• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: missions

The lie of the ‘phase’ argument

I have often wondered if this time of my life is a ‘phase’ or a ‘season’. Often strangers and friends have said to me that perhaps it’s just a phase I have to go through and then things will go back to how they were. It’s all fine and dandy to have such a spiritual high in life and then return to what is normal. I’m re-reading the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis and have run across a passage in it that illustrates such a quandary I find myself in repeatedly.

“A direct attack on his faith..persuading him that ‘his religious phase ‘ is just going to die away like all his previous phases? The mere word ‘phase’ will likely do the trick. You keep him well fed on hazy ideas of Progress and Development and the Historical Point of View, I trust, and give him lots of modern biographies to read? The people in them are always emerging from Phases, aren’t they?”

There was one distinct time I remember while in Africa and after I just found the school near the border of Kenya and Uganda. I had just spend about 4 weeks in Kenya and not all of it was a blessing like most think will happen when serving God. Often we never see the blessings that come from our labor but we have faith some good will come out of our strife. My health was poor and my spirits were low but I was hopeful God would still follow through on his promise to show me the widows and orphans he kept speaking of to me. It was an amazing story of how I found the school and if you care to read it again you can follow this link, Coincidences lead to truth.

But it was that very night after being blessed by God that the devil or evil one, however you want to label that unnerving feeling, decided to slither on it and put doubts in my head. He used some other foreigners visiting the area to put the word ‘phase’ into my heart. One lady said to me, ‘maybe it’s all a phase in your life and you can go back to graphic design, but it’s great your doing what your doing’. Just like that the familiar doubt creeped back in and I went to bed crying and with a tight chest full of doubt and fear.

Maybe I am crazy!

Maybe I did go too far in all this hope and faith crap and now I am stuck in the middle of Africa with no one to bail me out. Literally alone in a jungle sleeping in a tent with the realization of how stupid all of this was. Since something like this happened before I tried to repeat words in my head, ‘No it isn’t a phase and that I experienced too many coincidences to not see them as miracles and guidance from God’. I like proof and God did give me proof that day and so I pushed back the evil thoughts of doubt and phases to eventually fall asleep in the pitch-black darkness of the night.

You see it’s right when we learn something new or get closer to affirmation that God exists and that our purpose in life is simple. The evil will creep in and stomp on those hopes the instant we find answers to that small voice in our hearts. In Africa it is a full frontal attack on people because they don’t have all the comforts of modern civilization to lull them into a ‘normal’ life of ease. I never want to return to thinking that ‘religion is all very well up to a point’. Neither do I want to fall into the habit of thinking my religion is better than other religions when life comes down to Love and Compassion! Not taking what is given to us at face value in the bible and questioning it all and reading it and willingly asking God to explain it to me with any method he chooses. If it’s by throwing me in a third world country with only faith than I’ll do it because that is living…that is truly seeing faith in action…and it is about bring ‘flavor’ to the world we live in and not mediocrity. Likewise God can use people in modern life to make a difference in those around them even if its by living vicariously through those God says, ‘Go’, to.

IMG_4234

Healing Eyes

Quotes from: Experiencing God by Henry and Richard Blackaby

“When you trust that God always gives his best, you will devote your heart to whatever assignment God gives because you know in that role you can experience everything God has in his heart for you.”

“When God gives you a directive you can be sure he has already considered every factor. ”

“When your life is centered in Gods’ activity, he will rearrange your thinking. God’s ways and thoughts are so different from yours that they will often appear wrong, unloving, or impossible. You will often realize that the task he assigns is far beyond your power or resources to accomplish. as soon as you recognize that the job appears humanly unattainable, you need to be ready to believe and to trust him completely.”

—————————–

One night I asked for more.
One night I asked for it all to end.
One night I asked to save me from the pain.
One night I screamed out, “I give up, take my life!”

and

One day God said, ‘Ok’.

One day at a time is my motto ever since Cancer. Now more than ever it is becoming clearer as to how important that saying is. Today I purchased heavy duty tupperware bins to pack just enough clothing and necessities for the new direction in my life. From a house packed full of things and 4 cars in a driveway I am reduced to 2 tupperware bins. When I made the decision to follow the unthinkable .. become childlike in my trust of God’s plan for my new chapter in life I never thought it would mean this. Each day I am faced with imposing doubt of what used to be precious to me. To surrender it all, risk it all to find a bigger purpose in life…oh what madness..but what if by chance faith can win. To have fear is to doubt..how can I doubt the one who wants the best for me, he wouldn’t send me away if it wasn’t a path that would eventually lead to the best for me. Yes there will be pain, ups and downs, trials, but oh what sweet victory to truly live! Find the beauty in the rain, the sun, the simple act of breathing, appreciating each blessing every day as if it were my last. To not live in limbo of the future…without worrying about each imposing day ahead of me..can we all not live like that? Trapped by our own worry and doubt of a future we can’t control.

Step out with me to see a world full of hope and a touch less sorrow. The pain of our past and present will always remain but to seek ways to be happy amidst the storms of life, now that’s worth doing. Finally a challenge worth accepting.. 34 years in the making (with a 13 year intermission of love and life lessons)!

So what am I up to? Well I have eluded to it in my previous posts..something about God’s calling and a remote island. Putting the pieces together? In April I will be leaving my home, friends, and family to follow a small voice inside that says, ‘Go’.  Leave behind what is familiar and have faith in the impossible…
Walk with others strong in their faith, learn to live a simpler life and stop trying to DO everything and control each day. God doesn’t always give specific details of his plan but nudges you in the right direction. I have been given a nudge to help out at Lighthouse Ministries, BE around others in need, BE around God’s love, and BE with children. Along the way if my skills in technology, design, and leadership can be used than by all means God will make it happen. If I am hungry or need shelter than God will provide it. If I am sad or in pain than God will be there to hold me. All of this is foreign to me, and yet it feels so right to trust .. to give up controlling since I have learned thru much suffering and loss that its futile to fight God’s will.

I have started a fundraising website again but this time instead of going to just heal from Andy’s loss… I am going to follow a dream, an awakening of my heart and soul to God.. what madness it is:)  God brought me out of my comfort zone to show me love he can only give to a broken heart.

I will be staying at a wonderful lady’s house again, in a quaint room with showers from the rain that falls from the heavens. My belongings will be simple and my diet will be limited (I never was a good cook…kinda lazy on that front). My income will be cut in half while I attempt to still work online. My puppies will be staying with a family member and thanks to prayer I will not have to separate Yoshi and Miko from each other. The rest of the details will work themselves out each day as I lead up to my flight.

Andy can you believe it!? Out of great pain will come great hope! It’s going to be ok…

Donate here: Fundraising Page

Healing Eyes
1