• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: survive

Sweat and tears

So it’s 80+ temperatures and instead of laying low and cool I went to help a new friend do ‘yard’ work. I say ‘yard’ work because this involved hauling very long palm branches from one side of the estate to another. Those suckers are heavy!

What am I doing here? I’m grieving Andy and living in someone else’s house, eating other peoples food, catching rides from other people, and sweating my butt off. It makes no sense !

Is my future to wander from place to place and do chores for other people in need? Am I to learn to like kids again? Am I to be a business woman ? Do I juggle it all? It hasn’t been two weeks yet but on the island, time stands still because the weather is always sunny … The seasons are hot, hotter, and rainy hot.

I got on a plane and came here out of faith (a single young widow). I’m trying to live by faith but it’s difficult when the real world realities are always there. We are supposed to trust God will provide … Will he provide money , food , happiness? Today’s society requires you have a job to survive .. Can God give me a job ? An unconventional job?

If I were to accept the challenge to live off what God puts in front of me … How long would I be sustained I wonder? Let go of control and society’s standards of living. Does it mean I’ll be in a cardboard box or the opposite…a house on the beach sipping rum. (Of which I hardly have gotten my rum ration on an island that makes rum!!)

Do normal ladies often do this sort of thing after losing a husband? Give it all up and moving to an island? Hearing a still voice in your heart saying , ‘go’, but not telling you why.
This has to be normal !
I miss my bathtub lol and my bike. Funny the things you end up missing when deprived of them. I should be grieving in luxury…tap water you can drink and long hot baths.

Do people really want to hear my ongoing story? What if I end up failing and my story ends quite anti-climatically. All the build up in the plot only to be disappointed in the conclusion.

Let’s take a vote … Should I continue with this journey and blog it all?
Or
Go back home to Michigan and stop blogging ? Closing the story of Andy and Sarah.

20140426-121300.jpg

Healing Eyes

One day

After a miserable night before missing Andy and doubting my future. Thinking about all the parts of my life that have gone wrong..such as..losing Andy, failing Andy, and losing all my belongings to God.

I woke up groggily and not looking forward to breathing. Dragging myself to the shower and praying that the water heater was not unplugged only to realize it was. So a cold shower to start a day I was already dreading. My breakfast consisted of an english muffin with peanut butter…only the bare essentials on that one since I’m lazy and watching the budget.

Even though my outlook on the day was gloomy God didn’t give up on me. Instead he decided to fill my day with online meetings and a lot of familiarity of my job. Just what I needed..some ‘normalcy’.  I even got advice from my boss about not working too hard and giving time to listen to God and not try and rush things. Needing to surrender more to his will and let him drive my weeks to come. Even though I have a looming deadline of May 15th where I need to know more of what I am to do…stay on island or leave island or really just some direction would be nice.  I even prayed this evening while sitting on a rock on the beach for guidance, silly me I was going to ask God to tell me what to do and a big wave slapped me in the face instead. So I understood that message…don’t worry right now about that one Sarah!

I found my favorite beach today…it reminded me of Marquette Michigan, my favorite place in the world. There are rocks you can climb on and perch up on like a little birdie or perhaps a cat laying out to bake in the sun. It had a nice little cubby hole of water that I could lay in that was warm and clear. So awesome!

Earlier in the day I met with a contractor that is going to help with construction of the medical center near the building #1 of Lighthouse Ministries. Very cool to watch how God made it so easy to start building…things can be easy when you let go. Am I to help out with this? Who knows but I was there today. Perhaps it’s all about just ‘being’ in the moment at the ‘right’ time.

Next hurdle is finding a car while on island. Needing to be patient on that one….time will tell if I get wheels or get to walk.

What do I need?
1. Car
2. Patience
3. Food
4. Bike
5. Fruit Gushers or Fruit Roll-ups
6. Gift Card to Kmart (yes there is a kmart on island!!)
7. Care packages with protein

Healing Eyes

A Post to those that Get it

If you are new to this blog and you stumbled upon it by chance while searching for keywords ‘cancer’ stomach cancer’ ‘gastric cancer than this post is for you.

We started this blog to update family and friends about Andy’s health updates. But I think this blog can do more than menial updates on treatments and doctor visits.

If you are a caregiver and are living with cancer thru your spouse or loved ones than I understand and reach out to you..the quiet readers looking for some meaning in why Cancer has chosen you.

If you try to scream at the top of your lungs but nothing comes out because you fear you might explode..or that someone might hear you and not understand than I get you.

Cancer .. the ‘c’ word… the evil shadow that consumes your life it has to be beatable. It can’t always win. There are survivors, its getting past the Diagnosis and treatments that is the true test of someones strength. If you can get past that then thats when you use the word ‘hope’. Now is the time to Fight and endure.. Endurance!

Life is fragile and it can disappear in an instant..living each day as if it were your last now that’s something to strive for. If you are living with cancer like us and really Understand than Scream out as loud as you can today but tomorrow wake up and smile because its a new day and you have another chance to breathe.

Healing Eyes
123