• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: loss

Returning to the familiar and finding its changed

Does it seem strange to you that life continues when you lose someone? Everything that was is no more and things that are similar are completely different yet the same. To all the widows out there I’m sure you can relate. Today I joined a gym to try and build up my strength for Africa as well as emotional stamina the physical is just as important. My husband and I went to the YMCA when he was going through cancer, it helped with his strength and constant nerve pain from the surgeries. Now I am going to a different gym but even though its not the same place and he is gone now it still is similar to what was. The weight lifting machines are there and the indoor track mimics the other but this time it’s a new memory. Perhaps new memories are what is important when moving on in life after tragic loss. The new memories don’t push out the old but instead fill in the cracks of the shattered life left behind. Perhaps over time those memories will create a beautiful mosaic of filtered light that blends the two lives into one.

I have to make another sacrifice for this new found hobby, no more internet. Trade in the wifi for some exercise to save $19.99 a month from Comcast. Every penny counts to stretch out my time as a ‘missionary’. It was a bit humbling when filling out a form about income when I scribbled a big zero in for annual salary. Slightly insane when today I counted up the kids in uganda that I have given my resources, time, and love to. Total tally is up to 199 little faces and 3 others in another village. It should scare me knowing I have no income and I’ll be homeless come March while packing crates to move to Africa to live a very very very sobering life. All with the knowledge that my boyfriend will be staying behind and I’ll be solo for months in a far far far away land. Is that the beginning of a book? Once upon a time in a far far far away land lived a small girl with 199 children plus 3 who thinks it possible to feed them all.

Flip the story on it’s head and it should read.

Once upon a time there lived a God who picked up one shattered life and plopped it in a far far far away land to live among the least of these. Burst into song, shout for joy, because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband, says the Lord.

Enlarge the place of your tent,
    stretch your tent curtains wide,
    do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
    strengthen your stakes.
 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
    your descendants will dispossess nations
    and settle in their desolate cities.

 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
 For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name

Healing Eyes

A corrupt system

As we grow our needs grow which is why now is the time to Ask for Help. The year is ending and many are turning there minds to Christmas and giving. If I could ask for one thing it would be to have another year to able to go where God says and Do what he says, which means Sarah needs Support. This has weighed heavy on my mind for sometime and I am reminded by others that Sarah needs help to. But each time I see the kids in Africa I think I can squeeze one more kid out of government school into a private school where they may have a chance to get out of poverty. The government ‘free’ schools are 100+ to 1 teacher and they say they are free but on my last visit I learned kids go hungry. Why? The fee for breakfast and lunch may be paid by a parent but since the majority of parents pay nothing then there is never enough porridge and beans purchased for the kids to eat that do pay. It is a system corrupt and broken.

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At another area in Uganda we hope to help build a school for orphans, impoverished, and disabled children. The Building Goal page shows our progress towards making that dream come true.

My biggest announcement is I am moving To Africa March 1, 2016 for 3-4 months to start. I have a place to lay my head and shelter. It is my hope to work with the people there and learn daily problems and successes as we work towards our building goal. I might even teach some english.

This can’t become possible without Partners in prayer and financially. If you have time to look at the Donate page and want to join our team in some way, please consider coming alongside us by helping me find each kid who needs compassion.

Healing Eyes

Widows in need feel the same as me.

Tears fall from my heart today and I am overwhelmed by grief and loss. Our society teaches us to hide the pain and as a result those in need hide and are helpless for attention. When we expose ourselves to being vulnerable we are at our lowest yet highest point of help. While in the village I met with widows…we put out a word of mouth call for all widows to come hear from a Mazungoo (white foreigner). I expected 15 ladies but instead 70 came and 2 men. As I sat in the wooden chair in the grassy field near a mud hut I thought, ‘Seriously?’

I talked for 2.5 hours straight! With 2 translators by my side I slowly spoke words foreign to me, words I still have no idea how I came up with. God knew what to say that day and he knew how to pull those embarrassing tears right out of me for all to see. Somehow I tied those tears into the speech about not being ashamed and that tears release the pain of loss. At some points they all clapped after I said something that touched their hearts, so amazing to see words in action after waiting so long for God to use me like I thought he would. It felt so like a sermon in the woods that day and living out the abundant life promised to us. If only it was possible to be abundant without fear and doubt threatening the foundation of it all.

I shall remember that day forever.

Can we make a change with faith?

Healing Eyes

What’s your story?

Who is this person?

I hardly recognize her…over the past 1 Year 9 Months and 1 Day a lot has changed….

Lost everything, Found Everything Again in God my first love, Found kids liked me, Found a new Me, Found Africa, Made friends on the other side of the world…ALL because…I took Faith and put it into Action even when it seemed impossible.

If we are not to boast about what God does in our lives to others how can others know the abundant life awaits them with One Step into uncertainty?

I almost am embarrassed by my story since it’s so small to the enormity of Loss being experienced elsewhere in the world. Sometimes reminders are good of where we were and where we are now going. I can’t wait to have a new video up of the Current Sarah and the Current Healing Eyes Ministry miracles.

