• sarah@healingeyes.org

Tag Archives: survivor

pain revealed

We never post the sad photos on Facebook…. Only the happy ones because seeing pain hurts.

Cancer kicked off this non profit and cancer is refreshing the pain behind it. Yet compassion is the real Heart behind it all.

I am experiencing the other side of cancer as the patient. I now feel the sadness that my first husband felt as he took pain killers to numb the physical pain. He disappeared while he was alive and hid his grieving from me until he could no more. His story was different than mine, my cancer was caught early and didn’t spread to the other organs. What scares me is the pain is similar…. Did I show him enough Grace during it all?

Compassion for those we see suffering. Even in a world where social media hides the real images of life. The real view of living is through tear strained eyes with moments of laughter. Choosing to let joy overcome the sadness.

Yea ok I lost a part of me and now I lay on my back for hours in pain but other people I know also are losing more. Losing a chance to learn that people do care and that human nature doesn’t have to stay evil from birth. To teach a child as they grow about the basics of morals and helping others.

Be the salt of the earth! Make a difference, stand out.

Show real photos of life and let others see what is hiding behind a veil of smiles.

We still have many kids who want to learn. One is deaf and we are looking for $35 a month for a year to keep him in school.

Charles my new deaf boy who I need support to place him a nearby school for the deaf in June. If you have a heart for the deaf please visit our Donate page.

Charles my new deaf boy who I need support to place him a nearby school for the deaf in June. If you have a heart for the deaf please visit our Donate page.

Another child is so smart with much potential but has no one to support him. $35 a month for a year can touch his life.

Simon Pushing the wheel barrel

Simon Pushing the wheel barrel

All the monthly donations go towards keeping the 32 kids school fees paid, feeding 32 of them, development for the new land, medicine, hiv testing…. And supporting those who keep this mission alive.

Ministry Support

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Personal Info

Donation Total: $35 Monthly

Partner in Confidence: Safe and Secure.. Your personal information is encrypted and transmitted without risk using a Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) protocol. We are a 501c(3) non-profit organization making your donations tax deductible (receipts mailed at the end of each tax year)

One Time Donation

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Personal Info

Donation Total: $125

 

Thank you

Sarah…. Founder

Healing Eyes

A corrupt system

As we grow our needs grow which is why now is the time to Ask for Help. The year is ending and many are turning there minds to Christmas and giving. If I could ask for one thing it would be to have another year to able to go where God says and Do what he says, which means Sarah needs Support. This has weighed heavy on my mind for sometime and I am reminded by others that Sarah needs help to. But each time I see the kids in Africa I think I can squeeze one more kid out of government school into a private school where they may have a chance to get out of poverty. The government ‘free’ schools are 100+ to 1 teacher and they say they are free but on my last visit I learned kids go hungry. Why? The fee for breakfast and lunch may be paid by a parent but since the majority of parents pay nothing then there is never enough porridge and beans purchased for the kids to eat that do pay. It is a system corrupt and broken.

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At another area in Uganda we hope to help build a school for orphans, impoverished, and disabled children. The Building Goal page shows our progress towards making that dream come true.

My biggest announcement is I am moving To Africa March 1, 2016 for 3-4 months to start. I have a place to lay my head and shelter. It is my hope to work with the people there and learn daily problems and successes as we work towards our building goal. I might even teach some english.

This can’t become possible without Partners in prayer and financially. If you have time to look at the Donate page and want to join our team in some way, please consider coming alongside us by helping me find each kid who needs compassion.

Healing Eyes

What’s your story?

Who is this person?

I hardly recognize her…over the past 1 Year 9 Months and 1 Day a lot has changed….

Lost everything, Found Everything Again in God my first love, Found kids liked me, Found a new Me, Found Africa, Made friends on the other side of the world…ALL because…I took Faith and put it into Action even when it seemed impossible.

If we are not to boast about what God does in our lives to others how can others know the abundant life awaits them with One Step into uncertainty?

I almost am embarrassed by my story since it’s so small to the enormity of Loss being experienced elsewhere in the world. Sometimes reminders are good of where we were and where we are now going. I can’t wait to have a new video up of the Current Sarah and the Current Healing Eyes Ministry miracles.

September 19th 6pm. Healing Eyes and its partners presents
Whoa! Benefit Concert (1100 Henze Rd, Comstock Park, MI)

Healing Eyes

Will Africa expose something?

Soon I will be getting on a plane again and this time traveling to a country beyond my experiences so far. It has been on my list of places to discover and now I’ll be serving there for 2 and half weeks alongside another Non-Profit.

