• sarah@healingeyes.org

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Boing Boing..Jump

My day wasn’t supposed to be all kids but it ended up being that way. I am floundering around and each day it seems I never know what will happen. Today I was with the kids at the club all day and we went to the beach for most of it. As usual I was awkward when I first arrived and shy around the kids.

The staff members talked to me more today, yay! I’m making progress in being accepted.

Then little ‘Happy Feet’ came by and she is so full of life. She has 3 names but today it was mainly Happy Feet. All day she was my little shadow, from bouncing around to being a fish she rode in the water, this little girl kept me jumping. By the end of the day she was tired and grumpy and laid on my lap crying. I taught her lessons on sharing food with others, being nice, how to work a camera, and finally she taught me love. There is a boat we have to take to the beach we bring them to and at the end of the day she got on the first boat back to the mainland while I was on the second. When I got off she was waiting for me, she was explaining to the staff member she was waiting for Miss Sarah and pointed at me. She said she loved me and missed me. As if I had been gone long since it’s just a 2 minute ride in the boat.

Whatever did I get myself into?

They have offered me a staff position when school starts, possibly teaching computers in the lab (it’s a tiny lab so nothing high end). Also seems I may have a graphic arts opportunity in creating a promo flyer for future donors. Today God has thrown more ideas at me and I am spinning. So many kids and I have no idea what to do.

Pray for discernment on this coming school year…it seems I have too many options on what to do.

 

Healing Eyes

Ministry for Kids

Your sponsorship would support:

  • Volunteer work at the Boys and Girls Club of America for the Summer Camp 2014. This includes being there to provide love and attention to the kids, arts and crafts, and going on field trips on the island with the kids.
  • When school starts up again in September I hope to split my time in between Lighthouse Missions after school program and the Boys and Girls Club of America program.

Check out the ‘Contact Me Page’ to be added to the Supporters list here


Personal Testimony

 

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Healing Eyes

Support

I’m liking the living by faith thing. It takes some of the pressure off of knowing all the answers and controlling everything. This morning I ran out of fruit snacks and I was sad but then this afternoon I got a package from a new supporter and it had…FRUIT SNACKS! Problem solved!

My first supporter mailed me two boxes stuffed full of food and goodies. Yay! Thank you Becca! This past sunday I finally put money in the offering plate and it was a bit more than I thought I could afford being jobless soon but I didn’t have change. Anyways, a friend said I wouldn’t regret it and that God would give it back somehow. So I’m not saying this was directly related but.. ‘it kinda feels like it’.

It’s gonna be ok. My new job will be learning to live by faith and sharing the story as I flounder around. Maybe eventually I’ll get my sea legs on solid ground and stop waffling.

Written on the outside of one of the boxes: Isaiah 53:4-6

Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering. Yet we considered him punished by God, Stricken by him, and afflicted; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

To give your life to Jesus fully? Wreckless abandonment?

Be directed even if it means your heart is broken over and over again? Is that possible?

While living in a fallen world there will be sickness, cancer, death. Is it a fantastical dream to want a world where no more sickness lives?

Matthew 8:20

Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of man has no place to lay his head.

Matthew 8:22

Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.

 

We can have all the plans in place prior to following God’s call, we can wait until our timing is ready. But what if all that is meaningless excuses and we must go when called…

I made a huge upheaval after Andy died and now I am on an island. None of it was easy and still it hurts. I grieve Andy! I grieve loss. It’s a great cost to follow this madness. It would be easier to go back instead of forward. Would Jesus accept any of my excuses to give up?

Healing Eyes

Tea anyone?

How do I even begin to explain my last 2 days back on the island. I get back and instantly I’m put to work. Some of the events that have taken place I can’t fully explain because I need to protect a close friend that it all revolves around. The nicest person and has the most selfless attitude, this person will go above and beyond to help others while suffering themself. This person has gone so long helping others that now it’s time to help themself and get help from others… So that’s where I have tried to fill a bit of the gap. I am not the best at it and I don’t have many connections to really do everything that’s needed but since returning I am trying the best I can with what I have. It’s all a learning experience for sure with dealing with high stress and even some police drama. All I can say is that it’s not over yet and I pray and hope it gets better for my friend. Whatever I can do I will but my resources are limited. With the help of another friend last night I drove in the rain with my missing car window in a downpour of rain (of course, everything will go wrong when it matters).. so I was a bit wet but we succeeded in getting our friend a safe place for the night. Tonight who knows and tomorrow will worry about itself I suppose.