September 19th 6pm. Healing Eyes and its partners presents
Whoa! Benefit Concert (1100 Henze Rd, Comstock Park, MI)

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Can you help make this all happen?

This is insane and beyond possible. But I believe it IS POSSIBLE! When was the last time you BELIEVED in something when no one else did? When did you wave your hands in the air and beg for others to be excited like you? When did you see a vision and no on else did until it was proven to be possible?

When did you have to do something uncomfortable but found the strength to pull it off?

Now I like facts and sound instant gratification with proven results. Holding a benefit concert with unknown possibilities should be nerve racking BUT I know it’s going to work out because it already is. What?

I have a venue and I have a team of volunteers ready to pull it off. Need more proof that this is more than a whim and a lame fundraiser? Ok! I’ve collected several silent auction items all by walking into businesses and asking even though it made me extremely uncomfortable and scared. Sometimes we have to STEP out on a ledge and jump to see what happens…and Sometimes when we do it may just surprise us all.

So! Keep on believing and Keep on dreaming because I’ve seen it happen too many times where things just FALL into place. Although everything around us may crumble and life gets smashed on the rocks by the waves of grief and loss we still can find those calm moments where a bit of Hope shines through.

Why does this Whoa Benefit Concert matter? Because we all need to show support when others are beaten down and cast aside and because it’s time to Support Healing Eyes and move this Project 6’16 forward in a BIG way. So come on out September 19th and experience a MIRACLE and hear some good music. You may even catch a bit of the PASSION behind this mission of a little widow and some little orphans far far away.

The cover charge is a DONATION of $8-$10 and we do hope you can help change some lives by participating in the launch of Project 6’16!

Healing Eyes

Can fear drive faith?

I would like everyone to take a moment of silence and see life through a different lens for 5 minutes. If you were told to just blindly trust something you can’t see in hopes that you would still eat and have shelter but you didn’t know how, would you feel comfortable doing that? Would it be easy to just say ‘ok’ and have no anxiety or fear about it? What if you had under two months to get a large sum of money together in order to spend time with orphans suffering in a far off land? But you believed it was possible and knew up until the final hour you would be provided for….(periodically you would freak out and run but generally speaking you would hold steady).

Today I just saw it come true…the promise was kept…and I have nothing to worry about in regards to finances for this mission because the Post Carrier just dropped off the final miracle on my final day to get the money all together. I drove to one church and found a check placed under a rock and then I came home and saw the postal carrier depositing the other check in my mailbox earlier than expected. So YES, I now truly have the entire funds needed and promised to me back when I decided to Believe it’s possible and Asked for help from others.

A friend asked me today, “Wouldn’t it seem like it should get easier the more you go?” “Yet it seems it only gets bigger and scarier the more you decide to follow”. Why is that?

I might be wrong but I think it is because…

If we don’t fear relinquishing control how can we grow perseverance.
If we never fear than wouldn’t it be too easy to give things up for God. And then how would we grow in trust?
If we are supposed to turn over anxiety and fear to God then how can we if we don’t have it to begin with?
If it gets easier the more we trust than how can we learn from suffering, if we never feel it because we numbly go along trusting God because we know he knows best. But then later we can reflect and learn and grow from knowing why we were afraid at the time but that then allows us to connect with each other in the common fear of fear.
Those who don’t believe in Gods love will think us dumb sheep who do what the master says to do and hence think we are stupid. When they are hurting and think they must be alone since Christians make it look so fake and unreal because they think we are without worry and real fear.
Even if we do as the ‘boss’ says to do but show our weakness of fear than we are in effect showing to others we are too weak and can’t do it alone. But since we show it we than prove Gods message to rely on him even when we are weak and scared. Be scared but still go!! Because that’s how he proves the plan all along.
If I ever lose fear and tears when going I might start to think I’m in control and don’t need God because it’s no big deal each time I go.
Kind of like a catch 22! Give fear over but still requires to show it?
Healing Eyes

Keep fighting the good fight

Some days pass by with nothing but waiting and others fly by with a whirl of activity. Such as this morning where I decided to write up an update letter and proceed to lick 57 envelopes to mail out to people for prayer support. Hopefully none of the glue puts a premature end to my life.

I’m trying to rationalize in my head what each day means and what I am to do..and then my head starts to hurt. Ever wonder why some are born with a handicap that makes them more dependent on others and as a result there life appears simpler. While others are born with the capacity to analyze everything in order to make each day completely productive and possibly complicated.

Can there be a balance?

Is that what the bible talks about with seeking Peace in letting go of anxiety and worry?

Are brains really capable of shutting down that ‘worry’ button?

Sometimes…Yes…but often the mind replays scenarios and memories on constant loop until madness sets in. Maybe I am crazy? and I am the only one who feels this way….