It has been a hard two weeks with the holidays and facing memories left dormant from when he passed away. Each time I pull at the wound and discover new things about myself. Now I leave again and without a clear direction or what to expect. My internet connection will be limited and so blog posts may decrease but rest assured when I get back I am sure something will be different in me again. What I do with that is a huge unknown but at least I would have listened to a dream in me. A dream to travel and explore, to see how others live, and how others cope. This world is vast and not everyone lives the so called ‘comfortable’ life. Can I survive in such an environment? Only one way to find out….and that is to Go!

Healing Eyes

Peace or turmoil

The longer I remain in the old world…the stronger the pull to live in it again.

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Often I feel guilty for living at a slower pace and not relying on only my strength…my wits…my choices. How easy it would be to turn back to taking control. I have a list already in my head of what I would do and what I would seek.

The big question is will it be best to do MY will or the invisible friend’s will?

The ‘invisible friend’s’ will is far from easy and sounds the most impractical, imbalanced, unbelievable, and unthinkable path to take. If I lay it out logically it will involve this:

  • Using all of my savings account to sustain myself until the non-profit gets on its feet to support a salary.
  • Living simpler and not buying luxuries…such as a couch or anything that takes up space.
  • Putting myself out there and looking pathetic begging for donations.
  • Nights of frustration not knowing who to beg for money.
  • Humbling myself by accepting help.
  • Public speaking.
  • Travel
  • Solitude
  • Minimal electricity and abundance of options at a supermarket.
  • No nesting and uncertainty overshadowing my thoughts.

If I decide to continue and make it past the next week in Michigan and arrive in Africa I risk the possibility of seeing what most don’t want to see. Already St. Croix opened my eyes to something else in life, what will Africa do?

Is it true that when you are the edge of greatness that is when all around you begins to crumble and that safe patch of grass on the other side looks all that more appealing?

“If you live in this way, you will do less but accomplish far more. Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush crazed age. Some people may deem you lazy, but many more will be blessed by your peacefulness. Walk in the Light and you will reflect the watching world.” – Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Healing Eyes

Saying Goodbye…for now

I cry…
I smile…
I worry ..

About the kids I’m saying good bye to for a month and half.

Thursday we made Christmas cards that I pulled together last minute. Trying to think of a fun craft that was more than coloring a print off. I wanted the girls to be creative and get gluey fingers haha.
I was running between desks cutting pipe cleaners, punching holes, and flying cotton for snow.

Does this all make a difference? Really?

My favorite girl that reminds me of me was sassy and also loving during class. She came because I told her mom I had a special treat. The French truffles for her to experience. She at first turned her nose up but then she came around and loved it. She is sooo like me lol.

Before class she pulled me aside and asked if I would taker her out after class one more time before I left. She said it was out last chance before I flew out. Normally she doesn’t like goodbyes but this time she was facing it head on by trying to squeak out more time with me.

I gave in of course.

I picked her up in the projects at night. And contrary to beliefs there was no gunfire or drugs, that I could see, when I drove in with my jeep. I did stick out though and a couple guys peered at me but didn’t do anything.

We want to see a movie and she brought her little cousin with. He annoyed her by talking too much. I need to work on her temper.
When I dropped her off I begged for a hug goodbye and she gladly gave me one. Normally she doesn’t do goodbyes. This time she did …

I cry..
I smile…
I wait..

For what’s next.
Africa?
Non profit ?
How will it all come together ?

I am so uncomfortable not having control!!!!

Yet all I can think of is a sassy, stubborn, little girl who might be missing me.

Healing Eyes

A shut-in

The last 3 days I have been shut up inside my apartment living off the chicken sandwiches and Ramon noodles I had in my kitchen. I was drawn down into a pit of sorrow longing for yesterday. I had 4 gallons of drinking water to sustain me and on the fourth day of my solitude I started to run dry. It was time to step out of my hole to seek water. While out I figured I should try to get some jogging in, stretch my legs and get the blood pumping. It was already in the 80s when I started to run. I pushed myself and prayed for strength to run at least a mile; I ended up doing about 1.7 miles and nearly collapsed of heat exhaustion. While running I was reminded how in our weaknesses we are made strong. At night I cry myself to sleep sometimes when I realize how broken and alone I am. I read laminations and it comforts me. “ My splendor is gone and all I had hoped from the Lord.” “I remember my affliction and wandering…” “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him. Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him.” I sat alone for 3 days, I tried to seek out friends but everyone was gone. I was made to sit alone with my thoughts. I’m not gonna lie I went a bit crazy but my weakness is God’s way of shining through me. Every day I want to give up and go ‘home’. But what is home? My home is gone. Taken away from me when my husband first became sick. Now I am haunted by memories of a year ago when Andy was dead while in his body that still breathed.