Very vague I know but pray for my friend that she has safety and that all the legal stuff will work itself out tomorrow. We can all at least come together in prayer to help a faithful servant of God who just needs a break and some peace and rest.

But on a another note I made it to see my friend Stephan again and handed over the precious Earl Gray Tea from Starbucks (the same tea that helped my day of discovery on the 10th when I met the ladies from the cancer center at starbucks). Let’s just say he was happy, lol, to see a scarey, tattooed, skinny, rough looking guy jump with giddy over some tea is amazing. I mean the silk bags the tea leaves were in was an added bonus I didn’t even know about. OH so fun.

Earl Gray Tea Happy

Earl Gray Tea Happy

Tea time

Tea time

My meeting with Stephan led to connecting with the owner of Tan Tan Jeep tours on the island and me asking if he had any work for a skinny little white girl that looks whimpy but isn’t. Me at a construction site with guys all around and sticking out like a sore thumb but it was actually fun and I enjoyed my time hanging with my new friends. So tomorrow I am going to learn to drive a 4×4 Off road Jeep! Yup! I might be doing Jeep tours for tourists, lol, little white girl behind the wheels of a jeep on an island. I just need some white t-shirts I guess for the uniform.

 

A funny connection here is this..if you can follow my bunny trail:

First time to the island I went to the tide pools and ran into a lady who drove jeeps for Tan Tan and was out with a group, I chatted with her and she said they always were looking for drivers, ok I logged that away in my head.

Return to island to live and after a couple months I end up befriending Stephen and then end up at Tan Tan where he is doing some odd work and then bam I a now talking to the owner of Tan Tan about a job. Now wait for the kicker! Wait for it! Wait for it!……  He lost his parents a few years back and is grieving but also he recently had to have surgery for a similar illness Andy had right before he died. Not cancer but still major and he had a similar scar as Andy. It’s not the same but I’ll say this, God puts people in your path and when he does PAY ATTENTION cuz the conversations that come out of it are great. I was able to talk to another person in pain and get encouragement from him and a connection.


 

So my journey is not just kids and homeless… it is larger.. it is now to infiltrate the parts of the island where most ‘white’ girls won’t go. I don’t mean to use ‘white’ a lot but it’s used quite freely here and that’s what I am known as to the local street guys.

It seems Stephan is also one of my keys in to his real life experiences… no way would I go where I am going without a ‘Champion’ (as he also calls himself, which isn’t a bodyguard cuz that’s just silly sounding).

Who knows maybe someday I’ll look back at this and laugh and mistakes I might be making but I would rather try and do what I normally wouldn’t in order to live abundantly.

Soo I’m tired and my brain hurts.. my heart hearts for my friend’s struggling..and my heart hurts for others in pain.

In closing here is a ‘God’ ‘Invisible Friend’ moment for the day

“My guidance for each of my children is unique. That’s why listening to Me is so vital for your well-being. Let me prepare you for the day that awaits you and point you in the right direction. I am with you continually, so don’t be intimidated by fear. Though it stalks you, it cannot harm you, as long as you cling to my hand”
~Jesus Calling  devotional book.

— If you want to support the journey thru prayer or donations please fill out the form below to be added to my mailing list.

 

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Healing Eyes

Walking with Andy

Today I walked with Andy reliving our moments of love and pain together. It was and is our 14th Wedding Anniversary today. We got married at 20 years old and never looked back.

Coming back ‘home’ to michigan to take care of Andy’s ashes and also the symbolism of it being our wedding anniversary has weighed heavy on me for days now. Finally the day of our wedding vows arrived but the ashes need to wait until this weekend when his best friend can drive me the 8 hours to where Andy and I fell in love.

It’s hard to know where to begin with my day but I know that today was planned out for me and I didn’t even realize it. I had 4 things that were predetermined today. Everything else that happened was unimaginable when I first started off on my journey today

1. Doctor Appointment
2. Hair appointment
3. Lunch appointment
4. Meeting with Andy’s past doctor and close friend

After I finished by doctor’s appointment I made my way to Starbucks to get some tea for a friend back on the island. Little did I know that when I walked in this coffee shop the first words I would hear were ‘Cancer’. Ok a bunch of woman were sitting by the door discussing something cancer related. I decided to just walk by and get my tea and go. But there was this little voice in my head that said, “Pay Attention Sarah, I have a blessing lined up for you”. So what should I do? Well I walked right back out of the coffee shop with my tea and stopped at my truck, paused, struggled, and then turned right around and swallowed my fear of people and said hello to this group of ladies. “Hi, I may sound crazy but I heard you mention cancer”. I found out they were brainstorming ways to improve the cancer center that Andy and I went to…they all worked there. LOL! So I then told them a very brief version of my life and Andy’s death and just soaked in the blessing of connecting with people who UNDERSTOOD cancer.