6 more days until I leave again and set out on Africa Adventure #2. This one feels more uneasy, traveling alone, running across airports, living with my mind when all distractions are removed. Completely and utterly in God’s hands to keep me going.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight

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Healing Eyes

A child dies in Soroti Africa

My heart hurts for a baby I never met…Another blogger just shared a story about a child that died in Soroti. When I was in Africa in January I went to Amecet and visited, it is a temporary home for babies and children who are found abandoned and/or in need of medical attention. I didn’t stay there long, only an hour, but they do some amazing work there. Below is the story of the child who passed away..


On 20th of November 2013, a very small, 2 week old baby was brought to us by the Probation Officer of Cortido. It was a Karomajong baby. Sabine was very small and weak, both parents had died and her sisters tried to care for her. It was not easy, we struggled for every gram she gained in the beginning. But we had Hope for her. Janneke and me used her picture even for our Christmas card in December 2013,

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We felt that Christ had come to earth also for children like Sabine. It gave us Hope for her!! And we saw a steady growth, she started to develop and we were so happy with that. she stayed longer with us than baby’s normally do, Sabine lived in Amecet for more than 7 months. by that time she was doing very well, smiling and everybody loved her. But our mission is to bring the children back to their families, and the family of Sabine wanted to care for her again. So we had to let her go…. a child belongs in his/her own family and there is where Sabine belonged. But it was not easy and we had some fears, because there was no mother in her family anymore…..Sabine went back to her family on July 3, 2014.

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Last week we got the message from the Probation officer that Sabine got ill and that she passed away, just 2 days ago. We were shocked and sad, but when I think about the picture from Sabine on our Christmas card (picture above) than I realize that she is now in good hands, the best hands!

Healing Eyes

When I can’t it must be the right path

When you look at someone crying what do you see?

When you look at someone screaming what do you see?

Why do I do what I do……simple…….because it would be crazy to NOT do what I do. I met with a friend over a smoothie at Starbucks today and she said I am not crazy. That going off to Africa isn’t crazy but actually quite appropriate. If I didn’t do what I do that would be a worser fate than settling for what I have been programmed to think as the right thing to do. Confused?

When I reach the point of … “I can’t” than it must be the right path to take because than it isn’t me doing it anymore but my invisible friend. The hard part comes when you think know one else understands or is with you on this decision. A decision that really is a no brainer because it’s what we are supposed to do. Bring Flavor to the world we live in and be Different…be compassionate…be empathetic…and to just BE.

I am looking to the left of me and I see my mattress sitting on the floor in my bedroom…its an irritant really that it’s on the floor and feels like college all over again. Looking for a platform bed but not wanting to spend the $150 on one if in a year I won’t need one. Looking at my couch that’s only a couple months old and think why did I need that….to feel normal? Everything can be gone again and it doesn’t matter how hard I hold onto it… Kind of like life, we can hold on to it so tightly but still lose it in many ways.By walking past that person in need that was crying silently inside and too afraid to show it. By walking past that child screaming on the inside but too afraid to express it.

What do you See when others cry? You should see you in their pain and let go of the walls that we put up to protect ourselves from connecting with another’s life.

Healing Eyes

The mind can be a prison to our thoughts

I feel trapped …

between my way of control and my invisible friend’s version of life.

I feel trapped between the world’s way of living and my invisible friend’s way of living in the world.

I feel trapped by my willingness to go and the uncertainty placed before me of ‘norms’ of this life.

Fear of putting too much of what I have to live on into an unthinkable direction in life. In the ‘Widow’s Offering‘ it doesn’t mention the fear she must have felt as she put the last very small copper coins into the offering. Will I resort to that? Will my days dwindle down to the last 2 pennies I have left from Andy be put towards living beyond what we comprehend as ‘Ok standard of living’…

I came to this island to heal a year ago..I met many different people. Learned I could love again. Learned to love me as Sarah only. Found meaning in life again…had many adventures. Now my next adventure begins and I must give up things, people, and safety to travel far and see the worst mankind has to offer. Send a widow to the wolves more prepared for trials to build a life once shattered by loss. “Sing barren Woman! More are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband.”


Fundraising Goal for Kenya Tutoring and Exploratory Mission Trip..only $377 to go by May 19!!!

The goal of this upcoming trip is to Tutor orphans but also seek out where I will land next…is it the land this other organization had donated to them by the government? Is that where the Home for Neglected kids is to be built? Is this another step closer to serving long term in Africa? Who knows…BUT it’s a step to take!!!

Donate Button with Credit CardsHealing Eyes is a 501c(3) Non-Profit Organization based in Western Michigan. If you would like to partner with us on a one time or monthly basis, please make your checks payable to Healing Eyes, Inc. and mail to 4160 Blue Heron DR SE, Apt 302, Kentwood, MI 49512. All donations are tax deductible and a statement will be mailed to you for your records. Thank you. If you don’t have a PayPal Account Don’t Worry it’s not required  look to the bottom left side after clicking the Donate button, where it says “Don’t have a PayPal Account”.

Healing Eyes