity..

My name is Gastric Cancer Stage 3b, you have killed our dreams.. prepare to die.

Healing Eyes

It’s inconceivable…I don’t think that word means what you think…

A picture is worth a thousand words!
It’s only a holding area for food….some people elect for this surgery. Total gastric bypass surgery.
Mind blowing but it is possible to live a full life after..

The date is set…November 26th 5am arrive.
Now then that just means November is party month! And party we will…any and all food will be eaten..(maybe not squid though, it’s not that great, fact).

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Healing Eyes
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