• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: suffer

Freedom thru Pain?

Each day is a reminder of what was taken but also a reminder of what can be given back. I’ve had a difficult week where I was reminded that I can never have children, those words strike as hard each time they reappear. “You can’t have children”.

No I can’t but I can love and I can find other ways to be happy. I allowed myself a moment to interact with kids this week and I found it was fun, almost healing to think a kid would actually find me fun to talk to. Yes I may never have a child, bare a child, raise a child… but I can love and receive.

I’m reading a book, ‘A grief observed’, by C.S. Lewis. It’s quite interesting and heartfelt.
“One never meets just Cancer, or War, or Unhappiness (or Happiness). One only meets each hour or moment that comes. All manner of ups and downs. Many bad spots in our best times, many good ones in our worst. One never gets the total impact of what we call ‘the thing itself’. But we call it wrongly. The thing itself is simply all these ups and downs: the rest is a name or an idea.”

To me this seems to speak to me…Cancer is just a word, Unhappiness and Happiness are just words, Barren is just a word. Life is just a bunch of ups and downs and sometimes we categorize them into these simple words. We use them to justify moments, feelings, pain. I am not the smartest person in the world but I have seen suffering and pain. Sometimes it takes that Pain to wake one up from there slumber. I don’t know the future but I do feel like I am waking up and seeing life differently. The pain is always there and never goes away but it molds us into what we are, how we act, and how people perceive you. Know one can ever truly know the secrets of the another’s heart. That is between God and the heart. I slowly am realizing that God has always been there even if I was not, either way the Pain was real and will continue to crash like endless waves on a bruised soul. But that is what makes everyone unique, there journey thru pain, living with pain.

“..the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it? Who still thinks there is some device (if only he could find it) which will make pain not to be pain. It doesn’t really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentists’ chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on.

And grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen. It gives life a permanently provisional feeling…” – C.S. Lewis

Healing Eyes