“we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts…”

Can these words really mean something thousands of years later? Why does everything have to feel connected in some way. Like a big puzzle to discover.

I am living on an island, what many would think paradise. I just took my Jeep to another mechanic and now it seems the fuel injector is bad and it will be another $250 to fix. I feel my finances being slowly sucked out like the damn mosquitos that bite at my ankles. I am not supposed to grumble though so this is just a factual explanation of my current circumstances. Not at all me complaining about the difficulties of giving my life over to my invisible friend who will provide all that I need.

The after school program starts back up today so I’ll have a reason to my being here again. The irony that kids are my life line when a few years ago I couldn’t stand children. I used to run from children’s high pitched voices and ignore them when they said hello. I was walking with a friend yesterday who is very bitter about kids and was pretty rude to a little girl that came up on the boardwalk to say hi.

We can’t really change who we are but we can let our suffering refine us, as if through fire, into who we were always meant to be. The skills and abilities we have that can be used in ways we never imagined…or perhaps we have imagined but we were too scared to try because of what others might think. Most of the time what we really want seems crazy and too ‘out there’ to accomplish. Maybe that’s part of the trick that evil uses to hold us back. If it sounds crazy and seems impossible than it must be and just go with the safe path.

Horse wandering by my Jeep this morning..only St Croix

Horse wandering by my Jeep this morning..only St Croix

Healing Eyes

Earning My Stripes!

Take that leap and go out and live trusting God! Do it! I dare everyone to try it….wow….but don’t expect instant results. It really is a minute by minute commitment to not give up. I’m glad today I stuck it out and went with God’s direction, as much as it confused and scared me.

For some reason God wants me to learn to drive Jeep and crawl up steep scary inclines. For some reason God wants me to learn to public speak by being a tour guide. For some reason God wants me to lose that shyness and let loose with other people. Today I went on my second training with driving Jeep. Now when I say ‘driving Jeep’ I need to clarify what I mean. It will involve being happy and showing a lot of patience and diligence. It means not getting angry when the Jeep breaks or when I am tired from the heat. It means performing for a group of 4 guests per ride and selling the island and its beauty to them. It means letting my needs come last. It also involves driving up some damn steep hills and learning about teamwork to the extreme.

I thought today I was going out alone with the teacher but there was another newbie driver and I had to show him what to do when first looking over the Jeep. Need to check 5 things in the engine and survey the undercarriage for any broken parts. Then we picked up a second driver who used to drive for the company and he turned out to be a bonus in my learning experience.

I picked the same Jeep as before and we were off. 7 hours later I am finally home and exhausted. To sum it up on the way back up the road to the tide pools and being the one to drive while the other 3 guys watched me, I failed getting up the hill and then the Jeep died. The gas line had a leak and the entire tank was dry. Now cell phones don’t work so well out in the bush so me and the second driver walked back down to the tide pools (the ocean) to try and find a signal. Luckily we got thru and a Jeep was on its way with gas (the owner of all people). A nice dip in the Tide pools while waiting was a must! As well as pleasant conversation about life and food. He is also a chef and he asked me how my husband died and I explained how food became our enemy. It’s so refreshing to talk about Andy and cancer! He might cook some meals for me and show me the restaurants that have great food. One thing he said to me was, “We need to not have you being all depressed anymore”.

Some time later help arrived and then the true fun started. I wasn’t getting off that easy from making my first successful trip up that hill. So I have 3 guys telling me how to do it and I am getting scared and frustrated at myself. One of the drivers in training bailed out the back of the Jeep, lol he just has no guts it seems when the Jeep slightly tipped a bit, it made for a good camaraderie experience with the other two guys on the drive back. They assured me that I have more ‘balls’ then that guy and to not worry.

Did I make it?! I sure did! The Jeep stalled a lot but I finally pressed the gas and sucked up my fears (with a little help of a tool box behind my back to support me from falling back in the seat) and drove that Jeep up that incline.

So the owner of the company and his son both had so much patience with me and I learned what true teamwork is today. They didn’t give up on me, and thank you God for giving me the strength (stubbornness) to not give up.

A great day of smelling exhaust fumes, sweating, African killer bees, and conquering one of the inclines on the trail. Maybe, just maybe I earned some of my stripes today!