Then I walked out feeling choked up and also a bit glad I took the courage to speak out to a bunch of stranger.

Now I looked over and there was the hospital Andy died in almost 6 months ago. Alright…the little voice started again and this time took control of my steering wheel. Minutes later I was standing in the ICU on the 4th floor just outside the room Andy died in. What was I doing here????!!! What crazy widow revisits the place where their husband dies on there 14th wedding anniversary?! I stared blankly at the door and the glass window which months ago held the image of Andy connected to wires and tubes. Room 403. I asked the nurse if I could sit in the room. Seriously! Yes, I broke down and cried and just soaked in the memories of that fateful night.

Andy had led me to this room.

Andy’s body was gone but my mind wouldn’t let go.

Now what? Well, guess what?! I kept on walking the path laid out before me….

Walking

The cancer center is just next door, sooo what did I do? Yup, I went there next. I followed the bread crumbs to the place of diagnosis and treatments. Once inside the doors I stared at the receptionist and said, “this is going to sound crazy…but…. can I speak to Katie, my deceased husband’s nurse”?  Short answer I was allowed back but not after a few back and forths and crying and then a stranger holding me and yea…I kinda broke down.

Nurse Katie…She was there when Andy first got dosed with chemo. She was there to watch me and Andy sit for hours and hours in those chemo chairs. She saw the dramatic change in Andy after the surgery. She saw our pain and she was helpless to fix it. The nurses at the cancer center see so much pain come thru there doors. I told her she meant a lot to Andy and I and that we appreciated her kindness. In return she told me that me and Andy were undeniably soulmates. That when she saw us together those long chemo days that she was amazed at how much love we had for each other and how we tried to find any kind of joy in the situation. We even tried to get her to say funny words like, poop in the pool. She remembered our dogs too. The one things she told me that I needed to hear on this day was that she saw our love for each other and she saw the change in Andy’s health. He died months before he died! She saw it too! I am not alone in that memory! It’s not my fault! Let go of the guilt!

My morning didn’t end here. After my hair appointment (where my favorite stylist ever did an amazing job, as always, to my hair) and therapy session with my hair stylist:). I have to say Amanda is great at cutting hair but even better at listening to a crazy lady ramble on and on about God this and God that. LOL. Who am I these days? You would think God has taken over my body and really has complete control over everything now.

Then I drove past my old house…I then turned back around and marched up the stairs and rang the door bell. Seriously, I did! Well I was led to do it. The guy that opened the door was a blessing. He let me in my old house and showed me how much they loved this house. How much joy and laughter was in this house now. There are 5 kids living in this house! Amazing! A lot of it looked the same and yet different. They kept some of the paintings up and the kitchen was still gorgeous. The old computer room was now a kids room for 3 (pink walls). And Andy you were wrong! There was hardwood floors under that carpet in Perfect condition! I told you so:). The mother in law also lived there and she spoke Spanish. He translated to her who I was and why I was crying in there living room. Oh my word…how did I get the courage to do that? Well this closure was just what I needed. He talked to me about his experiences with people in hospitals he has helped and told me how much they loved the house. He even said the one neighbors mentioned I was a nice lady and that my husband had passed away. Upstairs he had taken some shelves andy made and was using them…I burst into tears of joy. Andy lives on!!!!

Then after that…

I went to lunch with Andy’s old classmate from high school. She shared stories of how Andy was in Chemistry class. I guess he was super smart even though he looked like a punk. Oh Andy.

Free Cookies

Free Cookies

Then after that…

I went to the other cancer center downtown and saw Dr. Abby my friend. I hate to cut short on this part but I do detest long blogs:). She as always had some great therapy for me in our talk. The sarcasm and joking about some new business ideas was very enlightening. When you go thru cancer and see so much pain you can’t seem to avoid hospitals. The nurses and doctors can become family to you and a level of support no other family member can give you. They are with you from the start and you may get frustrated at each other but it still is a journey thru hell together.

