• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: memories

Are Dreams real or just fragments of a subconscious…

I had a dream and a vision the other night, if you believe in that sort of thing. My late husband was with me and he told me, “he wasn’t in pain and he was ok, that he had our baby with him and she was oh so beautiful”. He went on to say, “Don’t give up Sarah, It is quite beautiful here and someday we will hug again but for now you have live even though I am dead”. “I am ok”.

Then there a bunch of british soldiers storming a castle I think and some gun fire and then I think a monster and then a ton of kids running towards me. No idea what that means! HA!

We also talked a bit about his last days of cancer and how he changed and that I couldn’t handle that Andy…that the disease had taken over his brain, he said, “He understood and he didn’t like how he felt either and that he loved me still and I loved him still.”

So are Dreams Real or just fragments of a subconscious we ignore?

Beats me but I sure didn’t want to wake up after dreams like that where Andy and I were us again. Where he comforts me and tells me to remember just the good memories and to let the cancer memories fade. He encouraged me to remember specific happy memories and then another and another until I peacefully fell asleep. Then he kept at me in my dreams to tell me he was ok. So I believe dreams are more than dreams…

Now then did I get my miracle to keep on track with Africa?

Well I sure can’t say no to Andy urging me on! I really can’t say no to God saying Don’t Give Up either. So I am in a pickle.

I need employment of some kind for the downtimes and that will be ok with me going off to Africa for 6 weeks. Does that even exist?

inspirationalPhoto

Healing Eyes

Experience felt at the Mechanics

I dropped my Jeep off at the mechanic to get the gaskets replaced and the first thing that made me smile and cringe at the same time was the smell of the Auto Shop. The grease, exhaust, tires, tools, and engines all brought back a comforting memory. Me and Andy working in the garage together on our Toyota Mr2, the smells are what bring back memories of times long past. Pre-cancer we could work on cars and play on windy tracks, that all changed after the stomach came out and his strength was lost.
The song on the radio when I first started the jeep was, Follow me..everything is alright. Ironic?

I am trying to follow but I am so sad when the sun sets.
When the sun exits and the moon rises
The ghosts of yesterday return
No more hugs
No more talks
He is gone and does not miss me
He is at peace while I am not
What a cruel twist of fate.

I can find some comfort I suppose in my spontaneous page flipping to these versus that were directed towards my heart in the midst of crying. A few people have compared my journey to the ‘Refiner’s fire’, I am being molded by fire that burns to the touch, it consumes every part in order to produce a diamond.

Isaiah 33:14
…Who of us can dwell with the consuming fire? Who of us can dwell with everlasting burning? Those who walk in righteously and speak what is right…

To await that day when the light will finally break and dawn brings that blessed healing of grief’s despair.

Isaiah 58:8
Then your light will break forth like the dawn and your healing will quickly appear..

To experience once more a peaceful night once that sun sets over the horizon. No more is it a darkness that enfolds me but a light so bright as if sunset refused to obey.

Isaiah 30:26
The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the Lord binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.

To hope once more that the choices made will bring about change in the heart, healing of the memories long gone, and hope to try each day for an abundant life.
It’s yet to be seen if hope will survive amidst so much loss all around. I see glimmers of it in the eyes of children, thru their frustration with being little and never being heard, as if there size means they aren’t more in tuned with the feelings of the heart. Are we not have a childlike mentality and to trust fully the Father, at what point in our life did that get lost? What evil robbed that innate gift from us and how can we get it back if fear clouds us from action.

Job 11:17
Life will be brighter than morning. You will be secure, because there is hope..

Healing Eyes
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