When God wants to give an abundant life to someone he doesn’t joke around. I’m in the Caribbean volunteering to work with kids and I get to have a piece of Andy back with being around mechanics and learning to drive. Andy loved teaching me how to drive…he loved playing cars with me.

Healing Eyes

A Small Life

The approach to raise $5,000 for 5 months of service on the island wasn’t the right approach. Well it felt right at the time, thinking of how will I make it after quitting my reliable paid salary job. Every two weeks I got a check that would let me buy food and pay for lodging. It was a very enticing lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong…I miss it terribly! That was one of my passions that is now gone. The laptop is in the FedEx box waiting to go back to Michigan.

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I just finished listening to another sermon from Ada Bible. For some reason last sunday’s and this sunday’s keep resonating with me. From the Ant Power to now the Barb Wire discipline. Over last week I would remind myself to be like an Ant, be consistent and diligent even if it was hard. Every morning drag myself out of bed even if I didn’t want to. Eat food even when I don’t want to. Now today I am reminded its the Slow and Steady commitment I am after in my life. My blog is the most consistent thing in my life. It’s always been there for me. I consistently update it even if I don’t like what i’ll write about or how it might affect others. I try to be raw in my writing even when it sounds depressing. Life is broken!

Yesterday I got a gift from someone I never met in Michigan but talked to over email. I am realizing its not My journey now, it’s everyones journey. For the people that can’t pick up and just go, sell everything, live off faith, be a free spirit…that isn’t something everyone can just Do. Inside us all is a passion to make a difference, to touch lives, and to make an impact. Not like what I am doing is that impactful, half the time I feel like I am failing and I see no fruit from my labor. Perhaps when little Divani at the club says, “you came back”, makes a difference in my perspective. It’s not just those moments that make my heart feel good, actually my heart leaps when I see friends and strangers joining me in this adventure. The adventure to live life to the fullest and to not wait for my life clock to run out. Andy didn’t know he was going to die at 34, if he had then he would have lived more abundantly. I want others to feel this amazing gift of compassion, denying self, and pain for others.

It’s the sum of the smalls that wins hearts. It’s the sum of the moments that make a life. It’s living beyond what we think is possible that makes it all worth it. I want to live a resilient life by longing for more than what this broken world can give me.

Yesterday God gave me another $60 thru one of his family members. My Paypal account was empty from paying rent and then he filled it back up with $60.

Everyone can’t have their Mountain top experiences. Life altering moments that rip everything away and we are left to start all over. I pray that not everyone gets that wake up call. It’s not pleasant and it scars you. Every morning I need my eyes constantly reopened to what is around me. I hate being slow at things! I hate being patient! I want everything Now and then act on it. My lesson to learn is patience and resilience. Doing great things over and over again!

It really is the smalls 🙂

 

Donate Button with Credit Cards

Healing Eyes

VBS continues

What if all that we do each day is pointless?

What if the little things could add up to more?

As much as I don’t want to refer back to me and Andy’s days trying to have kids it seems something I can’t avoid. We tried for over 8 years to have a baby and failed miserably at it. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be and making the choice to stop is a hard one. We invested so much time and money into making a family that it became a mission almost.

Now I am almost done with my first week teaching kids at VBS. Whatever would Andy think of all this? I can’t even imagine since I can’t remember ever seeing Andy play with kids. Deep down he wanted a child but I think to not hurt me he tried to downplay it. We talked one night about how if we were to try adopting we would never have a mini Andy running around. We weighed the pros and cons of that and decided to give up the ‘natural’ way of having a family. When Andy got sick we were almost thankful we never succeeded at children. We still talked once and awhile about how if he was gone that there would be no living legacy of him. I would be left alone and no little version of Andy would be around to comfort me.

Yesterday I was feeling sick but I still started setting up the classroom with the color sheets and crayons. Sitting in the tiny kid chair reading the lesson plan and feeling sad. Then a little kid snuck in and said Hi to me and wanted to see what sneaky stuff I was up to. I told her she’s too early and needed to go eat her food. She said ok but before she left she asked me, “Can I give you a hug first?”

Was that Andy? In that brief second was he looking down at me and trying to encourage me with a hug? It’s hard living on after he’s gone, it’s hard trying to be someone different without sharing it with someone. The days don’t get easier after you lose your husband. Every night the tears come and I curl into a ball missing Andy but that darn sun still rises and still pushes me to get up.

First two days of VBS we had 12 kids, then we had 18, and then there was 21!

 

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