Finally I went to Hope lodge. A place where during Andy’s surgery I was given a bed and comfort. There was a journal that I needed to find on one of the 3 floors. The guy at the front desk was very nice and we went to each floor looking for this public journal where visitors can tell there story. When I had stayed there I wrote an entry in it and I wanted to re-read it. Then I wrote another entry for today in memory of Andy. By this point I actually didn’t cry that much. The guy that helped me did the one thing that not many people think to do…. he asked me what my husbands name was and in that moment made Andy real again. All a grieving person wants to do is bring that person back to life in some way, even if for just a moment. Having someone ask his name is the most precious gift you can give.

 

I faced each terror at each building I was led back to and finally gained some peace.
God or Andy or both wanted to give me an anniversary gift today…a gift of peace and love.

I LOVE YOU ANDREW STACILAUSKAS… Andy’s song for me today.. Click Here

Healing Eyes

Hop Hop

If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom 8:31.

If God gave up his son for us.. gave it all up.. how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

If God could give it all up for us (me) than why is it so ludicrous to think it’s not ok for me to give it all up in return? Why is it so hard to fathom that he wouldn’t take care of me if I gave it all up? If he is telling me to do one thing and that one thing is very clear in my head than why wouldn’t I say yes without any fear of the consequences. Shouldn’t we all support that kind of radical thinking and radical change if it brings about an abundant life?

I am laying in my bed right now in physical pain but the guilt of having such a nice place right on the Sea is weighing heavier than my body not feeling well. That’s kinda crazy? I can’t accept this abundant gift from God because I don’t think I deserve it, I’m just not religious enough for this journey. However, God has me right where he wants me, on an island dependent on him. Maybe since I am listening and following him then that’s why he gave me such a great place to rest and listen. Yes when I first got on island I was not living by the Sea but in a room provided by a very gracious and loving host. She gave me a launch pad from the airport to where God has now placed me. He has placed me in a very nice, clean, and safe residence. My condo is right next to a very friendly couple who manage the property and are a hoot to hang out with. They have made me feel at home and safe here in this oasis by the sea.

Now for anyone that knows me they would know I am not a bible verse person or a church goer. I can’t quote them off the top of my head and I doubt I ever will be able to. So I rely on others to inspire me and I’ll follow the bunny trail put in front of me with my handy study bible.

——

2 Corinthians 6:10 – Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich, having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

The bunny trail then led me to..

2 Corinthians 8:9 – For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.

——

What if God wants me to live abundantly.. and what if I just have to live with that and appreciate it..

What if me taking the step forward in this ‘faith walk’ just means I have to take the blessings that inevitably comes with it? Ok, this doesn’t mean its always going to be peachy keen.  Those darn crazy ants are everywhere, I’m too cheap to buy food, and my jeep makes some interesting sounds. All of this is quite a step down from my Mini Cooper S, Mr2 classic car, and bug free 2 story house complete with AC. I lost a lot in coming here, I gave up a lot of my stuff, my Andy is gone, my dogs are gone, my cat is gone. The list could go on and on. But one thing I am realizing is a theme that if I give up things dear to me I may just get something to replace it and I might just appreciate it a whole lot more since I have a greater appreciation when reduced to lower expectations.  I shouldn’t limit what God can do because of my brainwashing to think if you follow something invisible than it most likely means it won’t be very good since I can’t really SEE it before I BUY it.

—–

Ephesians 3:20 – Now to him who is able to do immeasurably MORE than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

I don’t want to just wake up and have one devotional for the day. I want that one devotion to lead me on a bunny trail to hop around and see other hidden gems in my day. I want my eyes to always be open and searching for more. Isn’t life about wanting more and more? Than why not more of the invisible?

——

Romans 16:25-26 – Now to him who is able to establish you in accordance with my gospel, the message I proclaim about Jesus Christ, in keeping with the revelation of the MYSTERY HIDDEN for long ages past, but now revealed and made known through the prophetic writings by the command of the eternal God, so that all the Gentiles might come to the obedience that comes from faith!

Makes you think .. well makes me think? I love puzzles and connecting pieces. I think God knows that and he knew it all along and that’s why he is so vague sometimes with me. He likes it when I follow the breadcrumbs and get something personal out of the words in front of me. Words there all along but I couldn’t see because I didn’t want to. Maybe this all davinci code and conspiracy thinking but I sure think God is real and enjoys watching each of us figuring things out with a bit of prodding.

 

Healing Eyes

Working with kids can help mend old wounds.

Andy and I struggled to have kids of our own for several years… dare I say our entire marriage was shadowed by never being able to. I think looking back it might have slowly eroded that child like self in each of us. We had lots of fun together but we desperately wanted to share our love with another mini version of us. When that couldn’t happen we thought treatments could solve the problem. When that didn’t work we turned to adoption. But as our story unfolded that wasn’t to be either. The main thing I am starting to realize is that over the many years I hardened my heart to being around kids…it was such a huge part of Andy’s and mine dream that never came true that we buried the pain over the years. Better to avoid the pain and find other fun things to do or buy. It worked for us…we made it work.

So now what?

Andy is gone and I am alone to pick up the pieces. All that brokenness can be put to work it seems. God has found a way to weasel his way in and light a match inside my heart. It’s a very slow burn but it takes time to change…to change a way of thinking and living..to change perspective on life…

I am starting to look past my own pain and misery by helping others. I don’t know how much of a difference it is but maybe it’s the small stuff that works. We are used to always thinking we have to ‘do’ something and it has to be noticeable to mean it’s working, that we are impacting the world. What if it’s the tiny moments that over time snow ball into something more?

My afternoon was a happy one. Yes, I said it, I was happy. I started by making some mother’s day cards for the kids to color for their moms. Looking past my own heart ache of Mother’s day I succumbed to printing and unjamming a printer over and over to make 10 cards. Later I realized there was a copy machine that made it way easier to duplicate the cards. This coming Mother’s day would have been 4 years since our baby Hope miscarried. She had a wee little heart beat that just gave out unexpectedly in a very painful day before Mother’s day. Sadly Andy never got to hear the heart beat since he missed the doctor’s appointment but he was so happy to hear me share the experience. That day she died Andy and I grieved together.. I’ll never forget the look on Andy’s face when it happened. He tried to go into work that day while I was passed out on the couch but he turned right back around to be with me. That day killed a piece of our hearts…a piece that Andy never really got over until he died, his final words were he would take care of Hope in heaven.

I think it’s a small thing to hang out with the girls while they color and do there homework. I told one of the girl’s I would be up in a minute after I hung out with the 2 older girls. When I got upstairs she had been waiting to pick her colors for her card until I arrived. I was a bit surprised she was waiting for me and very glad I followed thru on my promise. So odd that a kid would want to hang out with me! When we finished coloring we took photos together and the two girls giggled and fought over who was in the picture. Adorable really.

One of the girl’s back downstairs was finishing up her card and when I saw the colors she picked I smiled. She colored just like I would have by alternating colors and outlining the teddy bear…very artistic. But she was shy and thought it was ugly but I assured her it was Amazing.

Gracia coloring her butterfly

Gracia and Perla

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but today was enough to know that coming back to the island was a good idea. If I were to die tomorrow I would feel good about listening to the voice in my head that said “Go”.

Helping with Homework

Helping with Homework

Healing Eyes

Heat stroke

It appears I might have been affected by the heat today which is odd since I wasn’t hanging out in the sun today. I think it’s a mixture of humidity and staring at a computer all morning.

My day today went better than expected. I got some work done for my Michigan job and then let the day unfold as God wanted it to. I ended up getting a ride from a new friend to the insurance agency to check out prices for my Jeep to come. Had some tacos for the first time since coming to the island and bought another crucian bracelet. This bracelet simplifies ‘Gratitude’…which is fitting since I need more of that lately. I have been moaning a lot and complaining soooo it’s time to try harder on that one. So the bracelet will remind me to stop it!

Gratitude: Readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. Gratitude means thankfulness, count your blessings, noticing simple pleasures and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. To say we feel grateful is not to say that everything in our lives is necessarily great. I just means we are aware of our blessings.

The other bracelet in the photo means ‘infinity’. I got that on my first trip to St. Croix in memory of Andy.

Infinity: Reflects the endlessly great feelings invoked by the Caribbean blue sea and the local color of its people. Wear as a symbol of everlasting friendship, love or memories.

IMG_0607

 

In the afternoon I went to the Good News Bible Club for kids down in one of the projects. It was an interesting experience. We sat on sheets out on the grass under some shade. The kids came and went and were a bit hyper. There was one little girl in particular that wouldn’t sit still so eventually I ended up with her on my lap and trying to calm her and stopping her from hitting other kids. It went ‘okish’. Perhaps I am better than I give myself credit but I still am extremely awkward around kids. I even joined in some of the kids songs which was very very out of my comfort zone. I can’t lie though it did feel kinda nice to act like a kid again, even if I was awkward.

There was another older girl there that was asking some serious questions. She asked what if someone was very sick and in the hospital and they had to bring a preacher in to try and save that person before they died. If that was something people did and if there was enough time to do that. I wanted to scream out, ‘Yes, Yes that really does happen! Andy and I did that very thing…but I held my tongue, it didn’t seem appropriate to butt in’. It’s interesting to see how some kids can be quite serious and others very hyper in the same group. Just an observation from a motherless 30 something widow..but kids are interesting to watch. Maybe some day God will succeed and I’ll be singing and teaching bible studies without feeling awkward..hmm let’s not hold our breaths on that. God only knows!

Healing Eyes

Conversation at Sunrise

I am spending the night next to the Sea! Literally, I can hear the waves crash on the surf and I can smell the salt… and what am I doing… I am bawling my eyes out missing Andy. Guilt is weighing so heavy on me right now of the all the hospital visits I am starting to blur together in my head. This evening I tried to document them all and went back at my calendar to find correct dates and procedures. If I forget the last 2 years I feel like I am losing another piece of Andy. The piece of Andy that fought so hard and suffered so much. The piece of Andy that shined so brightly when facing death. This morning I realized he had such a peace…a wave of peace came over him in that hospital bed that was God’s doing. I saw it first hand and yet it took me months later to really come to grips with it.

This morning I sat on a beautiful patio overlooking the Sea and I was sad. Seriously?! Stop being sad Sarah!

Why is it that when I wake up I can’t be happy and free? Because when I awake I remember I can’t wake from my dream of forever being separated from you my love – my other self. I will forever awake each morning in mourning for you. The loss felt is forever etched in my soul.

While others smile and welcome the day I fear the pain to come.


 

Job 33:

In a dream, in a vision of the night,
    when deep sleep falls on people
    as they slumber in their beds,
he may speak in their ears
    and terrify them with warnings,
 to turn them from wrongdoing
    and keep them from pride,
 to preserve them from the pit,
    their lives from perishing by the sword.

 “Or someone may be chastened on a bed of pain
    with constant distress in their bones,
 so that their body finds food repulsive
    and their soul loathes the choicest meal.
 Their flesh wastes away to nothing,
    and their bones, once hidden, now stick out.
 They draw near to the pit,
    and their life to the messengers of death.
 Yet if there is an angel at their side
as a mediator to tell a man what is right for him..


Andy I knew the words to speak to you. You told me before you died I had a way of reaching you. That I always knew what to say. The day you died I felt useless and words seemed desperate to save you from death. I long to hear your voice again – even if for a flash. What joy I would feel – but quickly it would be replaced with agony as I know I never can feel your embrace again or your breath on my cheek.


and he is gracious to that person and says to God,

    ‘Spare them from going down to the pit;
    I have found a ransom for them—
 let their flesh be renewed like a child’s;
    let them be restored as in the days of their youth’—

“God does all these things to a person—
    twice, even three times—
 to turn them back from the pit,
    that the light of life may shine on them.


Speak no more of woes but take care my child that Andy lives, he lives in your heart and those that he touched with his struggle of life. His pain is gone and he smiles at the sight of you. One day when you wake the pain of separation will be replaced with peace — knowing that Andy is at peace in my arms.

Healing Eyes

UnPacked

OK I DID IT!

I unpacked the last of my clothes and bought some hangers to place them on! I also found a Jeep to buy and Monday I’ll be a proud owner of a Jeep wrangler. I asked God before I came, ‘Please find me a a car and if it could be a Jeep that would be much appreciated’. After a few weeks of frustration and agony it seems he has answered my prayer and gave me a cheap Jeep with AC. I had fun working on the price with him last night and it got better today when he knocked another $500 off the car. During the second test drive we went down this extremely steep hill and he shifted it into the low low gear and I screamed a little as the brakes slid but we survived 🙂

It’s another super hot day here and I actually find it possible to sweat without even moving a finger. Missing Michigan weather but perhaps there is a light ahead. Last night I slept in jeans and knee high socks since I didn’t want to take a chance with the centipede again. As far as I can tell he did not visit me and I had no nightmares! yay!

So now I just need to not stress too much about everything and let it BE…give up control…and see what God does for me. Even when I get upset about my circumstances and lack of what I used to have.

 

” If we slow down and listen, we will hear his voice: “I love you my child. Your value to me is not based on what you DO. Rest in me. Receive my love and grace. Find joy in the simple reality that my love for you will always be enough”.  ~ Seismic Shifts

And all along I knew that… before I came I kept saying, “It’s not about DOING, its about BEING and falling in love with God”. We can be mad at God and fight but in the end he just wants to love us. Why do we fight that one so much?

Healing Eyes
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